It's a short story by Stephen King.

It's hard to relate the feeling and idea of the story.
Essentially it is about a traveling salesman. He feels he is pretty much at a dead end. Over the years he has taken to noting bits of graffiti- scrawls on bathroom walls, in alleys, bars, on the desk of a Motel 6, in a chinese menu stuffed in the seat of a rental car.

He started writing them in a notebook, at first with no real reason- he just felt compelled to do so. Eventually he started to think maybe there was a reason he was seeing them. There was some connection between them.

Stephen King sprinkles some of the more notable ones the man has come across throughout the short story. The one most salient is "All that you love will be carried away."

Why on God's Green Earth am i posting this crap in the OCD board?

Because it's sometimes a theme in the whole OCD scape of my mind.

ALL THAT YOU LOVE. WILL BE CARRIED AWAY.

The people I love will die.
I have basically reconciled, finally and in a way that actually makes sense, with the person I am pretty damn sure I'm supposed to be with.

I was suddenly struck last night with the certainty that we don't have much time left. I was simultaneously struck with an assurance that I am a damn drama queen and need to just get over it.

My best friend is [was] being induce today- she has been a little long pregnant with her first child- As the day went on I began fearing she was going to have massive complications and die.

I pushed it away, pushed it off, covered up the fear.
But now everyone else in my house is asleep. I don't want to call them because... it's giving into the OCD stupid that i KNOW is OCD STUPID.

I've been pretty good with the OCD.

But now I'm getting freaked out about my own health too.
To be clear? This isn't hypochondria.

This is weird fear of death-themed OCD that sometimes just takes over my brain. The fact that I have been having a lot of health complications [I don't really talk about like half of it, so yeah it's all way more fun than I actually let on] doesn't really help me to easily push off this random thought that everyone I care about will die, and then i will slowly die afterward- scared and alone.

I hate OCD.
HATE HATE HATE HATE.

I HATE OCD.

It's so alienating.
And no, i can't just "think about something else" or "do something else" or "find a hobby" or "go to therapy" or "use coping skills".

I do all of these things.
When I am in such great distress with the OCD, it is because all of these things are desperate failures.

I'm freaked out and feel powerless but logically know it's not so. So now it's like I am trapped in my own prison of a mind fighting with myself on a fairly regular basis.

The fact that my body decides to randomly not let me breathe and then everything in my body goes to hell like and extreme biological domino set up just makes everything worse.

I don't know where I'm going with this.

All that I love will be carried away.

[BeaFlower]

I can understand well that you hate OCD, dear. I'm sorry that you have those thoughts. Mine are different, but I think that all the forms are awful.
You won't lose the people that you love Don't know if the fact that I say it can help, but I try

[nicoleflynn]

That is why I have always said....say it now and do it now because the next second isn't promised. if we live long enough (I am 67) we lose a lot of people. All we can do is tell and show them how much we love them, so there will be no regrets.

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

That is why I have always said....say it now and do it now because the next second isn't promised. if we live long enough (I am 67) we lose a lot of people. All we can do is tell and show them how much we love them, so there will be no regrets.

...I do.
But that doesn't get rid of the torturous thoughts?
So, there's that...

Sometimes I think I must make these things happen.
I'm kidding sort of. Maybe.

One of my oldest friends, she is a lot like me, we have a lot of similar ways of looking at the world and a lot of similar experiences with mood disorder and OCD, and have been through a lot together in terms of MI stuff...

She went from "hmm, need to run some tests" to "you have cancer and we need to schedule surgery ASAP" in a matter of a few months.

She found out a few days ago. I am very worried, but I can't really let that come through too much. Another friend who I've known nearly as long, who I am also very similar to is having a lot of problems with stability and a husband who is so unstable himself that it is basically dangerous for them to live together.

My sister is just a mess and in a foreign country, also very unstable and trying to make totally unreasonable demands. A lot of family stuff is very soon going to come to a head.

I'm worried about my health in, I'm pretty sure, a very reasonable manner. But I can't really talk to any of my very few very close friends about it, because all of their lives are kind of falling apart too.

So.
That's a good time.

[BeaFlower]

I'm sorry It always seems that difficult things have to happen all together. If you are worried for your health do some exams, so if you discover that you really have something you can take care of yourself, if not you'll have one less concern. About your family and friends, I really hope that things improve soon also for them...I understand that you are worried Hope that at least PC is useful for you. Love

Originally Posted by BeaFlower

If you are worried for your health do some exams, so if you discover that you really have something you can take care of yourself...

Well, that's the thing. I have multiple health issues, some of which have only recently come to light, some of which we've known and understood for a long time. All of them chronic. Unfortunately symptoms are worsening even still and I also forget to talk to my rheumatologist about a couple things -when something happens for so long you forget it's abnormal- but those things are so much worse that it's impossible to pretend they are normal now and suggest some pretty heavy stuff.

I appreciate the support and I'm not trying to simply convince every one else things have to suck, but some times they just kind of are what they are.

[BeaFlower]

Oh, so it's sure that there are problems I'm sorry. I'll say a prayer for you, at least I can do this...and I can send you a hug Kisses