33 yo and still a virgin,with no relationship,girlfriend etc.

Don't feed him the MGTOW crap, what a harmful ideology which will not only hurt him but also the women in his life. It's just a sorry way of blaming women about everything when you are unsuccessful with them and generalizing all women to be the same. There's good women out there that deserve your attention and respect.

MGTOW is an awful community, it's an echo chamber of misogyny, please don't fall into hate to replace fear or sadness, I've been down this rabbit hole, it just makes it harder to dig out of later in life.

I implore you to surround yourself with positive voices that break down these walls of sexual shame, of misogyny and bigotry. I feel shame, shamed that I allowed bigotry and misogyny to dominate my life for so long, the harmful behaviors and attitudes I had adopted about women and the harm I have caused in the world from my negative attitudes and behaviors.

Women today are not "hostile", women today are more assertive after centuries of oppression and having their human rights trampled on through culture and law, and continue to be the case around the world. Everyone deserves safety and security, no one owes you or me or anyone else sex or attention. We only owe each other respect, kindness and empathy.

I am a 30 year old man, I didn't have sex until I was 26 years old. For most of my life I felt terrible shame about being a virgin, I spent countless hours daily on websites and listening to youtube videos spouting misogyny to redirect my emotions of shame and fear into hatred and disgust against women.

I've learned that I am very susceptible to adopting emotions and views of those around me, including website authors, youtubers and podcasters. For the past several years I've begun to surround myself with people, websites, youtubers and podcasters who have a healthy viewpoint on emotions, life and other human beings.

I've learned that how we see the world is shaped by the people around us and the information that we gather from them. With regards to mental health I've been listening to Psychology in Seattle with MFT. Kirk Honda for the past few years, he and his colleagues/guests are incredibly kind, sympathetic and articulate. They have helped me to de-program the unhealthy information that have embedded themselves into my mind and manifested all those negative emotions regarding sexuality, mental health and other topics in culture that have been so terribly co-opted by hateful bigotry.

Psychology in Seattle Podcast, you can find a list of episodes HERE which can help you find what you're looking for. You can access most of his free episodes on iTunes, Castbox and I personally use Podcast Addict.

Here are some of the episodes I'd reccomend specifically addressing men's shame and sexuality:

#239 - 04/01/15 - Men's Shame



#1028 - 02/14/20 - Virgin Shame, Don’t F with Cats, and Movies Peeves

You sound a lot like me, except I'm gay. I only lost my virginity a few weeks ago at the age of 31.


I never felt inadequate over being a virgin, just a little frustrated. Gay men are stereotyped as being hyper sexual, and ready and willing to have sex anytime, anyplace. I was surrounded by gay guys for 6 years at art school. None of them ever looked at me twice. I felt I was completely incapable of attracting other men.

Being introverted and socially inept I figured partly accounted for their lack of interest. I have a strange way of making even the most assertive people uncomfortable by being so quiet and asocial. I never thought of this necessarily as a bad quality. If people weren't interested in sex with me for this reason, I was comfortable with it.


From the time I was in my teens, I was almost completely resigned to the fact that I would never have sex. On a whim, I put up an 'ad' on a particular website simply describing myself as an inexperienced 31 year old male interested in older men. I didn't put up a photo or describe myself much further, so I was surprised by the number of responses I got. I eventually got together with a guy, and it was a positive experience. A couple of weeks later I met a different guy, and the experience was more negative than positive. I don't know that I would recommend doing the same thing, because you never know who you might be getting involved with.

I sometimes thought about getting together with an escort, but never seriously. I never thought having sex with someone I had to pay to be with me would be enjoyable. I wouldn't have known where to find an escort to begin with, and I definitely didn't want to get caught doing anything illegal.

Now that I've had the experience, I feel very much the same way. I don't see what the big deal is anymore. My sex drive has actually plummeted over the last month since it happened.


It mostly felt good because I was miraculously comfortable being intimate with a guy I'd never even met before, and I was having an experience I never thought I would.


It wasn't mind-blowingly euphoric like I always expected it would be.