in deep

im 37. married. two kids/ 13 and 9. started an affair 9 months ago. it became more than just sex. intense. loving. the real deal..or so i thought. she is pregnant with my child. (3 months.) i though we were on our way to starting a new life together. yesterday out of the blue she said(through text) that she is staying with her boyfriend. she told me not to text her. to forget her. forget the baby. let it go. i have to be honest i am ****ing devestated and crushed to the point of suicide. she claimed she wanted to be with me for a lifetime....then bam. its over. i dont know what to do. i have borderline personality disorder and depression so all of this is so much harder than for the average guy i guess. anyone have any constructive advice? I already have a therapist and shrink.(only within the last 4 months.) how do i deal with this **** and appear somewhat normal to my kids when i can hardly keep from crying every second?

I would try and get a lawyer too, to fight to see the baby--I mean, I understand you are devastated, but do not give up on your child.

On the other hand, too, you should NOT of had an affair, and be married with kids--of course they are going to want to know why you are crying...

You need to be honest to your wife and tell her, and you need to also fight for the child you have with the other woman...Things will not be easy, by far, but they will be right.

And, please, definitely talk to your therapist about this, set up an emergency session if you have to--the longer you wait, the more time it takes everyone to find out--the more stress you will be dealing with in the long run.

Look, I am sure it won't be easy, but will it be easier a month from now, a year from now?

Fight for what is yours, and also you must be honest with your family AND yourself.

Best wishes with all of this

I am a compassionate person and I am not going to degrade you for what you did, so please please don't take it as that.

You should have known that this was going to happen. Relationships that start from an affair generally do not last. It's hard for either person to trust the other one, it's a back and forth game of "Well you cheated on my Wife for me so you'll probably do the same to me" and "Well you knew I was having an affair with my wife and you still chose to be with me so how do I know you aren't doing that behind my back?" So it is something you should realize. And the pain you are going through right now, as hard as I am sure it is, is something you have to deal with. You made your own bed and now you have to lay in it. Just think how your Wife feels/would feel if she knew about it. She'd probably feel just like you right now.

With that being said, I am sorry it happened. I am sorry it happened for all parties involved including you. It's never a fun thing to be a part of. It is not wrong to fall in love with someone while you're married, but it is wrong to do so without telling your spouse and without ending the marriage right then and there. You have to tell you wife about this if you haven't already, and do your best not to let your kids see you cry because that really isn't a good thing for them to be involved in. They did nothing wrong.

Other than that, you need to make sure that you'll be able to see your child if you wish to do so. It's not good for the baby to not ever know who his/her father is, either.

I hope it all works out from you and that you use this as a lesson learned. If you want to work things out with your wife you need to start some therapy together, and if you don't you need to let her know and not keep stringing her along. Good luck to you, and it shouldn't happen again as you should learn from this.