33 yo and still a virgin,with no relationship,girlfriend etc.

Hello,i feel a bit weird and ashamed to post this right now,but it's what it is,the reallity i cannot face still,i am as usual shy,closed self ,with low self esteem,low self confidence and many more,from school years still i was unsure and with self insecurities of what should do in some areas.

Lack of experience that a girl will notice easily with just the first communication,it's enough to stay away from me,i don't know what to say or fear will get a rejection in my face like a punch.

I often had some thoughts to make a start with an escort,but i have not the courage to do a move like this.In my job enviroment i have a lot of women to talk with,but again i'm just the guy less talkative there and nobody will impressed,they look sometimes weird or wondering things for me.

Self doubts killing me and self insecurities,i don't know how to make a start without be ridiculous.I should lose virginity sooner as possible and find a stable relationship,make any suggestion it can give a boost,idea or help.

Hello DarkPath: I'm sorry I don't think there are any particular suggestions I can offer. But I noticed this is your first post here on PC. And you have not yet been greeted. So... welcome to Psych Central. The Relationships & Communication forum, here on PC, is another one that may be of interest to you. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/relat...communication/

The Steps to Better Self Esteem forum may also be one to check out:

https://psychcentralforums.com/steps...r-self-esteem/

Here are links to 2 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that may be of interest:

How Can a Shy Adult Get Dates Without Using Online Dating?

5 Dating Tips For Introverts

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Well,i know many may laugh out loud and say what a jerk/idiot is that guy over here,but i just don't have the experience to try things,even the basic things of dating,of communicating,of socialize,i don't know how to say to a girl i like her,or to ask her number to make a chat or to ask her a met for a coffee.It's the classical fear of fealing that rejection is coming into your face and you don't know how to react,most of all i fear to speak for my self when they ask me anything,i'm trying to hide my shyness and this lack of experience in basic areas but i can't pretending everytime,they will understand after awhile.To be a virgin in the age of 33 yo and don't have even a "cheap" relationship seems to be more serious that it sounds.

I also hate social media such as instagram,facebook,even worse tinder type.

I have had trouble in this area as well. I haven't had a consistent relationship with a woman ever. I'm 26. I feel like people in my life expect me to have had a relationship by now, but when I test that out by asking people whether they think that or not, they usually don't care that I haven't had a relationship yet.

I have found that things tend to happen with women (dates, etc.) when you least expect it. One strategy that might help you is to just stop expecting so much of yourself. You don't need to go out of your way to make things happen (sex-wise) with a woman.

But you might want to try putting yourself out there more. What's the worst that could happen if you ask a woman for her phone number, or even for her Instagram or whatever? The worst thing that can possibly happen in that scenario will be that the woman says no. That's it.

Another word of advice: take it slow. I know you mentioned that you're a virgin, which is completely fine. But, if you meet someone that you get along with, take it easy, and don't rush into the sex thing. Talk first. Talk a lot. Then you can worry about the physical stuff.

Having asked girls out before, the best thing you can do is go into it with an open mind. That's the only thing you can do.

No,it's not so fine to be virgin at this age,people may think weird things,that you have a problem or you are just stupid,it's not something you can hide in any way,when you will meet a women,she will understand if you are experienced or not in some areas and probably they will reject you for this reason,that nobody wants to start a relationship with a 33 yo virgin dude. I don't wanna go in brothels,escorts,or search a partner through tinder,these choices are just too low level.

Of course, don't go to brothels, etc. But Tinder could be an option. I think you need to have a more open mind.

Women aren't creatures who judge constantly. Especially the older they get. If you find the right one, she will not judge you for that; I guarantee it. Of course, there are some women who might judge you for it. But, if they do, that is an indication that THEY have a problem; not you!

I really hope you can find some relief from this.

I don't know what to do.

Well, it just seems like you need to determine what you want to do! Do you want a girlfriend? If so, try to talk to women more, whether it's through a social group you already are with, or whether it's through Meetup.com or something like that.

Those groups aren't necessarily destinations to meet women for hook ups but at least you would be practicing your social skills with women around that way.

There's also the online dating thing... I don't really like online dating, but look where it's gotten me! I have no girlfriend either. But oh well. Life goes on.

Just don't give up, because relationships are hard!

It's a labyrinth,you wanna talk but you are shy and fearful that they will understand you don't have basic experience nowhere,you wanna hide but you can't,then they will laugh cause you are virgin etc,social groups are mostly fake with fake profiles and these platforms weird,online dating is an uknown situation,you give personal details to someone you don't even know.I'm miles away now and stuck in nowhere,fearing to give a try.

I get it; I totally get it. It sucks feeling that way. I am geniunely sorry you feel that way. It's true, people hide behind their profiles and stuff. It's true; it's true. It's absolute garbage. I think the society we live in has created a nightmare for dating, honestly. Everything is so vacuous. It's all about appearances. It's all about "what detail can I put on my profile to attract somebody?" It's all a game. It's a stupid game. Dating is one of the most ridiculous things in the world, if you think about it. Ah, I choose you! I mean, where did that idea come from?

It sucks and i cannot overcome it,too late now.

Girls will laugh out loud or will be shocked at first,something gone wrong as first impression or he has a main issue.Not just a low self esteem or shyness but something more serious.

I'm sorry I'm of no help, but I feel the same way right now honestly. I've never really had intimacy with a woman and it's hard. So whatever. I mean, nothing's gonna happen that's that great with a woman anyway. Honestly I feel like I'm over sex anyway. That's just how I feel right now.

All have to do with the fear of the uknown situation,the unexpected and inexperience,i personally don't know how to attract a girl,how to express my emotions or show that i am interesting,i fear the rejection or will say something will sound too stupid.There is an easy way,to use social media such as facebook with a fake profile firstly,post some generic photos of you and try to make some friends list of known and uknown people,start talking,ask slowly for a dating maybe.A second thought,ok,the wrong way but still result it counts,go find a callgirl,cheap escort teen and make just a start,lose virginity firstly,then try level up with gaining som basic sex experience,the more you do the more you want again,this will give you self confidence.

It's a basic plan into my mind but still i'm far away to start with it,seems to be a basic solution to escape with emptyness,loneliness and lack of sex life.

I feel ashamed and stamped to be virgin,i lost so much time with insecurities.

I kind of felt the same way prior to losing my virginity but you'll be surprised how easy sex really is to do. You basically just go for it - there's no need for too much else, at first. That will come with time. And besides a lot of ladies just want the straight up sex anyway. Do you understand what I mean? Just let your sexual feelings guide your actions and set the self analysis aside.

That's really all I have to offer here. I got sick of being a virgin so downed some beers and went to the prostitutes at age 24. They really don't care who you are or how old you are. Nice people, though. I left feeling really quite happy within myself.

Ladies of the night.

Do you believe is antisocial not to have facebook/instagram account,i mean,why everybody amazed negative and wondering when i'm saying then i've deleted my accounts so far?

I'm ashamed to ask a girl for a date or even a phone number,i don't wanna to know the current situation,it's a self defence from my side.

26, not a virgin. Lost it at 17. All I can say Is that it changed absolutely nothing for the better. It complicated my entire life, how I view women and relationships and I wish I had the innocent essence I used to have. Maybe, I'd have less problems.. I don't think you should be ashamed of yourself. I used to think having sex is what would make me a man or some kind of badge of honor or rites of passage bullcrap. I was sadly mistaken. Maybe, you should just focus on your work and if a woman cares about you for who you are she'll come around and it will all work out.

I feel what you're going through. I'm 37, no sex, barest amount of intimacy. And now, the word "incel" is going to make it worse to find someone interested in me who won't run away the second I'm found out.

As for dating, I am LITERALLY incapable of "picking up non-verbal cues." I'm sorry, I'm that stupid but I have to be told these things.

I don't want people to say sex isn't a big deal. If it isn't, why are there so many jokes about people who haven't done it yet.

I'm sorry, I wish I could give some sage advice to you OP. All I can do is say I know what you're going through and hope it gets better for you.

It is a common issue for most guys. We are clueless when deal with dating.

It is best to go MGTOW. Women nowadays are hostile. They can accuse you of rape if they feel unsatisfied with the date

Don't feed him the MGTOW crap, what a harmful ideology which will not only hurt him but also the women in his life. It's just a sorry way of blaming women about everything when you are unsuccessful with them and generalizing all women to be the same. There's good women out there that deserve your attention and respect.

MGTOW is an awful community, it's an echo chamber of misogyny, please don't fall into hate to replace fear or sadness, I've been down this rabbit hole, it just makes it harder to dig out of later in life.

I implore you to surround yourself with positive voices that break down these walls of sexual shame, of misogyny and bigotry. I feel shame, shamed that I allowed bigotry and misogyny to dominate my life for so long, the harmful behaviors and attitudes I had adopted about women and the harm I have caused in the world from my negative attitudes and behaviors.

Women today are not "hostile", women today are more assertive after centuries of oppression and having their human rights trampled on through culture and law, and continue to be the case around the world. Everyone deserves safety and security, no one owes you or me or anyone else sex or attention. We only owe each other respect, kindness and empathy.

I am a 30 year old man, I didn't have sex until I was 26 years old. For most of my life I felt terrible shame about being a virgin, I spent countless hours daily on websites and listening to youtube videos spouting misogyny to redirect my emotions of shame and fear into hatred and disgust against women.

I've learned that I am very susceptible to adopting emotions and views of those around me, including website authors, youtubers and podcasters. For the past several years I've begun to surround myself with people, websites, youtubers and podcasters who have a healthy viewpoint on emotions, life and other human beings.

I've learned that how we see the world is shaped by the people around us and the information that we gather from them. With regards to mental health I've been listening to Psychology in Seattle with MFT. Kirk Honda for the past few years, he and his colleagues/guests are incredibly kind, sympathetic and articulate. They have helped me to de-program the unhealthy information that have embedded themselves into my mind and manifested all those negative emotions regarding sexuality, mental health and other topics in culture that have been so terribly co-opted by hateful bigotry.

Psychology in Seattle Podcast, you can find a list of episodes HERE which can help you find what you're looking for. You can access most of his free episodes on iTunes, Castbox and I personally use Podcast Addict.

Here are some of the episodes I'd reccomend specifically addressing men's shame and sexuality:

#239 - 04/01/15 - Men's Shame



#1028 - 02/14/20 - Virgin Shame, Don’t F with Cats, and Movies Peeves

You sound a lot like me, except I'm gay. I only lost my virginity a few weeks ago at the age of 31.


I never felt inadequate over being a virgin, just a little frustrated. Gay men are stereotyped as being hyper sexual, and ready and willing to have sex anytime, anyplace. I was surrounded by gay guys for 6 years at art school. None of them ever looked at me twice. I felt I was completely incapable of attracting other men.

Being introverted and socially inept I figured partly accounted for their lack of interest. I have a strange way of making even the most assertive people uncomfortable by being so quiet and asocial. I never thought of this necessarily as a bad quality. If people weren't interested in sex with me for this reason, I was comfortable with it.


From the time I was in my teens, I was almost completely resigned to the fact that I would never have sex. On a whim, I put up an 'ad' on a particular website simply describing myself as an inexperienced 31 year old male interested in older men. I didn't put up a photo or describe myself much further, so I was surprised by the number of responses I got. I eventually got together with a guy, and it was a positive experience. A couple of weeks later I met a different guy, and the experience was more negative than positive. I don't know that I would recommend doing the same thing, because you never know who you might be getting involved with.

I sometimes thought about getting together with an escort, but never seriously. I never thought having sex with someone I had to pay to be with me would be enjoyable. I wouldn't have known where to find an escort to begin with, and I definitely didn't want to get caught doing anything illegal.

Now that I've had the experience, I feel very much the same way. I don't see what the big deal is anymore. My sex drive has actually plummeted over the last month since it happened.


It mostly felt good because I was miraculously comfortable being intimate with a guy I'd never even met before, and I was having an experience I never thought I would.


It wasn't mind-blowingly euphoric like I always expected it would be.