[ddc1]

I have struggled for well over 40 years with people pleasing on a small scale. im married with three great kids and just started a new job and have not really got to know anyone yet. last night i had the chance to at a local bar so i went. as the evening went on i found myself wanting to go home and even said as much from time to time. but i did not because they wanted me to stay(people pleasing), as the night went on the beer and wine was replaced with coke cane. i got scared because i like it but dont need it and did not want it. but if i did not join them then i was convenced that i would be an outcast (excessive people pleasing). i pased the room over and over to the point of them makeing fun of my behavior i agreed with all their ideas and opinions and never once told them why i was paseing (to scared to tell them that i did not want this). And i am the biggest guy in the room??????? so when i told them i did not want to be involed; the jokes got louder and i was the punch line. i have got to learn how to estblish my boundarys with these new people and all others.i need help dealing with this excessive people pleasing problem. and i conformed to the group.im a body builder, but i am not strong at all.
its time to deal with my people pleasing, how can i practice saying no with out the guilt.

[secret_titan]

Just say no... use a stern voice if you have to.

The more you say it, the easier it should get.

[Grithnir]

That sounds like some seriously weird co-workers. I don't deal with any cocaine users in any of my past work history, just occasionally meeting people from work to smoke marijuana with and even that was bad for me. I just dealt with an addiction problem that my roommate had. I had to kick him out of the house because it got so bad that he had lost his mind. When you have something good going for you, like a family or just your sense of self-esteem you can't let others walk over you and damage the wholeness of your being. If you give in easily than stay away from that behavior for I believe it to not be beneficial at all.

I have a personal care assistant because of my disability that I live with now, and she said at a past job, she was tired and a group of men told her she looked tired and that she should try smoking something that she thinks was meth, she wasn't sure, or crack. Anyways she spent the next 48 hours cleaning the walls of her apartment because she was convinced they were dirty. Her kids came over and saw what madness the drug had caused in her and she started to cry and said she didn't know why she did it. Thus to say, she quit that job and became a personal care assistant to help the disabled, and she feels much better about herself now though she can barely pay all the bills for her health care as she is 65 years old, doing my dishes and cleaning my floors.

Sometimes if people are a bad influence on you, either you take a stand against them and if that means they will fire you or bad mouth you, than it is time to find people or a job where there are healthy people to be around.