[pearlys]

Hi, I have been diagnosed with personality disorder not otherwise specified. Previously also avoidant PD and hypervigilant narcissist traits.

Im trying to figure out the last one. I feel rejected very easily, I always had the feeling my opinion doesnt matter (if I have an opinion at all) and I hardly express my opinion. People hardly ever take me seriously or at least thats my impression. I can hardly convince people, even when I strongly beleive I am right and I dont even try to convince people. I find it very hard to talk in groups. I have no grandiose fantasies and I dont feel entitled. On the contrary, I think I have impostor syndrome. I have 2 bachelor degrees, one of them cum laude (with honors). If i tell people my achievements, I feel embarrassed because I dont want to be a show off. I always had a bit of performance anxiety under certain circumstances and social anxiety too.
Of course I try to cover my low self esteem and try to act normal. I do have a sense of empathy and a large introspective ability (according to my psychologists)
My problems have gotten worse as I grew older to the point that I hardly come out of my house.
When I am with nice people, I feel better. But because of my low self esteem and vulnerability I dont even try to find nice people. That means my self esteem is dependent on others? I dont want to be alone but I dont feel comfortable with others.

I am preoccupied with those hypervigilant narcissistic traits. Does the above fit into that?

[healingme4me]

I don't really know. I went home the other night, and re-read all the codep lit that I could handle. My T, mentioned going back from step one with introspection (didn't mention any disorders or this, but) because I brought up my love life after telling of 'unsolicited' positive feedback at work. And T mentioned low self esteem, when I mentioned a former relationship I'd had((when I was what, 16-22??))..
Sooo, getting to the point. I reviewed all this codep stuff online and it broached codep as manipulative and narcissistic. I was floored.
I just looked into hypervigilant narcissistic traits. Realized that the DSM-V has broken NPD into subsets. Hypervigilant sounds like what it used to mean to be codep, but one needs to also meet dependent pd criteria(is that even there, anymore?))
Alas, is it a coding technique?? I don't know, I just am wondering outloud.
Hypervigilant would be covert narcissistic. In contrast to overt with grandiose views...
Maybe someone else knows more and hasn't seen this thread, yet?


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[pearlys]

Thank you for your answer. Do you have some links on codep and other things you read?

[pearlys]

I have to add that if others compliment/praise me, it doesnt do anything. It doesnt make me feel better. Thats so strange, a lot of people tell me that they see so many good things in me, that I have so many abilities, but I myself don't believe it.

[pearlys]

Omg... im reading about codep and i recognize this... i cannot remember that i had this so strong in the past but now i dont even want to visit my parents without my partner. however I can be on myself, alone at home. Not that life alone makes much sense, not at all.

Can someone develop this at a later age? As far as i remember I was always or mostly independent. However the social anxiety was always there.

[healingme4me]

I will have to backtrack a couple of sites, where I was reading the past couple of days. One was the wiki on codep. I did search word for word your title, but sometimes it's about finding the specific passage to highlight in the link. My company today arrived a bit earlier than anticipated, I'll certainly look and share...


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[healingme4me]

One link requires membership, not sure if free or paid, to read the article on npd, the dsm-v is discussed in the online psyciatric times, so cannot share link here.
The other, had several typos, but talks of inverted npd and has a variety of suggested reading material. (If search your title)..probably safer to not clip the link.

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[Fuzzybear]

[Strategos]

Originally Posted by pearlys

I always had the feeling my opinion doesnt matter (if I have an opinion at all) and I hardly express my opinion. People hardly ever take me seriously or at least thats my impression. I can hardly convince people, even when I strongly beleive I am right and I dont even try to convince people.

Generally, these traits are the opposite of narcissistic behaviour. Narcissists are excellent at manipulating people and making them play along to their needs like puppets on a string. They are convincing and lethally efficient.

Agreed with above post!!

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by Strategos

Generally, these traits are the opposite of narcissistic behaviour. Narcissists are excellent at manipulating people and making them play along to their needs like puppets on a string. They are convincing and lethally efficient.

^ This.

For more basic information one can do a google search.