[Teacake]

So like this psychologist wigged on me. She was a pretty woman, tall, slim, blond and freckled. Really nice outdoorsy Colorado girl. I wanted to like her. I wanted her to be able to help me.

So we got to the place where she accosts me in the day room, and does the obnoxious thing of smiling fake bright smiles at one of the techs while speaking to me. She ways something artgumentative to me and when I correct her she smiles bright fake miss América smiles at the tech. It means, "i dont hear you, I am breaking contact iwith you and talking at you not to or with you".

What the fcku?

Then the blonde doctor who looked like if you had a woman duales toothpaste tube and squished it hemos the waist so the middle was lumpy and distorted without being disproprtioonate...she will be attractive, ecen stunning when she finds her way to Pilates. I formed the opinión that she was a good doctor. Some things she said indicated smarts and food medicine. But she did intentional bypassing in communication. Like sheasked if I room tryptophan. I said I did not. Then she said to me that I told her i did. And once there was conflict she was all giddy and giggly like we were smart women at a champagne breakfast with bimbos.

The fat unlovely nurse called the police to make me swallow a lot of ativan. Im a typical drug loving adhd ptsd person. Anyone could have thrown me a wink and said hey teacake you Seem a little tense. I called doc and she approved up to four mg ativan.and a zyprexa f you want it. But Megan had to call the cops and have her flying monkeys surround me and threaten to have the police take me down and inject me. She tried to make getting high feel like being punished. It didn't work. I learned karate with cops. I trained with them.
They saved me and my training saved me and I love them.

Cont.

[Teacake]

So all these staff people are behaving very strangely. Regressive. Like high school girls with a lot of btichy tensión.

And im getting that Its about me. But I dont see what Im doing. Im wears of pissing contests. Im wears that they are trying to come over on me, to assert dominance and Its not working and I not sure why. I do know fromi experience that of I submit it will only enrage them.

Tonight it occurred to me that I do know how i pissed them off.

1. I befriended an old doper. I know why we were friends. He Is high histamine and ptsd like me. We are alike. I learned a lot about ptsd from him. We played a game together with others and had the same ptsd reactions. We became hypseraroused and pissy, then ruminative and weepy. I understood what was happening. I was really happy to have someo.e lime me in the treatment centre. I hope I helped him a little.

2. The psychologist asked how id describe my childhood and I said it was optimal, eich Skeku.g clase and cumturslly enriched. I said I was gifted and borderline mom was profoundlygifted. I know psychologists are famously hostile to the gifted.

3. I dont when remember what I did to the doctor. Reverse engineering im guesing by her giddy tipsy schtick...I dont when want to know.

Someone mentioned staff splitting. I dont split a staff. If a staff Is solid it wont split. Do.t blame youbar poor team cohesiveness on me.

I prefer 3- to woman. Im real open a out the reasons why. Daddy was my nurruring parent. Mommy was my puzzling parent.

I am aware that I am a very attractive women without being particularly pretty. I have presence. Im not an !Important person but I appear to be. Im quite intelligent and Im...unflappable. Cool as an Arab.

What am i when tryong to ask? When people, usually women or feminate men, feel compelled to challenge me, and I recognise that Ive triggered It somehow, does that make Me borderline?

When other people turn I.to pmssy little júnior high school mean firma around me, does that make me borserline?

Of someone feels a twinge of inferioriry or perhaps envy because I can eztablish inmediatez rapport with all the hard cases, does THAT make me borserline?

I feel hated for being good. Hated for whats good about me. Borderline? Narcissist?

Im just say it right now. I am more sensitive to traumatised people than the staff at that place because i am one and I net Ive read more about trauma than any two put together. I still need HELP. Does asking for it and being wears of their inadequacy to help me make me borderline?

Its a bad day. Im just out of treatment and afraid to go back although if im honest with anyone I need to be back.

Please andaré me. Im thumbtyping, not drinking.

[shakespeare47]

I'm sorry Teacake... I'd like to respond... but, sometimes I find your style of communicating hard to follow...

Are you currently an inpatient?