[Selost]

I have been seeing T for the past few months (panic attacks, social anxiety, and depression) and even though my responses to personality inventories, etc. have lead him to question my checking habits and behaviors around repeating things, doing/touching things a certain number of times (special numbers), I always manage to brush it off and act like it's not as time-consuming or exhausting/anxiety-provoking as it is. For example, T asks "So how excessive would you say the checking was in that situation? 5-10 times? More?" I might respond something like, "I don't really remember; it probably wasn't that big of a deal. Can we just forget I said anything?" I get the sense he knows I'm lying and minimizing, but he hasn't really pushed it, and I'm not sure it would help even if he did. Anyway, the need to do all of this stuff has been REALLY strong lately, and I've sort of just been giving in and doing all the normal counting, checking, etc., even though I STILL feel really anxious afterwards, and I think maybe I should try telling him. Even just thinking about it makes me super jittery though.

Does anyone have any advice as to how to initiate this conversation with T? I know he's not going to judge, so I'm not sure why I'm so afraid. Spring break is coming up, so I thought about writing T a letter and giving it to him after break...but at the same time, I know that if I give him something written, we will have to talk about every single bit of it...

[kaliope]

if you really want to move past this, being honest with t is the best way to do it. writing a letter to t is the best way to get over the hurdle of being afraid to approach it. if your worried about having to talk about every detail of the letter, don't write a detailed letter. just write something like "I have been counting excessively and I don't know how to talk about it. im afraid of your response." that will be the ice breaker you need to talk about it in therapy. take care.