Something different from a Narc

So about 2 years ago my father first showed signs of dementia. Present time he has now been hospitalized twice in the last 2 weeks and is presently in a nursing home that is not set up for a person in his condition. My mother as always just assumed that all places referred would be fine and later found out that this one is anything close to being acceptable. I am the only one who has not gone to see him since he has been in and out in the last few weeks. I don't want to see him weak, I do not want to be weak. I also don't want to lose my mind on people there as I can't handle situations like this well and can become very hostile when stuck in a situation I do not like. I have definitely distanced myself from him since he began to be someone else probably because I didn't want to deal with the inevitable. Today I am numb, I also find myself thinking about the past and alot of things that maybe I have not done correctly. I also know that my fathers time is limited and with that along comes already somewhat loosing him just to happen again when the final stage comes. I can't talk to too many people about this so I just assumed write about my thoughts here. I know this doesn't have to do with Narcissism but this is in fact a narcissist writing of his own self feelings and thoughts. Guess it's ok then!! I am in no way looking to be consoled or to have others feel sympathy for, I just wanted to write about it. This was a man I always looked up to. When I was about 8 he was taken to a hospital via ambulance and I sat in his closet with a survival knife held to my chest warning that if he didn't come home I would stab myself. Luckily he came home lol. ANyway just to give some ideas on how it was for me. Don't really know what I am seeking but I did have to tell someone else.
Thanks for reading!!

Well, this admittedly seems different to me, for I am someone diagnosed with BPD not NPD, as you know. However, I live with and try to help a close friend (my boyfriend's mom) who is in late stage Alzheimer's. I know about going numb over this stuff. It gets so overwhelming sometimes that I NEED to go numb occasionally or I'll get crazier than I already am. Anyway, I'm not sure what's worse to be honest....living with someone who's just not there anymore and just a shell of their old self...or not being there at all until the inevitable happens. Everyone, who is NOT going through it, has some kind of theory about how one "should" react in these times. I say just do what's right for you. I chose to stay... and I live with it. It sometimes just tears me apart from the inside out...and I admit it's not the healthiest way to live. But it's my choice. I'd feel guilty if I left now because I do love her and I love my boyfriend. Is the fact that I stay out of love or guilt? Both, I suppose. It doesn't make my motives any less genuine, though. If you decide staying away is what's right for you, then it doesn't make your thoughts and feelings any less genuine either. I know you're not looking for advice or sympathy or anything like that. I can relate is all....and supposedly NPDs don't get along with BPDs but here we are....both just human. HAHAHAHA.

Hang in there! I'm rooting for you!

On another note all BDPs want to be around NPDs it's the other way around where the problem lies LOL

Interesting post and perspective. Feelings aren't something I'm at all good at articulating and I'm okay with admitting that(ENTJ here, HA!), so this was an interesting read as a fellow Narcissist.

I've read in a few places that borderlines tend to be attracted to Narcissists... Eh, I think borderlines and myself have some of the strongest personality clashes. It just doesn't work on either side.

Based on my experience, both my last two exes and a former close female friend with benefits had BPD. They were attracted to me almost to a point of obsession early on, but the first time I said something wrong and triggered their BPD symptoms, things went downhill until I had to let them go. It also doesn't help matters that I also have bipolar and am therefore, prone to saying or doing stupid things during mania haha

So yeah, I think BPDs are perfect for physical relationships or short term flings with narcissists, but they're terrible for anything long term and serious.

Hi ENFP and ADHD don't have much to add but wanted to say I am praying for those of you dealing with alzheimers in a loved one. It is a horrible situation and whatever you need to do to preserve your own mental health is valid. Sending hugs and support and prayers.

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Thank you!!