[darren_0330]

So... I don't know how to start this. To say that I have disorganized thinking would be a ginormous understatement. It's like there's a constant white noise hanging above my head, obstructing any coherent and logical thought that passes through my mind. I have been diagnosed with Pure O Ocd last October 2012 and I braved the symptoms until now (with the help of Lexapro -miracle drug) I've since been off Lexapro cause my doc switched me to Olanzapine last January 20. It didn't have any effect whatsoever, be it positive or negative. I stopped it cold turkey 2 weeks ago. At first, I didn't feel any withdrawal symptoms. It amplified my SAD while I was on it (which I researched and found out that it was a paradoxical effect from the said medication) and I got through that with giving myself a pep talk and thinking logically however hard it may be. For the past 3 days, I'm riding through severe anxiety about one specific facet of my life: my wit and intelligence. It started when, out of sheer curiosity and a bit of insecurity, I googled 'Can antipsychotics make you stupid?'. The results were, needless to say, affirmative. I've read things from brain shrinkage to slowing down your cognitive process to all kinds of symptoms I worry about being developed on myself. Then another grave mistake of mine was digging up past convos of me and my buddies on Skype and being reminded of how I was (not to brag) the sassy troll, the occasional deadpan snarker. Words, sarcasm and wit came naturally to me. Now it kills me that I have to think hard to squeeze out something out of my brain. I pondered about this and theorized something: "Maybe it's just my OCD tricking me into believing I'm turning into a simpleton and I'm just too apprehensive and scared to try and see if I'm really indeed turning dumb." This has caused too much distress and I don't know what to do. Being witty and rational are the only things I pride myself in and I don't want those to diminish gradually. Every single mistake I make about spelling, every second I miss when trying to come up with a great remark makes me beat myself up and tell myself I indeed turned dumb. My confidence is low as it is. English is not my first language but I learned to be proficient at it and now I fear I'm losing my grasp on that. I intend to be a writer, before the clutter in my mind and antipsychotic I was doing fine, and now I worry that might never come true. I also worry about not having my above average cognitive functioning in my arsenal and it kills me to know that. Right now I'm frustrated with myself since I feel so slow witted. Do you think this is caused by me stopping my med abruptly? is this still OCD or have I really damaged my brain beyond repair? I need help cause I can't go on with this. I just can't.I'm getting terribly depressed by this.

[optimize990h]

Hi darren_0330, can you ask your doc these questions? This doc is the one who prescribed them? Otherwise, you can refer to the resources for OCD forum and research the leads there. You can check the social groups that might have some info there to answer your questions.

And of course, some PC members may be able to answer your queries.

Take care.