I'm stuck.

I need to understand everything. I need to understand why things are the way they are. I need to categorize everything. I need answers. I can't stand the never-ending uncertainty. I'm sitting here pondering how I got to this point in life, why certain things have happened to me and why things turned out the way they turned out. I don't understand why I've always felt the way I've felt and it makes me anxious. Why have I always felt so frustrated? Why can't I figure out why I've always felt so different? What am I missing? How can I solve this puzzle?

These thoughts might be intrusive thoughts. They might be caused by my OCD. I don't know but they sure are obsessive and anxiety provoking (at times the thoughts are so overwhelming and they make me so anxious I can barely function). My psychologist tells me I will never be able to get answers to these questions but I find that very difficult to accept. I can't really make the anxiety go away so instead I sit here and go through memories over and over again in order to figure things out. I'm feeling agitated. I'm stuck.

I do the same thing. I hate it. I am so different and it causes so much problems. It's awful.