[pm13zwos]

I'm not exactly sure why this obsessive behavior started, or why it continues, but I can tell you this much. Since around November 2012, I have become obsessed with recording conversations I have with people. Prior to this, I started to feel like I wasn't remembering enough from my conversations with people. This feeling started around Summer of 2011, but didn't intensify until the following Summer. In Summer 2012, and thereafter, and for no rhyme or reason, I started to become obsessed with remembering conversations, and if I couldn't remember even the most minute details of a conversation, I would literally go the rest of the day trying to remember. Anyway, I eventually realized that the webcam on my computer could record conversations and I started using this feature quite often. Since then, I have even bought a digital voice recorder to record conversations, and take every possible measure to record practically every single second of the conversations I have with my family. For a while, I recorded some conversations with friends too, but after one of my friends noticed the behavior and asked me not to record our conversations anymore, I realized the behavior was abnormal and stopped recording my conversations with him. However, I still could not stop recording conversations with family. Like I said, I started around November 2012 recording, and the behavior has become more than a habit... it's now a full-blown addiction, to the point where I am petrified to hold a conversation with a family member without recording what they say. At times when I don't have a recorder at my disposal, I attempt to write down my conversations on paper or on a Word document. That is the gist of the background, and here are a few of the things that really worry me:
(1) I drive myself crazy trying to hear every word people say, to the point where I can't stand it if two people in my house have a conversation where I am close enough to hear them mumbling, but not close enough to make out clearly what they are saying. I follow people around trying to ask them what they were talking about, even if it is clearly NONE of my business. I recognize that this is insane behavior, and I drive my family crazy doing it.
(2) Recently, my family has discovered that I've been recording them, and they are obviously not happy with it and want me to stop. I tried to stop recording, but that only lasted for a couple of days and in that time, I still tried to write down everything my family said, before I relapsed and went back to recording mode.
(3) In MOST cases, I truly don't care about what anyone is saying, yet need to hear every word they say. I truly cannot rationalize this. It's one thing to want to remember memorable conversations, but trying to remember conversations that don't matter to me just doesn't make sense, and it drives me crazy.
(4) I find myself unable to do practically anything productive when other people are in the same room as me. Instead of focusing on things I enjoy, like watching TV and movies and writing, I am instead trying to hear everything people say, and REMEMBER every word they say. I feel I can't do this without a recording device or a piece of paper.

Please, somebody help me to make sense of this. Any tips you may have to stop this behavior would be greatly appreciated. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask me. Thanks in advance for whatever help any of you can be.

[lynn P.]

Welcome to PC pm13zwos - have you been diagnosed with OCD and are you in treatment? If not you should get some help. OCD impulses can take on many forms/symptoms and its impossible to rationalize illogical behavior. Its not that the sufferer is weak or lacking self control.....you just need some help. Can you think of anything that triggered this in Nov 2012? Did you explain to your family why you do this?

[pm13zwos]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

Welcome to PC pm13zwos - have you been diagnosed with OCD and are you in treatment? If not you should get some help. OCD impulses can take on many forms/symptoms and its impossible to rationalize illogical behavior. Its not that the sufferer is weak or lacking self control.....you just need some help. Can you think of anything that triggered this in Nov 2012? Did you explain to your family why you do this?

I cannot explain it the reason why I do it to my family, because I can't even explain it to myself. My grandpa passed away in October, so I guess that's a possibility, but I'm not sure why exactly that would trigger it. I have not been diagnosed and never sought help, but I'm considering it. Do you think there is a chance to stop doing it without seeking help? Thanks for your input!

[ocdwifeofsociopath]

You could possibly be coping from your grandpas death. You have my sympathies. It would not hurt to talk this out to someone in person. If you feel you can not gain control over this behavior then at that point you should seriously consider professional help. (But I would first let your family know the recordings are not for dishonest purposes and you are confused and concerned by your behavior.)

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by pm13zwos

I cannot explain it the reason why I do it to my family, because I can't even explain it to myself. My grandpa passed away in October, so I guess that's a possibility, but I'm not sure why exactly that would trigger it. I have not been diagnosed and never sought help, but I'm considering it. Do you think there is a chance to stop doing it without seeking help? Thanks for your input!

I think many normal people have experienced little OCD moments.....like when we doubt if locked the door or turned of the iron. Have you had any other obsessive experiences? If you can't handle this on your own then you should get professional help. Sorry to hear you Grandpa passed away - stress can trigger things sometimes.

When you start to have the urges - I'm sure you go through a mental battle with yourself - like "should I do it but I don't want to." You doing the ritual helps calm you ...yet you struggle with it. I hope it gets better for you and know you're not alone with this struggle.

[pm13zwos]

Thank you, guys, for all your helpful advice. Thanks for your sympathies regarding my grandpa, that means a lot! I suppose that can be triggering it, but I'm still not clear on why. Also, I should clarify that I did explain to my family the reason why I'm recording them, so that they know that I'm not recording for malicious purposes. So they know about the struggle, and they are trying to help me figure it out, but I probably need to talk to someone soon to try to figure out exactly what is going on and how to deal with it. Have any of you ever known someone with this problem, or is it fairly unique?

[Sayu]

I'm afraid I can't help you with this but I can at least tell you that you're not alone with this - I have a similar problem: whenever I'm talking to someone and I don't hear what they're saying clearly (even if I'm 99% sure I heard what they said), I must ask them to say it once more, just to be sure I heard them right.

[xxhanna]

These disorders never make sense, hence they are disorders.. It's because you dont do this stuff because you want to, you do it because you try to cope with something else.. like people who lose someone in their life try to get control over it again by cleaning up 100 times a day.. it's not your fault that you do this.
How do you feel if you try to stop doing it?
You can try to just lets say stop it for one hour and the next week for two, etc.
But i think there's a bigger problem behind it, try to work it out with a therpaist.