Middle aged, and what I really need is are friends.

MotownJohnny · Sep 23, 2013 at 11:18 AM

I never had a "dad" in any sense of the word. I had a nightmare of a father who treated me like absolute garbage and beat me down in every possible way at every possible opportunity.

No brothers, (which saved another guy the same grief and heartache, at least), no uncles or other male role models as a kid. Not allowed to participate in any sports or activities, so no coaches, no scoutmasters, no mentors of any kind.

And no friends. That wasn't allowed, either. So, I grew up desperately lonely.

And I really still am. I know people, I interact, but I still don't have any close friendships of real significance. No one I can really confide in.

I want a do-over, please. Just the chance to be a kid again, and do the things I didn't get to do. And make friends, real friends, the kind that are there for you in your life.

Too much to ask for?

IchbinkeinTeufel · Sep 26, 2013 at 07:22 AM

Not too much to ask for at all, dude.

Sep 26, 2013 at 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MotownJohnny

I never had a "dad" in any sense of the word. I had a nightmare of a father who treated me like absolute garbage and beat me down in every possible way at every possible opportunity.

No brothers, (which saved another guy the same grief and heartache, at least), no uncles or other male role models as a kid. Not allowed to participate in any sports or activities, so no coaches, no scoutmasters, no mentors of any kind.

And no friends. That wasn't allowed, either. So, I grew up desperately lonely.

And I really still am. I know people, I interact, but I still don't have any close friendships of real significance. No one I can really confide in.

I want a do-over, please. Just the chance to be a kid again, and do the things I didn't get to do. And make friends, real friends, the kind that are there for you in your life.

Too much to ask for?

We are very similar. For a while I made some friends at the Co-Dependents Anonymous 12-step programs. The program will help you learn friendship boundaries and other social skills. Joining a local church and doing volunteer work there is also a reasonably safe place to meet people and develop social skills and confidence. Identifying interests and hobbies, and seeking others with the same interests could also work. Try the Meet-Up website. I suggest simple hobbies where you can hang out and just say "hi" to others, e.g., golf driving ranges, even joining a bowling league.

Mike_J · Oct 04, 2013 at 10:10 AM

I think there are a lot of people in the position of not having many (or any) friends.

With all the dating web sites, it would be nice if there were some sites for people to just meet friends, or if there are some could someone let me know where they are.

MotownJohnny · Oct 04, 2013 at 10:23 AM

Actually, funny, my psychiatrist brought this up the other day, and suggested a site called meetup.org (might be dot com). It's just for meeting up with people with similar interests and hobbies, non-romantic, can be people of either gender. Usually activity centered. I'm trying to find a riding partner, a guy about my age with similar goals and abilities, to train with evenings, early mornings, and weekends, both/either mountain/rough trail or road. So far, nothing too promising, all of the cycling groups are too far away to be practical, but I'm going to keep trying.

anneo59 · Oct 04, 2013 at 11:12 AM

great ideas!!! I've met people and made friends in some similar activities!

anneo59 · Oct 04, 2013 at 11:12 AM

yes, that would be a great idea, Mike!

anneo59 · Oct 04, 2013 at 11:13 AM

Have heard of this site, but don't know anything about it! Good luck with it, hope you get some results you're pleased with! Take care!

Mike_J · Oct 07, 2013 at 02:25 PM

Another place to meet people and make friends, is peer support groups, both DBSA and NAMI (Google them) will have support groups in most cities, I live in a fairly small city and we have support groups from both organizations.

Timgt5 · Oct 13, 2013 at 06:27 AM

Sometimes hobby and special interest forums are a good place to meet people who share a common passion, lately I have been posting in an online automotive forum similar in design to this one, and have met some cool people to talk with.

Ardose · Oct 19, 2013 at 08:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unguy

We are very similar. For a while I made some friends at the Co-Dependents Anonymous 12-step programs. The program will help you learn friendship boundaries and other social skills. Joining a local church and doing volunteer work there is also a reasonably safe place to meet people and develop social skills and confidence. Identifying interests and hobbies, and seeking others with the same interests could also work. Try the Meet-Up website. I suggest simple hobbies where you can hang out and just say "hi" to others, e.g., golf driving ranges, even joining a bowling league.

Your advice is very sound. I have friend right now who has a train wreck of a life and I trying to get him to do something like a 12 step program before he gets himself killed. I agree that churches and volunteer groups are some of the best places to make friends. I got my friend to go to a motivational presentation by a reformed drug addict at a church last night and he seem to really take interest in it. I hope I can just keep him moving in the right direction.

Ardose · Oct 19, 2013 at 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MotownJohnny

Actually, funny, my psychiatrist brought this up the other day, and suggested a site called meetup.org (might be dot com). It's just for meeting up with people with similar interests and hobbies, non-romantic, can be people of either gender. Usually activity centered. I'm trying to find a riding partner, a guy about my age with similar goals and abilities, to train with evenings, early mornings, and weekends, both/either mountain/rough trail or road. So far, nothing too promising, all of the cycling groups are too far away to be practical, but I'm going to keep trying.

If the people you find on the web are too far away, I suggest you try joining your local YMCA. There, you have a good chance of meeting people that share your interests and also find about local bike riding events.

Denman · Feb 01, 2014 at 05:54 AM

Meetup.com is a great site ----if you are in a major metropolitan city. I am in New Jersey - most if not all of the meetup groups are in New York city. That doesn't help me, but I continue to hope that someday I will get notified that there is a group in my area.

Ryan.l.s · Jun 08, 2014 at 01:24 AM

it's real hard to find "true blue" friends.
:-p
when you find one let me know, I would like one too

Mr. Michael · Jun 08, 2014 at 01:16 PM

Here's a thought... You're looking for friends and are sad that you didn't have the dad you thought you should have right...? Maybe you could identify those characteristics and traits that you think a dad should have. Then adopt those and implement with the people you meet.

Jun 17, 2014 at 01:09 AM

My dad was only a bill payer. Good thing but guys need some kind of bonding. He raced go carts until I was 7 and we went with him. After that nothing. Never played anything with us like sports and did not want us to play so we didn't want us to get hurt. We never did nothing as a family. No fishing (which I love), no games, no movies, no bowling, no vacations. Nothing until we were out of school.

Probably why my oldest brother has very little to do with him now. My other brother does call often. I'm stuck with him with my mi. How bad is that. Now he was/is a good man, but how would you feel to be stuck for the moment with someone who caused so much pain when I was growing up.

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IchbinkeinTeufel Elder Community Liaison Member Since Jan 2010 Location: Earth Posts: 6,270 14 258 hugs given	Sep 26, 2013 at 07:22 AM #2 Not too much to ask for at all, dude. __________________ { Kein Teufel } Translation: Not a devil [ `id -u` -eq 0 ] \|\| exit 1
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anneo59 Grand Poohbah Member Since Sep 2012 Location: US Posts: 1,615 11 2,114 hugs given	Oct 04, 2013 at 11:12 AM #6 great ideas!!! I've met people and made friends in some similar activities!
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anneo59 Grand Poohbah Member Since Sep 2012 Location: US Posts: 1,615 11 2,114 hugs given	Oct 04, 2013 at 11:12 AM #7 yes, that would be a great idea, Mike!
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anneo59 Grand Poohbah Member Since Sep 2012 Location: US Posts: 1,615 11 2,114 hugs given	Oct 04, 2013 at 11:13 AM #8 Have heard of this site, but don't know anything about it! Good luck with it, hope you get some results you're pleased with! Take care!
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Timgt5 Elder Member Since Oct 2007 Location: Durham,nc Posts: 5,431 16 173 hugs given	Oct 13, 2013 at 06:27 AM #10 Sometimes hobby and special interest forums are a good place to meet people who share a common passion, lately I have been posting in an online automotive forum similar in design to this one, and have met some cool people to talk with.
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Denman Member Member Since Apr 2013 Location: New Jersey Posts: 102 11 4 hugs given	Feb 01, 2014 at 05:54 AM #13 Meetup.com is a great site ----if you are in a major metropolitan city. I am in New Jersey - most if not all of the meetup groups are in New York city. That doesn't help me, but I continue to hope that someday I will get notified that there is a group in my area.
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Ryan.l.s Junior Member Member Since Jun 2014 Location: USA Posts: 22 9 1 hugs given	Jun 08, 2014 at 01:24 AM #14 it's real hard to find "true blue" friends. :-p when you find one let me know, I would like one too
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Mr. Michael Junior Member Member Since Jun 2014 Location: California Posts: 9 9	Jun 08, 2014 at 01:16 PM #15 Here's a thought... You're looking for friends and are sad that you didn't have the dad you thought you should have right...? Maybe you could identify those characteristics and traits that you think a dad should have. Then adopt those and implement with the people you meet.
	Reply With Quote