[alab]

HI. I am 41, married with two daughters. I think I am experiencing HOCD. This all started when I began to suspect two of my 'friends' were gossiping about me being gay. Why they would think that is beyond me. However, the thoughts have amplified over the past few months and are really becoming a problem. I was diagnosed with bi polar II last year. I wonder if this could be part of it-OCD or if I am just in deep denial? I am married, have been for 12 years, to a wonderful man. We have an amazing sex life thanks especially to a hysterectomy and the cessation of anti-depressants.
I have never been attracted to women and cannot even imagine what that would be like. It seems preposterous. When I try to imagine it, I cannot think of anyone to insert into the woman's place. I can think of women I think of as pretty or sexy but I cannot imagine being sexual with them. It feels fake and wrong. SO why am I obsessing that I might be bisexual? I am consumed by these thoughts and they are really hurting me. My therapist said she could not find HOCD in the DSM 5. However, I have read plenty online and the description accurately describes what I am going through.
I am turned on by taboo situations. I have seen women together on TV and thought it was hot. However, I have never fantasized about a woman during sex. I have never had a crush on a woman...help! What is going on with me. I am sick and scared.

[Travelinglady]

Hi, alab. That is strange. Even if your therapist has never heard of it, I would hope she would have some suggestions. I don't know what to suggest, but maybe someone else here will. You might just have to keep telling yourself the thoughts are wrong and try to distract yourself. You certainly don't sound gay or bi to me.