For "NPD" only

Do you ever create problems for the game of fixing them? I have done this many times from small things all the way up to big ones. I mean in the sense of getting somebody to hurt and be very upset with you only to watch as you work magic to make them change into quite the opposite feelings?? How about when someone hurts you and you have a feeling of such happiness when you see how much they hurt because of the circumstance? A feeling of being into so to speak... I assume this is not normal for people who do not have npd. My mother who I know I have a great many issues with suffered a major heart attack last week the night of I drank more than usual and became upset and started to blame myself for feeling all the resentment I have towards her. The next day I came too and realized I am not hurt for my feelings in fact I was extremely bothered by my families ways in showing all these bs tgings because of this happening. My therapist asked me did I tell her how happy I was she made it through? I did not, I never felt that I was. I don't think after feeling bad the first day I had any type of emotion. I know why I am the way I am. I am ok with doi g things different but I also don't feel that family is as Important as people try to publicize. I didn't ask for them, it wasn't my choice. They have made me the way I am towards my own family that I no longer want to be. I am surrounded by very happy, loving people but my numbness remains just the same. The weight sucks especially now that I am dealing with it. With that being said I still respect some of the traits that made me into what I am. The ability to still triumph over others feelings, to make them hurt and feel guilt, to open there eyes so wide without having to do much. To not feel like others when it comes to feelings if sadness, to be able to get rid of those emotions quickly and move on. I cause pain that at times makes me feel great. Part of my issues that I'm working on although it still feels good.... The difference now is how I am so aware of what I'm doing

didn't replied to the question, tbh ive found out nearly one month ago and its has definitely been somehow crazy and very confusing in terms of what to do next.
thankfully I have a very demanding job and can avoid thinking about it sometimes less, but aarrg! when its sleep time and im thinking about it for hours.

the other bad part is that im now consciously avoiding social contact and that creeps me out. before knew'ed about me being N was working on my social life/skills and now im very confused about this.

Yes so much to figure out especially in the beginning. It's only been 7 months for me and I still go nuts every now and again. I will say though the first month after finding out I was really messed up!! I felt like everything was fake for me it was definitely a big mind game. The thing to remember most is now being aware you will be more intune to noticing things you do that prior just happened without thinking. Not saying it makes it easier cause for me it was so much easier prior to knowing of my disorder. Good luck and keep posting as I have found that "we" really understand each other more than anybody else outside of npd

Underground do you mean causing drama or situations maybe not realizing? I know I've been in it before, but I havent related it to my own npd. I'll totally have to think abœut it.
Meanwhile I wish you the best with your mother.

underground, dont you think is better to actually know the true behind our motivations and as you said "being aware you will be more in-tune to noticing things you do that prior just happened without thinking" ?

Im thinking about this in terms of interacting with poeple, cause now I know my real motives. I mean after all we suffered on our lives in terms of our real motives being somewhat hidden/fake before we know we were like this. This always had me a big deal of doubt, indecisions and introspections about my real self and real motives, and it was mind blowing.
With the discovery of me being a narc I was somewhat relieved cause i finally find out what was wrong.

Now we know whats causing it and we may try to avoid/control it, the fact that we acknowledge our real motivations and nature, the fact that I can prior evaluate situations and have a clue about my real motives; that makes me somewhat 'free' form the narc inside me and sometimes able to procees in the right directions.

So, i may be wrong cause ive recently discovered about this, but i think its better for me to know myself in order to change and be/live more healthy and happy life.

all the best for all us narcs

It does benefit to know what we are doing and why. For me I do see when it's coming, most of the time but when I have a severe reaction to something I am not liking that's said or done the reasoning is no longer a thought and my true self comes right back in that moment. Not saying its like this for all but at least for me. Being aware does have its pluses as in being more socially correct possibly but at the same time it has some minuses too!! For me I try to understand people more with basically no success, at times it feels like I am acting instead of being real with trying to be better. Falls into seeing everything in black and white for me with no other shades or colors. At times it's very hard to even express myself because of my mind, I can never type as fast as the whirlwind inside my head is saying things.

Yes definitely not realizing before knowing. After looking more into it though it seems that I created many problems because I really loved to be able to change into whats needed to make it better. Basically causing problems just go fix them. The ways to do that excited me. May sound a little nuts or maybe makes sense but it is what it was. Or maybe still is lol

been reading some threads on the other psy forum some people call circus, i guess theres some interesting discussions going on, can post links here ?

Underground, I think my problems relate more to whatever grandiose ideas I had in my head at that time. And I can get in too deep sometimes, not even realizing til its fixed or I'm screwed.

I love how the nons get moved from OUR forum:-)

i still dont no what it is

Narcissistic Personality Disorder Symptoms | Psych Central

Hahhhh, I love that ****... You're at a computer & don't even take the small effort into looking it up? It's not like it's some obscure search result. It's insanely simple. Lmaooo it tickles me.

I even bothered to do the oh-so-hard work of going to the "conditions" section of this site and providing a link. I deserve another medal.

Its been a while and I see we have some more action here finally. I guess I need to go offline for a few months every now and again!!!

That's typical isn't it? Hahahaha.

By George, it's a Narc family reunion! I'll grab the marshmallows & we can sing songs & make s'mores by the fire!!



Yeah... No.

But maybe keep the fire part.

Love it!!!!! Why was I gone for so long???? Oh I thought I was better lol.

Yes definitely keep the fire part.

I think we all wind up thinking we are better, then retracting it due to overflowing evidence, & then continue that flimsy cycle fueled by the ****s we do not give. Or at least that seems to be my case.

There is not much activity going on in the NPD forum here but on the last forum I was on before I got kicked off because of the over sensitive female BPD mod over there hated every other post I made. Sorry, I keep forgetting it's not about me Any way my favorite forums over there was the ASPD and NPD forums, always kick-*** topics very engaging, and often very intelligent. And the people were not over sensitive. So I'm not sure why there is very little activity here. In the other forum the admin and mods were a little more relaxed with the ASPD and NPD forums because the topics even the innocent ones would trigger most people. They had a warning in each of those to leave if your easily triggered.

Perhaps that's why there is so little activity here in the NPD and ASPD forums? We can't really talk about every thing that's whats on our mind can we?

BTW back to me, I was orig diagnosed by one doctor as BPD with NPD traits, but 2 other psychs disagreed and said it was NPD fully with some mild BPD traits but not enough to be diagnosed with both. See how they are? Freaking clowns

Pretty ****ing much.

I don't know why there's such a lack of activity here either, there's tons of members here just like some other forums but there's next to nobody that's actually active around here. It perplexes me. Sometimes I end up posting in the ASPD forum even though I'm not ASPD because at least there's some discussions every couple of months or so!

I suppose the question is, what do we talk about?

You meañ I should stop forgetting this forum now? Meh...been too busy with work. Better than the alternative I guess. See ya next time I remember this place exists:-)

The answer is obvious, dear. We talk about ourselves!! Lmao

Happy trails, depeche.

Hi everyone... new here. I recently found out I have narcissistic personality disorder, maybe borderline. I'm not diagnosed however.

I am trying to recover and I'm interested in getting to know other recovering narcissists...

I'm currently looking for a therapist to teach me skills so hopefully I will be proficient at recovering even.

This text I found has been godsent: Search For The Real Self: Unmasking The Personality Disorders Of Our Age by James F. Masterson. M.D.
It's the most comprehensive thing I've come across about borderline/narcissistic personality disorder, and I've been scouring for a long time.

So... hello!