[Lik3]

I feel like at my age, I should be growing up. The problem is, I have suffered from being stuck. I am not sure if I have grown as a person. I am almost 40 and I feel like I am stuck on 30, or younger. I have had psychological problems for as long as I could remember. It hasn't always been easier with finding distractions to having guilt about my problems. Life just seems even shorter because I have these issues. The world also seems smaller as well due to avoidance.

I have been living in a "fantasy" world for years only for the obsessive thoughts to act up. In other words, I have been spending my time obsessing over fictional characters. Fictional characters are someone else's creation. It is illogical and makes no sense. But I wonder when has an obsessive thought ever made sense? It is crazy since I have spent a countless amount of time wondering if there will be a divorce or a reconciliation. Was there even love in the marriage? Why did she cheat? I don't want to know but I feel like I have to just for the sake of having a peace of mind. Now that that is over, then what? What else am I obsessed with? Who will I be obsessed with?

Why at my age can I just fall in love and deal with a real person instead of wondering? I wonder what is wrong with me. I often wonder what has happened to me and to my life in general. How is it that I feel this way about anything? I just wish that my mind didn't contain a blueprint of even the most minute details of life. What is important becomes less of a focus in my daily life. What has become of greater importance has nothing to do with me personally. I just want to know but not in a way that is comfortable. I don't want to be "curious" like this. I just want to read something now and not think about it later. I wish I could have a day without obsessive thoughts and disturbing images. Now that is what I would call a miracle.

[Travelinglady]

Hello, Lik3! It is easier and less anxiety-producing to live in a fantasy world. Have you talked to a therapist about your situation? I really think that would be the way to handle it.