[bronzeowl]

Kind of nervous posting this here since it's admitting that I have this habit. But I've been reading a bit about Trichotillomania (maybe I shouldn't be, admittedly, but I saw an article that referred to it as "hair pulling disorder" and that instantly caught my curiosity) and now I have a question. Or a sort of question. Or something.

I've always had this odd fascination with my hair. My mother says that even when I was younger, she would often have teachers telling her that I would try to eat my hair. I don't do that any more. I cannot say why, but for whatever reason (reprimanded for it too many times, grew out of it, I don't know) I stopped doing that. However, the "fascination" with my hair did not go away.

I have two habits where it concerns my hair. The first is mostly harmless. I'll twist a lock of hair (always the front, "my bangs") around my finger. I have to do this a certain way and a certain number of times for it to feel "right". This habit is rotated between subconsciously doing it (as in I don't notice I'm doing it until someone points it out) or consciously doing it (as in sometimes I am well aware of the behavior but still cannot stop until it's done "right"). The second, however, isn't harmless. I run two fingers through my hair - it's always the same place, the "middle" of my scalp - and yank downward. This is more often than not a subconscious behavior in that I'm only vaguely aware I'm doing it and usually don't realize I've done it until the behavior is over or someone points it out. I've been doing this for five or so years now. (Since I was in my late teens, I'd estimate) I've tried shaving my head, but that doesn't completely stop the behavior as I still try to do it (even without hair there). Until this year, it didn't bother me much. But now, that particular area of my head is balding (I cover it up by wearing a sort of scene kid "fringe") and a few times, I have done it until a new bald spot formed that was literally raw. I have lain in my bed at night, on my computer... to get up and notice my pillow is filled with strands of hair. Heck, right now, I'm looking at strands of hair all over my bedsheets from tonight alone.

My question is, what kind of pulling classifies as Trichotillomania and if this sounds like it might be it? I don't know. I've never thought of it as pulling, but since I'm "pulling" strands of hair out, would it still be trich? I'm kind of anxious asking this question, I must admit. My family knows I have a weird obsession with my hair, but I've never admitted that I have a bald area in the middle of my head because of it. Any help is appreciated. Also, advice is more than welcome, as well.

[Gus1234U]

dear bronzeowl, step back a minute and reread your post,, you answer most of your own questions, and the rest are of little importance for purposes of treatment. If you have a repetitive behavior that you cannot interrupt, that is an OCD. there are some meds that help it for some people,, mostly not. Hair pulling is usually pulling one hair at a time, deliberately, but not always. Sometimes it does involved eating the hair.... every one is so unique, we can not be lumped in a heap. i was fortunate to find relief in Acupuncture. i hope you find a way to stop. best wishes,, Gus

[bronzeowl]

I suppose I probably did. Maybe for some odd reason I wanted someone to confirm it? I don't know. The unique part is what I was thinking. If I'm doing it, regardless of how, I'm doing it. Not sure how much sense I'm making right now, just woke up. Thank you for the post and the best wishes. I hope I do, too.

[youngdumbandinlove]

i have tric too! saaaaame story. it sucks, my therapist has reccomended 3 things for me to do, or try, and beleive i try these things everytime i pull. one of them is after you pull look at the hair and ask it why. or yourself, you might not come up with an answer right then and there but your constantly reminding yourself its bad by asking why you do it. another thing, when you are sitting and picking and pulling after, look at the ground or whereever you disposed of the hair, and put in and envelope seal it and write the date on it, what you do with said envelope is your choice, burn it, trash it, keep it as a reminder whatever you feel best. and then last tip is catch yourself before you pick and put on a hat or a pair of gloves make it harder for that impulse to come into play hope this helps, it does help me and i have done it all my life, (tric) and it also resulted in me picking at my skin till i bleed, or itching. so i hope it helps, and i hope we could help each other.

[mel.davis581]

i am in the middle stages of trich, ive twirled and played all my life but within the past few years it turned to twisting until it ripped out and then running my hands through itfrom the top and pulling hair out, any tangles, i rip out. im scared ill be bald soon, i have a gap and i havent checked my scalp yet...

[Mystic4]

Although I don't remember a specific day when I started to pull my hair I was around 13.
I remember the day my sister noticed my bald spot larger than a golf ball on the side of my head. My mother I remember was mortified and I didn't exactly know what I had done wrong.
Over the next few months I spent in and out of specialists. But even though I had all that help nothing we seemed to try would stop my disorder.
Thoughout the last years of primary and the first 3 years of high school were for me what I thought were the worst times of my life.
My pulling got so bad my mum and I agreed that the only thing left to do was shave my remaining clump of hair off my head.
I couldn't believe or even come to terms with the fact that while all my friends started to go out with boys, wearing make up and getting their hair done on a regular basis was what I seen as something I would never get to experience. I was depressed, anxious and I was failing at school. I wanted nothing more than to see my mum and family happy. I know they loved me but I knew deep down and felt that they were embaressed of me. My sisters would ignore me when with their friends just so they could get out of having to explain my condition to their friends when they asked what was wrong with me. I was ashamed of myself and what I had become. I knew I had to stop. I was fighting with my mum constantly she was sad for me everytime she'd noticed I'd touched my hair. I couldn't bare to see her like this anymore and I knew something had to be done.
After years of trying everything possible from wearing stockings on my head whilst sleeping, to sticky taping the tips of my fingers also when going to bed. I suddenly one day just stopped. I can't remember when or what day it was but I do know I had just started to take my swimming seriously., Throughout my years I loved to swim and was really good at it. But when my pulling to to the point of not being able to hide it I stopped. Getting back in that pool was like a huge stress reliever and wake up call. I had a distraction and six months later I my one bald head was completely covered with hair. I was feeling on top of the world. Nothing could stop me.
By year 10 my hair was past my shoulders, it was a beautiful thick wavey auburn head of hair. I was at the top of my year in school and had my confidence was through the roof. I was representing my region in swimming and touch and I felt like I was a completely new person. I loved who I had become and never throught once about touching my hair.
I went 4 years without one single urge. But when it come time to leave my home town for UNE I started to worry. 3 months into UNE I must have slowly gotten back into my old habits. I don't remeber starting but it happened not as fast but I slowly became caught up in my old pattern. I left une as I was anxious and felt like i didn't want to be there. I wanted to go home. I wanted to be comfortable and was scared that this sudden change was what I felt to be the reason for trich to be slowly coming back into my life.
After 2 months of being at home I met my partner. We were together for a year and decided it was time to move in together. So I moved 20 mins from home to a smaller town. My urges vanished and I was happy with life. I was loving my new home and my great partner. We decided to buy our first home and also I fell pregnant. Everything was happening so fast. We literally were moving in the day we had our beautiful daughter. We were so happy with our precious girl and new home.
I don't exactly know what triggered my OCD but I think it was a lot of things, after we had our daughter my partner had a crazy obsessed crush (stalker) who was trying to destroy our relationship- she made out my partner was trying to hit on her, talk to her ect. I was struggling with coming to terms with it as I was self concious and down on my image after just giving birth to our daughter. Even though I trust my partner and didn't believe her I felt targeted and had alot of things on my mind.
I felt alone in my my new town and started to become anxious. My pulling started again. It has come to the point where I can't even wear my hair down. I feel soo sad and disappointed in myself. I spend hours a day trying to perfect my ponytail. Making sure nothing is noticeable. I feel so cranky at myself. It is SO selfish of me to spend that time infront of the mirror while my poor daughter misses out on that valuable time with her mummy that we will never get back. I am ashamed of myself and what I have started again. I want nothing more than to spend every minute with my daughter and not have to worry about my hair.

This is the first time I have spoken to anyone since this started again. My parnter doesn't even know but god it has affected our relationship.; I have lost my confidence, Im down all the time and have cut off social outings with friends as I have no chance of doing my hair. My partner thinks that my hair falls out...thats what I have told him because I'm too ashamed of telling him the complete truth.. Its not that he'd leave or love me any less its just I feel that he won't understand that I can't control it because I control everything else. I have to get this under control, lately I have been crying myself to sleep..thinking about my poor baby who I feel I have neglected...even though I spoil her rotten and love her more than anything I feel I don't devote my whole time to her like I should. I want to be able to get my hair done like I use to instead of standing infront of the mirror contemplating whether I should just shave it off!! I am pregnant with my second I remember how beautiful and fast my hair grew during my first pregnancy. We have planned a holiday at the end of the year and I would love more than anything to have these next few months pull free so I can go swimming with my daughter and come time to welcome our new addition to the family without having to even glance at my hair in the mirror. I NEED help!! I NEED support off people like you!! People who completely understand what is going on.

[Miswimmy1]

I used to chew my hair. What you are describing definitely sounds like an anxiety disorder, and specifically, OCD. I would get help bc anxiety is treatable