[ihateocd]

Hi everyone

I was diagnosed with ocd around age 6 or so.. due to food poisoning, I became afraid of throwing up. It hasn't left me alone since; I'm 22. When I went through a specifically bad time in my life, around 16-17, (I lost my grandmother, was put on many different kinds of meds and had bad side effects to some, etc.), I became afraid that I was developing schizophrenia. The psychiatrist at the time (who basically treated me as a guinea pig with all the meds he tried on me) told me I was delusional because I thought these girls at my school didn't like me and were talking about me. Then I saw Donnie Darko. bad move. I was convinced my psych. was hiding something from me and I was actually schizophrenic and my parents were also lying to me etc. (That's a delusion, right? I know now that he wasn't actually diagnosing me as such, and I talked to him on the phone at the time which also relieved me of the fear a bit.)

Two days ago, I found a blog from that time and was reading through it, which MAY be a reason for this obsession coming back.. but the main reason is that the other day i had a dream that my mom had hummus the 6th day after opening it and got sick (lol we did have the hummus and i wrote the date on it obviously and was thinking how we should throw it away after 5 days - I'm still afraid of food poisoning). I don't know if I realized it was a dream until I talked to her yesterday about the hummus.

is that weird? that happens sometimes.. like i dream something and i forget if it happened in real life or not. and then i usually realize later that it was a dream. There was another point, back around the same time when I first got this obsession, that I would have this problem. I dream really really mundane things (like picking up a notebook from the floor) and since they are so mundane, I forget if they happened or not. Or I'll think I had a conversation with someone that I didn't. This is rare though, it hasn't happened for awhile until this week. So, stupidly, I googled "confusing dreams with reality" and up came the feared word: "Schizophrenia"...

Background info: I've increased my meds (Prozac) again to go to 40 mg (I was originally on 20 mg, then went on 30 for two weeks and for a few days have been on 40). I read places that memory problems could be caused by increasing serotonin, but obviously OCD makes me think its schizophrenia. I just worry that I'm delusional and always have been.

Also, I'm a Christian, and just learned about spiritual warfare in more depth. It is a doctrinal fact that many Christians believe in demons, angels, and such.. Am I schizophrenic or delusional for thinking that? Or that they may be involved with mental illnesses? I feel like I'm sounding so crazy right now..

Also (finally), there is a boy I like, I'm friends with him on facebook. I obviously have become obsessed with him.. but I'm worried, because if he posts a status with song lyrics or something, I'll look them up and try to decipher why he wrote them.. And think they might be about me. Oh gee.. I really hope that's not delusional. I have this idea in my head that he likes me too, and it's kind of like a movie where I'm thinking about him and he's thinking about me, but in all honesty, I think I just have a crazy imagination and watch too many romantic comedies. I'll compare myself to characters in shows or movies, etc. I hope that I'm not crazy that that this is normal. Since yesterday, when my fear kicked in, I've given up all hope for him and am now trying to get over him.

However, I read that just because you realize you're delusional doesn't mean you're not in the prodomal phrase of schizophrenia.

I feel like this post doesn't make sense, which is one of the symptoms of schizophrenia.. Someone please talk some sense into me. I can't call my counselor because it's the holiday, and it's too late right now anyway.

[racee]

Alright i think i can tackle this one (because you sound a little like me) GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE

ok...so my dreams and reality kind of mesh together sometimes, i forgot it was a dream and i will start saying something to my partner that was in refrence to what he did in my dream and he will give me crazy looks. casue it never happend
i get a like de ja vu wherei feel like somethings already happened, and later realize becasue it did i'm just remembering it in a different way.

see i live in my head, and i am constantly daydreaming (coping mechanism ipicked up from a little child) so reality and fiction blurr constantly for me.

I am getting better now, but i was akwasy constantly afraid of being schizophrenic, my dad is, his mom is, and my great aunt. they are/were all hospitaled 2 are passed away.

belieiving in demons spirits is not delusional, don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
it is part of your belief, yes people can sit theer and argue against it but you can do that with anything.
i grew up the same way i am more afraid of things that are not there than a human hurting me. crazy hunh! well i thought so, but talking to my therapist, i am not the only one....i can have my alarm on, and everything locked up tight...but it's not whatt is outside that i am afraid of getting in.

My ocd sets up panic and anxiety and just makes everything worse, i as well have the "the world revolves around me" mentality well that's what i call it.
where i am just so important that everyone has to be talking about me and scheming against me, or a look or a glance means something.....i am not that important.

I look too much into things, but i do study people.

Your post makes perfect sense, you should read some of my rants and writings if you want to read things that don't make sense...but that's jsut because we are trying to put everything down on paper and our brains are just thinking too fast and we want to get it all out and our hands can't keep up, and sometimes words just escape us and all we have left are emotions. and try and write emotions dow....you just can't

You are not delusional, you just have all these feelings,emotions, all this stuff, panic or sadness or aggitation, going on and your trying to fix yourself. don't let society push you in a direction where if you think "this way" than you are not normal. it's sad but it happens oh too much, and even i fall to it at times....

i hope other people post and share with you, so you can see how "normal" you are...i'm not saying you are without issue/problems/whatever you wanna call it, but i am saying not too worry yet, and i am sure like how i have friends...i told them if i ever started acting strange than to tell me,....anf they will!

[ihateocd]

thanks so much.. were you diagnosed with ocd and anxiety as well?

gahh i hate this fear. i hate fear!