[We_do_recover]

for years, during recovery from addiction, i have gone through cycles of bizarre and obsessive thinking. i've been clean off drugs and alcohol for a little over 7 years, now. i suffer form depression and i am on medication for it. while i am on meds, these symptoms are less frequent, but not completely gone. it seems to cycle 2 or 3 times a year, with some symptoms coming and going, but others are fairly constant, even outside of those cycle periods

i'm in the middle of one of these periods at the moment and this is a typical day for me:

i wake up, and almost immediately random music starts playing in my head. not something i've heard on the radio, recently, not something that i've heard somewhere, but something that i know. and then the intrusive thoughts begin. thoughts about drugs, violence and sex are the most common. they are not "nice" or "pleasant" thoughts, they are truly disturbing and intrusive. and they get stuck in my head. sounds, phrases and images that i encounter will randomly lodge themselves in my conscious thought stream and i cannot get them to go away. inevitably, i begin to obsess about obsessing. sometimes, i can't focus on tasks and i am easily distracted. the music plays non-stop, unless i play music on my computer. even then, it sometimes doesn't stop playing in my head, so there are 2 different tracks playing if my computer is on. oh, and bread has to be buttered on a certain side and i always start ascending or descending stairs with my right foot. it's not the end of the world if i don't, but i really really prefer it that way… oh, and whenever i am stressed out, anxious, nervous, tired or depressed i twist and pull my hair at the back of my head. i don't pull it out, i just sit and twist it round and round and tug at it

it sounds really weird to me, even as i am writing this and i sometimes can't believe that this stuff is going on in my head. i know i need to go and speak to my old therapist about this, because it is not something that i ever brought up with him before (not sure why…)

can anyone who has been diagnosed with OCD relate?

[Travelinglady]

I don't have OCD. Let's hope someone who does will respond before too long. However, it certainly sounds like you have "obsessions and compulsions." I encourage you to definitely talk to a therapist about this problem. I can tell, understandably, it is affecting your life negatively.

[wearemadeoflove]

Originally Posted by We_do_recover

for years, during recovery from addiction, i have gone through cycles of bizarre and obsessive thinking. i've been clean off drugs and alcohol for a little over 7 years, now. i suffer form depression and i am on medication for it. while i am on meds, these symptoms are less frequent, but not completely gone. it seems to cycle 2 or 3 times a year, with some symptoms coming and going, but others are fairly constant, even outside of those cycle periods

i'm in the middle of one of these periods at the moment and this is a typical day for me:

i wake up, and almost immediately random music starts playing in my head. not something i've heard on the radio, recently, not something that i've heard somewhere, but something that i know. and then the intrusive thoughts begin. thoughts about drugs, violence and sex are the most common. they are not "nice" or "pleasant" thoughts, they are truly disturbing and intrusive. and they get stuck in my head. sounds, phrases and images that i encounter will randomly lodge themselves in my conscious thought stream and i cannot get them to go away. inevitably, i begin to obsess about obsessing. sometimes, i can't focus on tasks and i am easily distracted. the music plays non-stop, unless i play music on my computer. even then, it sometimes doesn't stop playing in my head, so there are 2 different tracks playing if my computer is on. oh, and bread has to be buttered on a certain side and i always start ascending or descending stairs with my right foot. it's not the end of the world if i don't, but i really really prefer it that way… oh, and whenever i am stressed out, anxious, nervous, tired or depressed i twist and pull my hair at the back of my head. i don't pull it out, i just sit and twist it round and round and tug at it

it sounds really weird to me, even as i am writing this and i sometimes can't believe that this stuff is going on in my head. i know i need to go and speak to my old therapist about this, because it is not something that i ever brought up with him before (not sure why…)

can anyone who has been diagnosed with OCD relate?

i have ocd. i have had it all my life but just recently met a therapist who recognized the symptoms right away. you definitely should mention these thoughts your are having to your therapist, he/she will be able to help you.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Yeh, I relate. I have things like that going on in my head on a regular day-to-day basis, and have done since I was in my early teens, if not before then; I'm 26, now.

You do need to get help, otherwise it will keep getting worse, and you will continue to find it harder to cope with, so get yourself some help ASAP. Sure, it's weird, but so what? As you've probably heard before, doctors get told so much crazy stuff that to them it's the norm; they understand. I would definitely say that you're ticking all the boxes for OCD, because, since I'm no doctor, my word isn't fact, but I do have more than enough experience in that field, so take from that as you will, but please do get some help for this.

Also, trust me, you are not alone.

I see I'm the only poster on this thread so far with OCD, so maybe if it helps, check out this thread of mine that I have so far managed to keep updated, and you'll see just how not alone you are:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=264448

Intrusive thoughts take center stage with me, so I relate to that, without a doubt. I think the most comforting thing for you, is what was for me amazing, and that's to know that you're not alone, and I cannot stress this enough! I went my whole life (thus far :P) unrecognised and untreated with this crap, and it was like some horrible dark evil sinful secret and I felt like I was the only one with this, either that or I was evil and horrible and blah blah blah... turns out it's unfortunately common.

Hope I helped in some way, and I feel your pain, trust me! But you need to get yourself to someone and talk about this with them.. a professional. For me, it helped to talk to friends and family about it, piece by piece, over the years, but that takes too long.. :P ..so if you can make that push to see a quack, then it'll be worth it.

BTW, you may want to call a technician to sort that brain stereo of yours, as it sounds broken! Actually, what song is it that plays? Can you recall a particular event in which you heard that song? I wouldn't be overly surprised if that song is stuck in your head for a reason.

Sorry that I didn't spot and reply to this sooner - as you can see, I have 360 posts (or however much it'll be when you read it) and that's over 3 years. >.> I'm usually eager to chat but the stuff on this site is difficult for me, and I get very paranoid and conscious about it being on the site, for the public to see.. it's bad enough that I know some people that know I'm on this site.. so I kinda worry what people think.

Anywho! Send me a message if you like! PM thingy. I'm all eyes, as long as you know I don't use this site daily or anything, but I will reply whenever I'm on, if I can.

Now to send you some hugs, and thanks, because you've helped me feel that little bit less alone. :P