[shakespeare47]

What do you do? Do you feel the need to get even? Do you react right away? Do you think about it later, and then get angry?

I find it very difficult to deal with it in a way that makes me feel good about myself.... It seems like a no-win situation. If I get mad- it's like they've won. If I get even, I feel guilty.

There have been a few times that I've got even in sneaky ways, but then I'm always on the lookout for their retaliation.

If I don't do anything, then I feel like a sap who doesn't stand up for himself. And I'm afraid I'm setting myself up for more of the same.

Does anyone else ever think about these issues?

Do you feel the need to resolve the situation, or do you just forget about it soon afterward?

[Travelinglady]

Yes, I have thought about such issues. But I am trying to learn not to dwell on such issues. In a way, if they are mocking us, then at least they are paying attention to us. And we can also see if there's something about ourselves that we might need to change.

[shakespeare47]

I suppose. But, what if there is nothing more to their mocking than a desire to make you feel bad about yourself, and/or to get a reaction out of you?

[glok]

If so, why would you allow them to know they have succeeded?

[shakespeare47]

It's a trigger for me.... it reminds me of my brother. He was right there all the time.... getting into my head. I ignored it, and he just kept on doing it... until I was ready to snap. and I did.. when we were kids, I broke my hand punching him (I aimed for his gut, and hit him in the hip).

It still enrages me to think of his behavior.

I feel defenseless when people mock me without cause (is there ever a time to mock someone?).

Then there were the questions. Are you ignoring me? Why are you ignoring me? Is it because of ____? You hate me, don't you? You hate me because ____.

I think in that situation... the best thing to do would have been a way to make it painful for him, without saying or doing anything that I would regret later.

I did once come up with a response that obviously bothered him. I told me that he reminded me of a mosquito, buzzing around my ear. I suspect that when I belittled him with a measured response it bothered him. It's like I was telling him in measured tones, that "yes, I hear you, but you have to realize your opinion isn't that important to me."

[shakespeare47]

Thinking on this further, it appears I still struggle with the odd idea that it is possible for people to take away my sanity, or take away my peace of mind.

Is it really possible that I can be sane and have peace of mind, no matter what people may say or do to me? That thought is counterintuitive.

[glok]

My thought is you need to be more resilient. Letting others define you serves no purpose. Laugh at these ones who try to bully you. You are stronger than they are.

[shakespeare47]

I have fallen into the trap of laughing in their face. And that can be counterproductive, in that they will try harder.. But, perhaps there is a time to laugh in their face, as well. I do like laughing at them behind their backs. I let them think I'm taking them seriously, then I think of all the funny things I notice about them when I'm by myself.

It's almost funny to me that I've been through so many traumatic experience, including a military bootcamp, and yet, I still can let people push my buttons.

The problem is that being mocked is still a trigger for me. Ah, well. What're gonna do? There's always going to be something, isn't there?

I do recall that a T told me that we can take it. I have taken it. He even got very graphic and explained that even if someone was physically torturing you, it is something that can be endured. People have been tortured, and yet have lived to tell the tale.

[ihatedepechemode]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

I have fallen into the trap of laughing in their face. And that can be counterproductive, in that they will try harder.. But, perhaps there is a time to laugh in their face, as well. I do like laughing at them behind their backs. I let them think I'm taking them seriously, then I think of all the funny things I notice about them when I'm by myself.

It's almost funny to me that I've been through so many traumatic experience, including a military bootcamp, and yet, I still can let people push my buttons.

The problem is that being mocked is still a trigger for me. Ah, well. What're gonna do? There's always going to be something, isn't there?

I do recall that a T told me that we can take it. I have taken it. He even got very graphic and explained that even if someone was physically torturing you, it is something that can be endured. People have been tortured, and yet have lived to tell the tale.

Ya but not everyone who's tortured is wired the same way or has the same circumstances surrounding torture.

[glok]

Everyone is wired differently with circumstances that at least in theory are unique.

[shakespeare47]

In bootcamp, one of the first things they teach us, is how to survive being captured by the enemy.
If one is captured by the enemy, one must make very attempt to communicate with your fellow captors. Be it in codes, tapping, small written messages, etc.
One must also always be on the lookout for ways to escape. You are ingrained with the idea that it is your RESPONSIBILITY to escape.
It's also helpful to resist giving them what they want. Give them as little as possible, for as long as possible. You may have to eventually give them something, because you can't endure whatever it is they are doing to you, but even then, it is still possible to give them as little as possible. Hold something back.
Control what you can control. Clean your cell, make drawings... move your bed from one side of the room to the other... change you environment for the better, because you can. It's also helpful to take care of yourself, exercise, etc.
Notice the imperfections in your enemies. The buck teeth, the big gut, the huge ears, the odd speech. Whatever it is. You don't have to let know you think these things (to avoid being punished), but you can notice they're not perfect.

The military prepares it's soldiers by forcing them to think ahead about the possibilities and by giving them some tools to deal with the situation, if it should ever arise.

They also suggested that it is helpful to remind the enemy(if you are captured), that you are human. Tell them you're cold and ask for a blanket... tell them you're thirsty and ask for some water. Don't let them forget that you are a fellow human being.

[QuasiM0d0]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

What do you do? Do you feel the need to get even? Do you react right away? Do you think about it later, and then get angry?

I find it very difficult to deal with it in a way that makes me feel good about myself.... It seems like a no-win situation. If I get mad- it's like they've won. If I get even, I feel guilty.

There have been a few times that I've got even in sneaky ways, but then I'm always on the lookout for their retaliation.

If I don't do anything, then I feel like a sap who doesn't stand up for himself. And I'm afraid I'm setting myself up for more of the same.

Does anyone else ever think about these issues?

Do you feel the need to resolve the situation, or do you just forget about it soon afterward?

I am very bad. I don't think about it inasmuch as I might react with a few choice perjoratives. I cannot be hurt by a stranger simply because I don't know them and don't care what they say but on the flip side of that coin I can be hurt by loved ones and more inclined to sit down and talk about what's bothering them.

Hang in there!

[Atypical_Disaster]

What do you do? Do you feel the need to get even? Do you react right away? Do you think about it later, and then get angry?

I'm usually indifferent to people mocking me, they're inferior to me and I know it. It amuses me if someone mocks me, if anything. I'll make a few snarky remarks to get back at them but that's about it. Though keep in mind I'm also Antisocial so I differ from a "typical" narcissist in certain ways.

[Rubytuesday81]

I would seek revenge in the most evil way possible. They would be sorry they crossed me.

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

I have fallen into the trap of laughing in their face. And that can be counterproductive, in that they will try harder.. But, perhaps there is a time to laugh in their face, as well. I do like laughing at them behind their backs. I let them think I'm taking them seriously, then I think of all the funny things I notice about them when I'm by myself.

It's almost funny to me that I've been through so many traumatic experience, including a military bootcamp, and yet, I still can let people push my buttons.

The problem is that being mocked is still a trigger for me. Ah, well. What're gonna do? There's always going to be something, isn't there?

I do recall that a T told me that we can take it. I have taken it. He even got very graphic and explained that even if someone was physically torturing you, it is something that can be endured. People have been tortured, and yet have lived to tell the tale.

Yeah, you do learn to endure eventually, but that is not always healthy. I was always an "endurer" and never stood up for myself. I don't know the full extent of the damage it may have caused me though.

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by StbGuy

Yeah, you do learn to endure eventually, but that is not always healthy. I was always an "endurer" and never stood up for myself. I don't know the full extent of the damage it may have caused me though.

Right... sometimes I feel like I am betraying myself when I don't stand up for myself...... It's like I'm telling people... "you just say and do whatever you want... I'm your punching bag... I won't get even, or mad.. and you can just use me to your heart's content". And that attitude really bothers me... It isn't what I think at all. and it's not how I want people to see me.

And then there is the other extreme where I can fly off the handle, and do extremely mean and petty things to get even and let my attackers know that they will have a fight on their hands if they mess with me. And that isn't right either......it gives people too much power, and it makes me feel guilty.....

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

But, what if there is nothing more to their mocking than a desire to make you feel bad about yourself, and/or to get a reaction out of you?

Ever think about why a person would need to do that?

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Ever think about why a person would need to do that?

Because they have issues...

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

Because they have issues...

Issues with seeing you the way you are -- something about that frightens them. They mock you to deal with their fear. That is what I would say.

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Issues with seeing you the way you are -- something about that frightens them. They mock you to deal with their fear. That is what I would say.

Perhaps... it's difficult to be objective about what kind of person I "really" am....

But, it does appear to be fairly obvious that some people do not care enough to even try to be objective ... and would rather just attack....

Maybe it's all just a flight or fight response. People are presented with someone that they can't understand/are afraid of/that evokes some kind of feeling of unknown/fear and they either fight you or run away. Then when they see you are willing to give a little they have to test how far they can go with you. They are doing trial and error on you to try and fathom you out.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

But, it does appear to be fairly obvious that some people do not care enough to even try to be objective ... and would rather just attack....

How many people do you know who do not fall in that category?

Being objective is not all that easy...

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by StbGuy

Maybe it's all just a flight or fight response. People are presented with someone that they can't understand/are afraid of/that evokes some kind of feeling of unknown/fear and they either fight you or run away. Then when they see you are willing to give a little they have to test how far they can go with you. They are doing trial and error on you to try and fathom you out.

Well, someone needs to tell them to "stop it!".