[StarsDust]

ok so, sorry if this gets long, i just need to share this somewhere
when i was 8 to 12 years old i was sure i was a boy, i was 100% sure that deep down in my skin, somehow i was a boy, when i hit puberty i hated that my boobs were growing and really frustrated that i got my period

after that i hit some sort of "numb state" in my life, i just didn't care about anythig anymore, was just trying to survive the day without jumping in front of a car. Years went by and i had lots of mental health problems to deal with, it felt like this being a boy feeling disappeared , But right now at 19, where i feel im in a less numb state,trying to think of a future and trying to treat myself better the dysphoria came back, i'm trying to hide my chest as much as i can, i've been searching about T and surgery and im really cofused
I'm i trans or is it my brain playing a trick on me again?? has anyone been in a similar situation?
even if not, thankyou for taking your time and reading ^^

[Skeezyks]

Well... I'm an old man now. But gender identity dysphoria is something I struggled with my entire life. I guess the one thing I can say is that, over the years, the severity of my dysphoria waxed & waned... although I would have to admit it did more waxing than it did waning.

It has been my experience that GID is nothing if not confusing. The reality is there's no test for it. Each of us has to come to a decision, in our own minds, as to whether or not we believe we are transgendered &, if so, what to do about it. And an important part of that decision-making process, I believe, is seeing a qualified & experienced gender therapist. So I am pleased to read that you're looking for one.

I do believe it's important to find a therapist who is experienced in working with people who have GID issues. A therapist who is not can do more harm than good, in my experience. You mentioned you've been doing some looking into surgery as well. Personally, I'd like to suggest that if you haven't yet spent some serious time with an experienced therapist, you're really not ready to be thinking about surgery at this point, except perhaps in the most casual of ways.

There are a couple of gender therapists who upload videos onto YouTube. One is Dara Hoffman-Fox. Here's a link to Dara's YouTube channel:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC75...wYHGQlc4w3-GGw

Another is "The Transition Channel":

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfO...NpIn-KsVjvmLLw

Perhaps watching some of the videos on these channels will be of some help to you.

[StarsDust]

haha no i'm not going to do surgery or anything yet, i was just curious about the process and all, but i'll take my time to figure it out, thanks for the reply and the links, it's really nice ^^

[Wild Coyote]

It is certainly possible the gender dysphoria was pushed to a back burner for awhile. The more we focus upon something, the more important it becomes. So while focusing on more pressing issues for awhile, they took precedence.

Now the gender dysphoria is resurfacing.

Sometimes, some people experience some dysphoria relief by making some small changes. These may include things like changes in hairstyles, changes in clothing, especially changes in under garments, etc. Sometimes these types of changes can help to relieve some dysphoria while starting therapy.

I also strongly encourage therapy with a gender therapist.

You may know this; yet, want to share for your protection: Binding for long periods of time can do serious bodily damage. Sometimes, people are not aware of this.

I wish you the best.

WC

[SeekerSeeking]

I applaud you for seeking out answers! Good on you!

I can tell you from my life that things I thought I had long since resolved sometimes pop back up. I used to picture it like—I had put the issue to rest, buried it in a lake long ago. Then the lady in the lake raised up again—so I wasn’t done with it.

I have since learned to ‘thank’ the lady in the lake…when she brings a previous issue up again it’s because now I can work on it.

So give yourself credit for looking your issue in the eye and trying to figure it out. Don’t be impatient with yourself, be kind to yourself, and know learning is a process.

Best of luck to you in your journey!

[StarsDust]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

It is certainly possible the gender dysphoria was pushed to a back burner for awhile. The more we focus upon something, the more important it becomes. So while focusing on more pressing issues for awhile, they took precedence.

Now the gender dysphoria is resurfacing.

Sometimes, some people experience some dysphoria relief by making some small changes. These may include things like changes in hairstyles, changes in clothing, especially changes in under garments, etc. Sometimes these types of changes can help to relieve some dysphoria while starting therapy.

I also strongly encourage therapy with a gender therapist.

You may know this; yet, want to share for your protection: Binding for long periods of time can do serious bodily damage. Sometimes, people are not aware of this.

I wish you the best.

WC

yeah i'm aware of the danger, im mostly using sports bras and hoodies wich helps and unfortunetly i can't afford a gender therapist and i can't ask my mom either, the best i can do for now is some small changes and talking with members of the community.
thanks for the reply i really appreciate it ^^

[StarsDust]

Originally Posted by SeekerSeeking

I applaud you for seeking out answers! Good on you!

I can tell you from my life that things I thought I had long since resolved sometimes pop back up. I used to picture it like—I had put the issue to rest, buried it in a lake long ago. Then the lady in the lake raised up again—so I wasn’t done with it.

I have since learned to ‘thank’ the lady in the lake…when she brings a previous issue up again it’s because now I can work on it.

So give yourself credit for looking your issue in the eye and trying to figure it out. Don’t be impatient with yourself, be kind to yourself, and know learning is a process.

Best of luck to you in your journey!

what lovely words, thankyou so much, hope the lady in the lae can help me now haha ^^

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by StarsDust

yeah i'm aware of the danger, im mostly using sports bras and hoodies wich helps and unfortunetly i can't afford a gender therapist and i can't ask my mom either, the best i can do for now is some small changes and talking with members of the community.
thanks for the reply i really appreciate it ^^

Great!
I hope you will find many people to share with. More and more groups are forming and Trans*, or even questioning, people are discovering more resources.

If you live near a federally sponsored community health care clinic, you might find gender counseling there for a low fee/no fee. I am sure you are checking with your local community for resources.

It's nice to have you here.


WC

[Keyplayer]

Wow , and very gender smart thread & posters

This might help in the mean time :

www.7cups.com

They are very trans friendly

I know !!

Take care

Keyplayer 

[spondiferous]

I have experienced dysphoria as a cycle, and my dysphoria is different from many people's because mine is mostly social. That is, I experience dysphoria over how I am perceived by others, not the physical reality of my body.

I think it's important to remember that transition, however you define that for yourself, is not linear. There's no start and end point. I think of it as everything else in life: the continual process of departing and coming back to myself, then departing again with new knowledge and experience to embark on the next branch of my journey. For sometimes months or a year or more, I don't think about my gender at all. Sometimes it's all I think about.

Another thing is, dysphoria is not a requirement for being trans, so there is no "right" way to experience it. Some have it, some don't, some struggle with it their whole lives, others only experience small glimpses or, once they take whatever transitional measures they intend to take, or simply come to a deeper awareness and affirmative place in their gender journey, it doesn't really bother them anymore. The most important thing is to keep learning all you can about yourself and social and medical transition, so you can make the most informed choices possible. Make sure the people in your life, wherever possible, validate who you are, no matter where you are. I've changed names and pronouns and identities numerous times in the last 5 years or so, and my core group of friends and chosen family are always excited to learn something new about me. (granted they're all trans/nonbinary/queer people, which helps!)

Best of luck on your journey. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to friend/message me. I can always use more support and solidarity on this journey.