introductions

so do any of you guys want to introduce yourselves and get this forum rolling?

i will start, i am a divorced 33 yr old male with 1 child, my dx is manic depression, disasociative identity disorder with 3 alters that i know of, i have social phobias that dont allow me to trust anyone in real life, seasonal affective disorder, i have been a self harmer for over 20 years now, i have anxiety attacks when i have to leave the house to meet new peope, i have abandonment issues in regards to my mother who abandond me has a baby and i am sectioned at least 3 times a year without my consent.

my current medication is:
olanzapine10mg 3 times a day,
paroxatine 40mg daily,
procycladine 5mg 4 times a day,
chlorpromazine 100mg 4 times a day
stellazine 20mg daily
diazepam 40mg 3 times a day
and temazepam 40 mg nocte (at night)

hello my story goes like this---
i had a few bouts of Pleurisy in 2005 and was in hospital over night twice (doesnt sound like a lot i hear you say, but it felt like my world was ending) while i was in the second time the doctors said they thought i had a colapsed lung, that scared me witless. come to find out it hadnt but i was kept in for the night for them to run more tests.
i think that is when i started to become depressed, later the same year i left my wife and 4 kids, and a relationship with my wifes best friend started, this wasnt the best move i have ever done but at the time i thought i knew what i was doing, i think this lasted for about 2 months, when she dumped me via text message, my life felt meaningless, and that is when i od'ed the first time, for i had lost everything my wife my kids and this woman.
while i was in hospital i refused help from the hospital staff for so long that they had to ask my brother to give them the nod to help me, ( i was 15 minutes away from death) when i came to i was surprised to see a visitor there standing next to my brother, it was my wife, she had rushed down to the hospital when she could of easily just turned her back on me.
since then i have attempted to end my life once more and the feelings of dread and darkness still come over me from time to time.
2 years on and i am back with my wife and children who forgave me for all the %#@&#! i put them though. (please dont hate me, as i hate myself every day for what i have done)
i am on tablets for depression even though im not allowed to pick my tablets up myself at the moment. but one day i am hoping to be able to pick them up myself, and with the support i get from my family and here on pc, i am fighting every day to find my answer.

that was hard to write as im not a great talker and i find it hard to express myself openly, i find poetry a better format to open up..

hi therealme, a lot of what you said has happened to me also, so know you are not alone in this, you have a second chance with your wife and kids dont waste it, it is going to take time for you to be trusted again with your meds by your family, but that time will come, first learn to trust yourself again and your path will become clearer,

i also express a lot of my feelings via poetry rather than posts, sometimes i cheat and use others poetry when i cant find my own words to express how i feel but most of the time it is my own, do you ever post any of your poetry?

thank you for not hating me, i know i have a long way to go and i know with the help im getting from family and here, i will make it.
yes i do post some of my poetry here , but i just havent felt comfortable doing so for a while

i hope because you feel it uncomfortable to post your poetry at the moment that you have not stopped writing it, i to have not posted any of my poems for a while but i have continued to write them and save them to hard drive, it can be used has a good self diagnosis tool has you can track your moods and feeling threw what you write and the context in how you wrote it.

it is also a good way to show your doctor or wife how you are feeling, for example if you want to tell your wife something that you feel you cant say face to face then use one of your poems, leave it someware where she will "find" it by "accident" that way it is up to her to make the next move and it wont be so awkward for you

the poems are still being wrote, i have a number of books that are full of poems, some i have posted some im to scared to post , some are light hearted some are so very dark, so dark that i think doc john may have words with me, before removing them.
i used to try to answer all the posts with a poem but its hard sometimes to find the right words that wont upset others.

talking to you mellor
you sound a ok feller
your words hit me to the bone
pity we are all alone
this mens forum needs more men
more bob's, tom's and ben's
so all you guys reading this thread
come and join us instead
i i

if you post the trigger icon on your poem i dont see the problem, the icon is there to tell people that they read it at there own risk, there are some "dark" poems that have been posted in creative, disturbing to some but understood by most,

why dont you pm me a poem of yours that you think is to dark for the forums and i will give you a honest opinion on whether i think it would be ok to post.

i have been thinking about it for a long time, and if you still want to read my poem i will sent some to you.

I'm 42 years old and married. Don't have any children but have a dog. I was diagnosed with depression 2 years ago. My depression mostly stems from Genetics and many years in a high stress job, although I have some unresolved issues from my past that contribute. I Graduated from college and was in Retail Managment for 17 years, Mass mostly. I am now working in Antiques. I stumbled on this site by accident while looking for information on my depression medication and peoples opinion on it. Browsed the forum and realized how many people were in the same boat as me. Where I come from, Depression is seen as more of a weakness than an illness.

hi cajun welocome to the forum

glad you have found someware where you feel you can relate to others, thats half the battle, i hope you continue to find the help you need

It has taken me a long time to come to terms with my GAD.

I really need anonimity so, I am taking a big risk introducing myself.

I've had GAD for 7 years and just started taking anything for it last week. 100mg of Zoloft and 4 mg of diazepam at night for sleeping.

I''m 50 years old. Served 61/2 years in USMC. Have been married for 34 years, you can see I married young. I have 2 sons and 6 grand kids.

I always thought that people that have my condition were weak, now I am one of them. I hope I can get good treatment that works and I can someday be med free.

I won't post much so, I may not be a good participant but, I will read a lot.

Thanks for the forum, I now know I'm not alone.

50guy

welcome 50guy

if you dont feel like posting dont worry about it mate, continue to read the boards, there is a lot of information out there for you to read from other GAD'ers that may be of some help to you, feel free to jump in on any of the conversations if you have a question or query on any of the threads you will not be judged or ridiculed in here