more confusion, just want someone to help?

I swear ocd chooses what it wants to remember and makes me forget good things! Anyone else have this problem? It makes me remember everything I've ever done that's slightly inclined towards homosexuality and 'conveniently forgets' my endless feelings for boys and crying over them and celebrity crushes and everything and ughhh

Also, i read somewhere that 'most lesbians start out physically attracted to girls, and then it develops'

What does physically attracted mean?

I've always been able to admire girls for their beauty but never in a sexual way, but was that 'physical attraction'? Hmm

It's so stressful and sometimes I just feel like it's true and I hate it

I'm scared that I'll be 'cured' from 'ocd' and think I'm not gay/bi, but then it'll come back and I'll know that I only repressed it this is so scary I almost don't want to get better in case it happens.

So sad, feel as if I'm carrying the weight of the world

Hi- First of all- breathe! You're ok. You are not carrying the weight of the world.
From what I know- I would have to say you are not bi/lesbian. So don't worry about it. Don't overthink it either. Message me if you need to talk.