On my wit's end...

Hello to everyone. My name's Wren a nd I've been diagnosed with OCD (the mental type) since October last year. Since last week, I've been battling an intrusive thought. Actually I don't even know if it's an obsessive thought or already a delusion. I'm a fairly logical person and what I'm dealing with is so bizarre. The thought revolves around me and a brain simulator and· everyone and everythinyg (thoughts, actions, logic) I know is just a product of that said simulator. As I'm typing this I realize it's completely senseless but I can't help bit wonder what if? The objects and things being illusions I can deal with but the people? It kills me to sorta know that the people I care about and the people I interact with don't really exist hence them not really loving me back. It hurts and I feel somewhat guilty. What's worse is me pondering if all my thoughts and decisions is due to said simulator as well. I can talk myself out of it using common sense but it keeps coming back. I've also made the mistake of searching up on the net about delusional thinking
and learned that delusional people do question their beliefs and it sparked a new rumination in my mind. "What if the simulator led me to searching it?""Nah that's completely bollocks but what if I'm delusional already and I am just denying it?""What if I'm already succumbing to the thought?" These things have been running through my gead and I'm beating myself up for even considering that intrusive thought to be pro1bable. aI really hate my brain right now and idk what to do since everywhere I turn to the nagging thought persists. Do you guys think I'm delusional? Or is this still OCD? I've been on Lexapro(it did help a lot) but got switched to Olanzapine cause I brought this up . vv b to my pdoc. Right now my OCD brain spurted out a thought that this is pointless but I just have to try. I just wanna get past this. Please help! Sorry typed this on my phone.

wren, I definitely suggest that you get an appointment with a psychiatrist. This person has the training to answer your questions. Meanwhile, if you can't get an appointment fast enough to help you, then see about talking to a therapist. I am concerned about how much distress you are under and want you to start getting some relief. I know intrusive thoughts aren't any fun.

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