[RuralOwlUK]

I have a dilemma and I don't know how best to solve it. Advice would be greatly appreciated.

I have OCD, which centres around fear of contamination and illness.

My sister was ill yesterday, but I am not sure with what. She has now informed me that her and her family are coming over to my house tomorrow. I am getting lots of intrusive thoughts and my anxiety is through the roof worrying about it. While my treatment is going well, with real improvements showing, my therapist and I have not yet reached the stage of treating triggers that produce this level of anxiety.

My sister knows I have OCD, but she has never once asked me about it, and we have never actually spoken about it, so I can safely assume she has no real understanding of how bad it is, or what 'sets me off'. (In my experience most people treat OCD as if it was almost a joke).

What should I do? Lie and tell her that I am away for the weekend so don't bother coming over, and then feel huge guild and have the fear of being 'punished' hang over me, or tell her the truth and hope that she understands and chooses not to come. (For me the worst thing that could happen would be that I tell her the truth and she is offended, or that she decides that as she feels better now, there is no need to worry and she will come over anyway, which will mean I can't get out of it, and I will have to suffer the massive anxiety which will happen however healthy she now feels).

I feel so guilty, but am trying not to beat myself up over it, (which I have a propensity to do).

Any advice greatly appreciated.

[RuralOwlUK]

All advice appreciated.

[Meonly76]

I would call her tell her that although you haven't discussed it with her, a major part of your ocd revolves around germs and contamination, and that even if she is feeling better, for your own peace of mind you would like to rain check the visit. And be clear that that is final, don't put yourself in that position without having covered dealing with these situations with your therapist. If she doesn't understand or thinks you are out of order, or is offended in anyway, thats on her, not you. you have to look after you in these situations, not worry about a minor offense to your sister. And id love to hope she would understand, and that this would maybe open the door to you being able to discuss your ocd with her, I don't know her so I'm agai only hoping that once she realises how badly the ocd can effect, that she would be supportive, but if shes not, its ok, just don't let yourself be pushed into a distressing situation when you aren't fully equipt to handle it. I have only recently been diagnosed with ocd, and not started therapy yet, and mine revolves around control rather than germs etc, but i have offered my opinion anyways, and im hoping whatever you chose to do about the situation, you continue to find therapy a help.

[RuralOwlUK]

Bless you for your response Meonly! I can really see the reason in what you have written and in my heart I know that I should take that sort of approach. I'm going to give it some further thought, and find the best way to tell her. I will discuss this with my therapist at our next meeting.

Thank you for responding.

I hope that you too get on well with therapy and overcome your OCD.

Just a thought...
It doesn't seem to me that you really even necessarily need to approach it in terms of the OCD (this is probably my biggest OCD issue too, btw). Many people without OCD don't really want people who are currently or very recently sick to come for a visit either(!) You mention that you don't know what kind of illness she was experiencing. Does she? What I'm thinking is, what if it was something totally not communicable, like, say, lady cramps? One might simply say they weren't feeling well, and not get specific with something like that. If it wasn't something of that nature, perhaps you could simply say that you'd feel better if she waited to visit till she's sure she's totally well again. To me, that's simply a matter of courtesy.
Good luck!