[Keightii]

There are several things that I do that I cannot explain to others, nor can others understand. For example, when writing all of the letters have to touch the line or I will cross the word out and rewrite it; when loading the dishwasher I cannot let any of the plated touch or I feel physically in pain; I always have to turn plates the correct way round; my bad always has to be arranged in a certain way; if I say something wrong, misread a word or setence, or hear somebody say something incorrectly then I HAVE to correct it, however long after the incident has occured it is that I notice; all scraps of paper I keep and collect on my notice board, which I haven't taken anything off for four years now, including all receipts gathered over the past four years; the shower curtain has to be inside the bath and I am always rearranging the soap and toothbrushes to how I want them to be, and I always turn the toilet roll so that the open end touches the wall; I have to slepp with the window open, light and radio on; in the kitchen I am constantly pushing the chairs in to touch the table, and if they are not in then I feel physically in pain, etc... The biggest thing that affects me is certain doors having to be either open or closed, as I am constantly opening doors that need to be kept shut and vice versa. Everything always has to be just so. When I was younger, I used to feel that one side of the room was 'hotter' than the other, and so would foccus my attention on the otherside, until they balanced in my head, but then one side would become hotter than the other again, and this idea of 'hotter' and 'colder' would happen with anything, and at one stage it caused me to repetitively blink so that my eyelids were balanced, so much so that my parents took me to the doctors, but I didn't know how to explain it so they sent me home. I aso used to have this thing where my head would constantly be saying swear words and I couldn't stop, and consequently was always paranoid that I would accidentally say them out loud and get into trouble, only being 5 or 6. Now, my parents always joke at me about having OCD, although never having seen a doctor about it, but yell at me for neating tableclothes and closing doors, and say that I should make my symptoms more useful, for example by excessively cleaning, because I don't think that they understand how much I just have to do these things. I hate talking to people, so a therapist is my idea of living hell. Do I actually have OCD, or are my symptoms simply related to other things, or not related at all? What should I do about it?

[PaintTheRoses88]

I am no expert, by any means, but I have done quite a bit of research on the disorder because my boyfriend does have it. From what I understand, you're plagued by obsessive thoughts: plates being not "right", shower curtain not being in the "right" place, room being hot or cold on one side (unbalanced), etc. These obsessive thoughts cause you a great deal of anxiety or, as you described it, physical pain. Anxiety can sometimes manifest as physical pain. So in order to relieve this painful anxiety, you will perform acts or rituals (the compulsions). The constant, repetitive eye blinking to "balance" the hot/cold of your eyelids could be considered one of those rituals. The ritual doesn't have to make sense even to you, in fact, one of the defining features of OCD is that the rituals often don't make rational sense. Usually OCD sufferers know the things they do don't make sense, but they're so tormented by the anxiety that they just feel they HAVE to do it. Unfortunately, OCD is a clever disorder which constantly feeds on itself. The more reassurance you derive from these rituals, the more reassurance you will need to alleviate the anxiety. The compulsions are short-term solutions to the constant anxiety.

Have you done further research? The first thing I suggest anyone do in such a situation is to arm yourself with knowledge. This site has more information on OCD and there are other sites such as NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) or the Obsessive Compulsive Foundation.

http://www.nami.org

http://www.ocfoundation.org

If these symptoms are constantly interfering with your ability to live a normal life and if they are interfering with your family's lives, you may need to consider getting professional help. You say you hate the idea of talking to a therapist, but keep an open mind about it. It is very unlikely it is something which will go away on its own if these acts are detrimental to normal functioning. I would recommend doing some more research and there are simple coping tips you can learn on your own about thwarting anxiety. As I said before, OCD is a disorder which feeds upon itself. I'm not saying you have the disorder because I can't really make that assumption from a single post. But it's a definite possibility from what you've described. And, if you want, you can read my post on my boyfriend's problems with OCD to get a grasp of just how bad it can get if left unchecked.

I hope this helps and best of luck to you!

[Keightii]

Thanks, those websites were really useful. I read your post, and I can see that it's clearly been very hard on you, your boyfriend and his family, and that OCD needs to be combatted in its early stages. I can really relate to what you're saying about OCD feeding on itself, as my symptoms are only getting worse, not better, and nobody should have to be put in your situation. Good luck to you too! Thank you, Keightii