[salukigirl]

I have always had OCD and got an official dx at 17. My mom is the same way and is on Paxil, which I was Rx but it made me a zombie so I'm on the lowest dosage possible of Lexapro (10 mg).

I bite my nails a lot, pick at scabs....all the typical stuff. Everything has to be even. When I wash my hands I take 2 pumps of soap, count 20 seconds, and use 2 or 4 paper towels. When I eat I split everything in half and chew half on the right side and half on the left. Things like M&Ms, I have to eat 2 of the same color, chew one on the left and one on the right. If I'm holding a glass and 1 finger accidentally lifts off the glass I have to lift all my other fingers so all of them have touched the glass the same amount of times.

This type of stuff has always been normal to me and I do it sorta subconsciously. But now I'm noticing my compulsions and they are getting kind of scary. Like if I'm on a long road trip home or something I find myself wondering what would happen to me if I just drove my car off the side of the road. Just turned the wheel really quick on cruise control.

Just a minute ago my boyfriend was buzzing his head and I had this urge to just buzz mine. Don't know why. I don't want short hair or anything. Just had an urge to for some reason.

I have been able to talk myself down from them and control them but I'm scared that they're getting stronger. I'm afraid to drive which freaks me out. I have asked my bf to drive my car before because I feel like it I get behind the wheel I will have those compulsions.

The thing is that I'm not suicidal. I don't ever have wishes to die or to kill myself. I never think about that. So I don't understand why my compulsions typically involve something that would hurt me. Sometimes I will bite my nails or cuticle to the point of drawing blood. I just want to stop thinking these things and don't know why I can't stop. I don't want to eventually give in to my compulsions and end up hurting myself or someone else. I feel like I'm dangerous or something but I know that I would never hurt a fly. What is going on?

[little*rhino]

heya... man we have a lot in common, don't we? OCD can be what is called "ego dystonic" which means that many obsessions/compulsions are contrary to who we are or what we actually want or believe. It is common for some to have o/c's about causing harm without really any desire to actually cause harm. Some have the pre-harm ones like you describe, while others get them as post-harm ones... meaning they obsess about potentially having harmed someone and checking the rearview mirror to be sure for example.

you have to refrain from engaging the compulsions whenever you have that power, or they do get stronger. If you can't avoid or stop, seek help for this. Stress makes it worse and i already know that you have had a stressful year and any thyroid issues you faced may also mess with your stress tolerance and biorhythms, etc.

stop trying to rationalize the obsessions... you cannot address them as typical distorted thinking, it will make them worse. OCD thoughts come from a faulty neruological issue... you can treat some aspects through a special type of therapy called ERP but that is a route to changing the neural patterns, and does not indicate that "broken thinking" caused it... make sense? You can't just try to analyse or tlak back to obsessive thinking. It will strengthen it if you do.

find ways to reduce your stress, ways to relax, see your doctor if you can't break this

pm me if you need more info or help... you aren't crazy, OCD isn't like many of the other illnesses. It's more like a discreet neural entity... like having a faulty trip switch on a railway track... do anything healthy that reduces your stress/anxiety.

oh yeah... the urge to blurt things out comes from the relationship of the brain structures associated with ocd and with tourettes... same region. It doesnt mean you have tourettes, but it is not uncommon to have scattered things like that pop up

peace

[sheri2]

I understand how you feel, what i do is try to channel the compulsion that i am having at the time into something positive. It is very hard to do but we have to keep trying.