[Repentive]

Originally Posted by diane7260

Hello
I don't know where to start, so I'll just jump in. I came to this site to find support for myself, because I have come to believe my 36 year old daughter has Narssessisitic Personality Disorder.

Her situation was a perfect storm to develop the disorder. Her father was narcissistic and she was everything to him. Of course, because she was important to him, she had to be important to everyone, in the world. This went beyond the normal father loves and is proud of his daughter. And me, I just went along with it all to keep the peace. At 3, her father had a massive brain hemorrhage.

Raising her was like constantly walking on egg shells. It was so difficult to correct her in anything, cause cause she would perceive it as a threat as to how she saw things.

Now she is 36 years old. She gets so enraged for what I see as nothing. She got mad, for example, cause I did housework. I was ignoring her. There is no defending myself to her or rationalizing with her. And once things die down and she needs something or just wants attention, she comes to me like nothing happened. This is how it's been

I physically can't do this anymore. I have heart failure and this has too many devastating effects on me. And I can not go on.

Now I know, and understanding, my responsibility in all this. And I have allowed this to happen partly because of the guilt. So please don't go pointing fingers and blaming. I am pass that now. I have put up boundaries -small ones but boundaries and she is not happy with me. I know she is totally unhappy with herself and her life. She has a mega ego but no self esteem and I love her so much.

help?

Diane, I want to throw this out there. First, I am sorry for the pain and anguish you bare. As in my wife's case it must be tough on you. I wish i could get this point across to my wife. They are not certain what pre-disposes to the development of NPD. They suspect and I agree it is multi-causational. I read this one internet article that "it" could be precipitated by an emotional trauma at a critical developmental period and then being raised in an environment that has both overindulgence (spoiling ie; overcompensation and possibly continued emotionally damaging atmosphere) but how it is caused may be "mute". The "die" is cast now what to do about it. From my perspective if my behaviors are a deeply ingrained pattern of behaviors to "avoid shame" then an emotional atmosphere where I am constantly "triggered" to react in my old "maladaptive" protective behavior is defeating. Not to say i shouldn't have "boundaries" imposed but they should be imposed in a way that is "non-threatening" (if that is possible). Feeling threatened just promotes further reliance on "protective BAD behaviors. Hope this helps.

[Repentive]

I am the narcissist. I victimized my spouse for decades. i need help, I want help!! But mainly what I read is compassion for the "victim" and rightly so! But does the victimizer "get thrown away?" Is there no help and compassion for the victimizer? Where does one turn?

[Repentive]

Griffy2, I too am probably a "narcissist". There isn't much "sympathy" for the victimizers, (seems like all the commentators prefer to express sympathy for the victims and ignore the victimizers even the ones who are remorseful and seeking to change). I wish you well. I know I have made my spouse's life miserable which i can't change what I have done but i have suffered as a result of this "behavior". To drive away people who mattered to me, opportunities lost, jobs lost, and just recently a long time friend who I confided in as to why I am in a home less shelter didn't return my call(?). I feel like my life was "ripped off" by circumstances which I had no control of. I am in pain.

[AliceKate]

Yes, indeed, this is a forum for victims, but also for people suffering from aflictions that are caused by causes unrelated to victimhood. The problem with NPD and ASPD is of course the emotionally somewhat shallow side of things and indeed the victimization. Which is why I think there should be a seperate space for this on this forum. But then again, there was on psychforums and they closed theirs. I don't really know why, but I suspect it is not terribly easy to find moderators willing to handle these type of forums in a reliable manner.

That being said, I don't see why this forum shouldn't be used to help victimizers, too. There ought to be some guidelines of course, such as not to purposfully troll others or such.

[MuseumGhost]

It's such a shame this thread has never historically gotten more helpful responses. I am certain there are many members here who, if they knew this, would make themselves available with replies and support for those with so many unanswered questions.

Whether you've recently received a diagnosis for a type of NPD, or suspect there is a person close to you who has this disorder and has affected your life profoundly, and you are looking for more help with it all, please know that:

-These forums used to be hugely busy, and many people signed-up every day. There were many posters, and people came and went with a fair amount of frequency. Things are different now, and there are not as many users as there used to be---but the veterans who remain are largely very helpful (where they can be) and genuinely supportive folks.

-Please keep in mind that MOST people here are suffering from their own mental health issues, and could also be here seeking help with a situation of their own. They might not have many answers to offer, as NPD happens to be difficult to detect in so many instances; and it can also take a long time before someone realizes what they're actually dealing with.

-People's situations can be complex, they've been deeply affected by it all over time; and these things make it hard to discuss, as so much has happened in their lives. Please, if this ever picks-up again, remember to remain kind, and enlightened.

More help, here: What Is Narcissism and What Causes It? Helpful info from Psych Central

There's a lot there...and there are links on that page you can follow to learn more.

[MuseumGhost]

P.S.- I am on my own path, learning more and working to heal from some profound familial and relational Narcissistic abuse. I've been working on these issues for a little over 20 years, as I strongly suspect it was a range of this abuse from various people in my life that contributed to my own diagnosis of Major Depression and Generalized Anxiety.

It's been mentioned in some of the response posts that it can take a long time to realize what's been happening to you. Even with knowledge of the subject, it can take a fair amount of time to wrap your head around exactly what happened. Give yourself time to heal!

And, for sufferers: You know what you need to do. See a therapist and try your best to change the patterns in your life. And, if at all possible, try and make amends to the people who've also been profoundly affected by your condition.

[TheEbonyEwe]

The link in the 2nd, pinned closed post about the location/thread where family members can get support for a narcissistic person doesn't work. Where is that thread please? Thank you.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by TheEbonyEwe

The link in the 2nd, pinned closed post about the location/thread where family members can get support for a narcissistic person doesn't work. Where is that thread please? Thank you.

I didn’t know about that