[babyfairyfifi]

Okay , you probably all know that my mother has NPD.
I've lived my life as her primary source of narcissistic supply. I was always my mother's carer, on an emotional level.
I am now in self preservation mode, and have cut off the supply. For my own sanity and that of my own children.
Harsh as that sounds, I think those who are in my shoes know exactly where I'm coming from.

Ever since standing up to her and refusing to obey,( YOU MUST RESPECT ME, I AM YOUR MOTHER!!! sorry no can do, I'm a grown up woman and respect is earned... )
I have removed my attention and mum has bombarded me with emails asking for me to email her. I have ignored all of them.

Now today I got an SMS from her saying she needed my home phone number ( she has used it many times , thought she had it? ) because she wanted to call me to talk as she has got cancer and has only 6 -12 months left to live. Then she left strict instructions not to tell my sister. ( Whom she is in close contact with , having stayed with my sister for three weeks recently)

I suspect this is game play. Very cruel game play as my maternal grandmother , uncle, aunt all died of cancer.
She could indeed have cancer.
But why the instructions not to tell my sister who is a grown woman of 31?
I don't speak to my sister.

aAARRRRRGGGGGHHH ! I hate having this in my life!
It's like playing chess.
Horrid emotional chess.

What would you do?

You ask a very good question. Unfortumately, some NPD sufferers will actually go that far. But of course you can't be sure I wonder if it might be safe to contact your sister and ask her how your mother is doing? Just in a general way, saying maybe that you do wonder sometimes even of you can't be in touch yourself.

Seems a little underhanded or something, but in families like ours there is often no direct way to do things that actually works. I take it your mom doesn't have any siblings that you are in touch with? They might be able to tell you what is up.

As I said before in your other thread I am fortunate that my sibs are supportive of me, and I regularly ask about my parents' health. A serious threat to either one of them would for sure be the point at which I would step back into their lives, as that is a time when it is normal to put one's own stuff aside and just be there for the other. But being manipulated into doing so would be a huge and unforgiveable violation I think.

I hope you find a safe way to navigate this.

[babyfairyfifi]

Originally Posted by ripley

You ask a very good question. Unfortumately, some NPD sufferers will actually go that far. But of course you can't be sure I wonder if it might be safe to contact your sister and ask her how your mother is doing? Just in a general way, saying maybe that you do wonder sometimes even of you can't be in touch yourself.

Seems a little underhanded or something, but in families like ours there is often no direct way to do things that actually works. I take it your mom doesn't have any siblings that you are in touch with? They might be able to tell you what is up.

As I said before in your other thread I am fortunate that my sibs are supportive of me, and I regularly ask about my parents' health. A serious threat to either one of them would for sure be the point at which I would step back into their lives, as that is a time when it is normal to put one's own stuff aside and just be there for the other. But being manipulated into doing so would be a huge and unforgiveable violation I think.

I hope you find a safe way to navigate this.

Thanks for that sensitive reply Ripley. I especially appreciate your supportive words after reading what you are going through yourself.

I have emailed my mother in reply to hers, and have not received a reply. I was very careful to be civil and concerned but not to be over fussy. It's been 5 hours or so since I've sent it ( and my telephone number) but to no avail. I am now starting to think this may indeed be a game.

[Rohag]

Hi, Babyfairyfifi! I'm sorry you're having to go through this. My Nmom (I'm getting slightly more comfortable calling her that) once faked a suicide while I was overseas. Some frantic but diligent long-distance research on our part brought out the truth.

[GrayNess]

To answer the question in your thread title, it depends on the type of narcissist. Some just want power and if they see you're of no use to them, then they're going to not bother with you one bit. From your other threads though, it's obvious your mother is the type of narcissist that craves attention and so it's reasonable to expect that she'd try to keep going at it to get supply from you. I cant say for how long or what her methods will be but she may go to more extremes (i.e. telling you she has cancer). A decent book to read or just get an online summary, is called Narcissism: A Nine Headed Hydra? by Bruce Stevens. Essentially, Stevens defines 9 types of narcissists, gives information for each, etc... . He also then gives examples for each so you can get a brief idea of how each type would be like in person. There are other books that do similar things, some with a different amount of categories or different names. Anyways, I'm assuming you'd want a nice and quick answer so here is a link that has a summary of the nine categories according to Stevens: http://www.hackvan.com/pub/stig/etex...aded-hydra.htm

There is one way to cut out someone who craves attention above anything else: ignore them. She knows that you're there so she'll keep going at it but don't give in, don't say anything to her, just ignore all of it. As for her e-mails, you could block her e-mail address or you could make a different e-mail address. Each time you give in by e-mailing her, you're putting yourself into the game. The problem here is that now it is her move, she is in control and she knows she can have control of you and can have a supply.

[Reagon]

http://www.healthyplace.com/personal.../menu-id-1469/
The above link was given to me by a friend when i was going thru the darkest time in my life. When you called this horrible emotional chess? that is a very good description.
Anyone who wants good information and understanding should read this book, i cannot tell you how much it helped me.
I hope you can find an answer.