[Lifeistrulyaride]

Once again..I'm not diagnosed. But Now that I've been thinking more about different odd behaviors of mine..I feel the need to vent about them further.

I think my finding patterns obsession started a few years ago, with time. I always thought I was cool every time I'd look at the clock and see all the same numbers. But then it started happening often. Like 3:33, 2:22, 11:11..then times like 9:11 started happening and I always tied something bad was about to happen every time I saw the clock that way.

Sometimes I have weird dreams..I think some are tied in with my repressed sexual abuse..but now I feel like it's compulsive. I used to say I had premonitions. Like I'd dream I'd get hit by a car..then I almost did the next day. Or I dreamed my roommate's boyfriend would break up with her and the next day he did. Or I dreamed someone would die and it happened. Then another odd thing about my dreams..which I think someone else posted..was an obsession with doctors and therapists. No, I don't think I'm always sick and that everything's wrong with me. But I have dreams where I tell someone I love that I have cancer and that I'm dying soon and that I want to live my life..like I have these dreams really often. And it makes me feel really guilty because I know people..close people who have had and have cancer. I have some dream that I'm really messed up..these started when I was 14...I remember someone with a gun shooting at some innocent person and I'd jump in front of them..and would like just lay there with the wound and get helped..or recently..I had this dream that I had a really high fever and had to be hospitalized and put in an ice bath because I was getting to the point where it was dangerous to be that way. Nevertheless, I've had a lot of these dreams. Ones where bad things happen to me..whether I'm sick..injured..or raped..and other than sexual abuse, I've been fine.

I think I'm a checker too. In my previous OCD post I posted about constantly checking my purse. and panicking. I also always check behind me. This has been the case for me since like 3rd grade when I started walking home from school. I remember I was with my friend, and I saw a mail truck..and I kept turning my head to check and I couldn't stop..like I had this huge fear that this mail man was walking behind us or was following us or looking at us. I'm still like this. I've just realized that. And it's unfortunate. I hate that like one minute panicky fear that makes me feel like I'm dying.

Someone also mentioned the bug thing...I know I've always had a phobia of bugs..even small ants. Last week..I was trying to sleep and felt a tickle on my stomach and when I scratched a huge bug was on the skin of my stomach. and I swiped it and threw my computer and ran up off my bed. And I cried and begged my mom to find it and she refused and I kept freaking out..couldn't sleep in my bed for days. I camped out in my living room. I still feel the bug on my skin...I don't think that's normal.

[Maven]

I would recommend seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist to see if he/she agrees with your diagnosis. It certainly could be OCD. I know how you feel, obsessing about things like bugs. I wouldn't say I have a phobia about bugs, in the sense I don't feel fear when I see them (generally), but I worry about them getting on my things or flying around anything dusty and spreading the dust (which is an OCD issue for me).

Saw you're in Jersey, so hi from another Jersey girl (assuming you mean NJ in the US).

[Lifeistrulyaride]

Ah yeah once I get time and money I definitely need to see one...I was just out today..and panicked again over something. I went to a bagel place to get a dozen bagels and some pumpkin creamcheese (which btw if any of you have never had, it's the best thing God has ever created)..and well I was walking in the parking lot with my girlfriend and all of a sudden I felt like I couldn't breathe..and I started searching through the bag with the bagels and cream cheese in it..thinking my cell phone was in the bag and I kept checking like 5 times..and I started cursing and freaking out..and my girlfriend..already angry over something turned around and was like what's wrong. And then I realizied how stupid I felt because I was holding my cell phone the entire time. I feel like I'm definitely a checker. I have to check a few times to see if the car..or door is locked. Or to see if my keys are really where I placed them in my purse or if they're there at all. I do have a phobia of bugs..but I am repulsed by them and think they are dirty..well they are.. after my girlfriend told me they throw up on you..flys I mean..when they land on you..everytime on landed on me I'd run to a bathroom to clean myself off..shower..or wash my arm or hair or hand. I think I think more compulsively. Like since the bug was on my stomach..I kept checking my stomach compulsively to see if anything was on my stomach anymore. A slight tickle on my body made me have to check my leg..or stomach or hand or arm. And I had to sleep in my livingroom for awhile until I had my mom move furniture and clean and inspect the room.

But yes I am a Jersey girl. Well not really. I'm originally from Long Island. But I do live in New Jersey in the US.