Narcissistic Rage

Like narcissistic injury, anybody can experience.

Some narcissistic injury, like a wounded child, became apparent to me in a therapy session more than 30 years ago. In subsequent sessions I told the therapist about some some "rage" I was feeling in my left forearm. We tried to talk about it, she didn't get it, I showed up for an appointment and she had booked someone else at the same time -- clearly she didn't "want' me, we set an appointment for the next day, she was 20 minutes late and I was enraged. It was still contained but my body language apparently triggered her and she backed off. I threw my car keys on her sofa, picked them back up, said loudly, no doubt -- "you're just like all the rest", meaning therapists who couldn't help me, and left.

With her, I became aware of the rage but I have not been able in the intervening more that 30 years to find a therapist who could accept it, in any form, and I just left my last therapist who did help me with some trauma and dissociation but not the rest.

I do not rage "out in the world" very much. I went into therapy overcontrolled and I can still usually "cut off" unwanted emotions.

Rage is just rage -- a human emotion. And if/when you can accept it in yourself, then unless the person is physically threatening you there is no reason to be put off balance by it in another.

That to me is, theoretically, the key -- having or developing the "ego strength" to both feel it and contain it.

And when one can do that the "flames" just go around you like you've got an invisible shield or something.

That's what we as a society need to be encouraging in people. Not shutting out the narcissists.

And when we can do that -- then I believe we can help narcissists transform themselves, too.

And when one can do that the "flames" just go around you like you've got an invisible shield or something.


I know this rage. I try to do this when my moods get me to this point. This is not easy when the mania turns dysphoric.

Would you like to give some examples? Write about your experience? I know that it may be mostly in the context of bipolar, which I don't have at all (that I know?), but I've also heard that bipolar mania can look like narcissism some times?

I'm very frustrated that therapy hasn't helped me more -- so looking for any clues. I think maybe we therapy clients have a lot of knowledge that our T's haven't tapped and aren't looking for -- so maybe we can help ourselves?

Anyway, I'd be interested in any more you have along these lines if you'd like to write about it. And if anybody thinks we need to move the discussion to another forum, I'm OK with that, too.

Well I don't think what you did with that therapist was wrong. That would of made me insane!! However the rage part I have (incase nobody here thought so lol). Maybe being more reserved as a child has made me more outspoken as an adult. We have a voice that is made to be heard. Just cause someone may not like what they hear doesn't mean it shouldn't be said. I am a firm believer in you get what you deserve, it's up to each person to determine what limits they will allow or not. Rage comes from being pushed, some handle this better than others. It's all very intertwined!!!

My Rage, simple example, very bipolar. lol--

I am waiting in line for coffee. The woman ahead is reading the menu and asking questions. She orders. Then she say "nevermind, cancel it. It is made with full fat milk instead of low fat." Then she says, "nvmd, she want soy". Then she says " oh wait that brand of soy isn't organic. Can she just switch to almond milk. And make it iced now"

I am behind her. My foot is tapping. Then I am making eyes at the barista. I look behind me at the other customers. My foot taps faster. I look at my phone. I mumble about her order. I cough and clear my throat. I stare at the barista again.

Finally I say, "BIoTCH, get out of line until you decide."
She turns around and we start to verbally get into it. Because I am going 1000 mph and I have a sharp tongue and i have my grandiose manic wit, I win the conversation and she sulks away.

Everyone looks at me like I am a monster. In that second, i am.

Two days later, I am back to my polite, sweet self, chit- chatting on the phone waiting for coffee.

So-that is bipolar rage.

Revisiting the idea of my being a covert narc, and wanted to post.

What exactly distinguishes narcissistic rage from more typical human rage? I'm mainly asking to see if the one or two thinks that cause this response in me could qualify.

Do you consider some of the behavior on this board to be N rage? Fights among members, blocking etc?

Yes, I personally do. But . . . Who in this forum is perfect? Lol

Holy Biotch. Triple-V engages a tragically indecisive stranger and scares her out of a Starbucks. Oh, to have been there.

Haha. That was a very PC example of what a bipolar does when pissed. I am keeping it clean.

I don't want to give bipolar's a bad name. I have never been physically violent in public although I have had bar room brawls. For the most part, the other person started them and I didn't back down. 3/4s of them have been with mouthy men.

And I have horrible road rage.

I guess I am the point I am making, is that when a bipolar is manic, we can seem very, arrogant, aggressive, violent irrational, etc.

And then we come down from mania, and are usually embarrassed or ashamed of the way we lost it.

If someone could harness the power of the the shame I feel for my pathological behavior, you could use it to power a pretty sweet moped. Shame has monopolized an embarrassingly large portion of my mental life. My very smart and empathetic T has convinced me that this shame is a fundamental denial of my disease, but that hasn't made the shame go away.

I'm sorry guys, but I am in the belief that not enough people say it like it is and how they feel. and everyone gets "a label" -- to me, it's just having the balls to let it out, as long as no one is hitting any one else.

it's those freaky folk who never get beyond their pleasant, controlled, and unmedicated life. those kind of people usually shoot up the post office or are abnormally kinky in bed -- but it isn't always a bad thing.

When you 'have the balls to let it out', you can really scare the **** out of other people even if blows are not exchanged, and that's not cool. If I were to lose my temper in a manner that was ordinary and frequent by all members of my household as I grew up, my mellow largely Japanese-American personal community would want to call the police.

i'm just trying to sound encouraging in the sense that some feel shamed. But I can agree with you. one time -- in my eyes of what happened -- a friend got very drunk and he kept picking on me and wouldn't leave me alone and then when it was time to go to bed and he was being more rude, he starts saying i'm the one being the jerk. i think i was getting the "look" but he was very drunk. can't remember details cause he isn't that important and it wasn't memorable, but i left angry, not yelling or anything like that, just left. he calls me on the phone and by then i'm pissed but already driving mand he begs me to come back and i told him once i leave i don't go back and to leave me alone. i don't remember what was said, but i was anry and i raised my voice. but hung up. he was very drunk. next time i saw him, he kept telling me i was psycho. i said to him i was angry and he pushed me. hes the type that is low spoken but will be the biggest and meanest *** on the planet. they make others look bad because he knows how to set them off. at any rate. i know what everyone is talking about. but i don't think anyone should feel shamed.

I personally don't feel shame. I do feel embarrassed or remorseful for the "innocents" caught in the crossfire. lol

I remember in college, I said some rather mean things to some people. I was undiagnosed bipolar then.

Well, I guess people can get enraged when their physical well-being or that of someone they love is threatened. Why we get enraged when our ego is threatened or injured?? Maybe because we NEED an ego to have a sense of who we are, especially in relation to other people, so we can function in a society?

So I guess, rage is a pretty basic biological response that has been "appropriated" by our ego response system, too, sometimes and that is narcissistic rage.

i just enjoy my moments in life when i don't care -- and nirvana sets in -- again --- if just for awhile, or until i see or hear about my sister.

"Her mind is Tiffany twisted" The Eagles

What is it about your sister?

So it's rage resulting from shame, in a sense? Rage inspired by a psychological, ego threat rather than anything physical...

I don't think I've ever experienced rage that wasn't based on something egocentric. :s

Rage for me equates to thinking of nothing else. Constant thoughts of getting back. Sometimes thoroughly planned other times explosive. Pretty much consumes me and doesn't ever end. Nothing is ever forgotten and forgiveness still needs to be learned. Probably not the best way to live as letting go would be so great. Just never learned how to do this!! Open minds help this cause, unfortunately my mind is pretty much never this way. To say i'm strong in my own beliefs is really an understatement. Just a touch of what it is.

And yes rage does happen here in case that wasn't evident!!

That's how I get when I'm angry. I can't think of anything else, I get tunnel vision.

I understand that the worlds not out to get me but my mind doesn't compute the same thing. Whether someone looks at me that I feel is wrong or while driving and someones trying to cut in front of me this really bothers me. I guess in someway it's an attack on my ego and I get very bothered by this. I have been known to be pretty bad when driving with my choice words for fellow drivers lol. Now, I try to keep my mouth shut and I even let people in front of me rather than the old speed up and block them from doing so. I guess this is a step towards progress in some small way. Reality is stupid things get to me. To feel attacked when it's not even happening is part of "my" issues. I don't have the answers for this other than I took a wrong turn somewhere a long time ago and this is where it has led me. It's as if I have expected people to read my mind and to know what they should or should not do. Whether I know them or not. I know..... CRAZY!!!

There's enough neurobiology around to explain easily how this could have happened. I explain it to myself that, yes, I made a choice -- I can kind of remember some of those things at like 3, 4, and 5 -- but I was a kid and it definitely seemed like the thing to do at the time. Then became a habit, then like smoking -- very hard to kick.

That the blinders are being lifted a little so that you can see what's going on and -- little by little -- try something different is a change right there! Hope you're having some fun with it, too!!

Rome wasn't built in a day.

Probably so ...