[sunflower1111]

I'll try to keep my story simple. I'm in my late 20's and I have one younger brother (3 years younger). My mother has shown narcissistic personality traits my whole life, my father has personality issues as well, but I'm not sure where to place his. He's wavered in between authoritarian, lack of empathy, and very passive. He's become more passive in recent years but regardless our parents "work together" and yet "against" in a dysfunctional manor as manipulators do.

At a young age I was the most aware of their controlling, manipulative, unstable behaviors and thus became the scapegoat. My brother was not, and became the golden child. I've moved a ways away from them as an adult, and tried to set more boundaries, but really I've just distanced myself. My brother and I both pretty successful career wise (all this means is $$$ to them), and I'm happily married (something I think my mother envies). Over the past couple years my brother has started to "get it" as far as how much he's being controlled, thus my mother's behaviors may be getting worse. They have lured him into buying a house in our hometown, he also believes our mother sabotaged his out of state job interview, and he just noticed that she never asks "how he's doing" like his friend's parents ask their children. I could go on, and it get's worse (for both of us), but you get the idea. He wants to move away from this. And he's ambitious career wise and want to try temp job elsewhere.

It's funny (not actually) that he was more worried about our mother's reaction, than his job interview. I don't see us going "no contact" anytime soon. I've explained boundaries, but the reality is I have a very hard time following through with them myself. When manipulation happens I always assume the best of them, and they are often pretty passive about it. It isn't until later that I realize I've been fooled.

My brother has been distancing himself more and more from our mother, however she reacted by saying something to the nature of "Am I not good enough for you?" as she knows he more often responds to our dad. She's been grasping at straws trying to find a way to bring him back into control.

I guess my point is I don't know where to start. Yet I kind of know I'll never win...By win I mean get along and become closer to our parents.

I'd be happy to hear your thoughts on any aspect of this situation, or feel free to ask questions, or link to resources. Sometimes I feel like I need a note card with step by step instructions for every situation. That's how lost I feel. Thanks for your help.

[black-roses]

I have been listening to my mother nag endlessly about how my dad is a using piece of **** because hes never given anything and was driving my sisters car without her permission. I'm sitting here just thinking in my heart everything i ever felt towards guys in words using the worst thing I've ever done was compare a guy to my father which was after i wanted to rip him to shreds and then i smiled because these kind of situations just make you facepalm yourself. I have never heard my mother be so frustrated qith the factor she chose him as a father. I didn't say anything but it is sometimes not our fault that we get dragged into a situation because we love someone. Then the lectures telling me please tell me you will be careful who you chosr as a father. To be honest I havent thought about it i have ages. I can guarantee that I know no one who can be a fathet figure but then again they are too young to resume that responsibility. At best the are just immature boys who don't know what they want. To be honest i can't even fathom how there would ever be someone tha a.matches me. B. Would be a good father figure. Someone who is careful and caring and have the same complex mind as me. I am thinking I may be asking for too much all I hope is he is not abusive in any way shape or form. A person who is nice is good enough for me I am not a woman with a long list I just want a man that makes me feel the opposite of the emotions I had while growing up.

[black-roses]

To your situation I can relate I know how hard it can be and to be honest your mother sounds like my father he takes everything for as never payed child support and when we don't want to hang with him he says that we only hang out with him when it serves our needs when he knows thats a lie. He has be that delusionalized to truly think that he must be just projecting it on me and my sister because on the inside he knows the truth and can't deal with it so he just throws his **** on someone else. As far as a scrapegoat is I am like the buffer of the family I stay with mum or else she would have lost her **** and moved to madeira and my sister has it way worse than me she works her *** off and then has my dad driving her car when she works her *** off. In a way I can understand why she would be angry with me I am the lazy more laid back one who seems to be having it easy when in reality I am stuck here with mum to tolerate her ****ed up relationship with dad still witnessing the disturbing sexual slurs and degrading behavior he shows her. I sit back and watch but I feel like I am tied and i might as well not leave because my entire family will bring me back. sigh*

[here today]

This is the NPD support forum. Not the NPD complain/attack forum.

I do not myself have NPD. My father likely did and the cold-heartedness that was the way my mother's family was was hard for me to deal with.

But the current psychological zeitgeist against parents who are less than perfect is very damaging, I think. Psychology doesn't have a way to help these people. And after a lifetime of trying psychotherapy to help me, I now think a lot of the problem is the psychologists.

There is another forum to complain and get support for dealing with parents or other people in your life who are less than perfect. Would you like to have the mods move your thread there? Or get some info here from real human beings who struggle and maybe you could see their side of things, too.

Here today, nice work!! I must say the op seems genuine to find help. Now is this to find help asking a "N"? I am not sure. As for the other one they do belong in a different forum all together. You see people it's pretty amazing that a "non" comes here and sticks up for people like myself. Very much appreciated!! Thanks again Here Today!! Your words are always welcomed by me.

[sunflower1111]

Are you saying this isn't the correct forum for my questions and concerns? I read this description and thought this was correct. "The place to visit if you have questions or need support regarding a personality disorder or concern."

This room is for people with NPD and others who want to ask questions to people with NPD. There are other rooms to discuss personalty disorders based on feelings and not actual diagnosis. If you want to talk directly to people with NPD then this is the room for you (mostly).