Is this normal?

It has been a couple of days since I have had a few to no obsessive thoughts. I rarely check and perform compulsion. However, it has been a while since I have had obsessive thoughts about infidelity. Since taking Abilify, I am feeling so much better. It is as if the anxiety is almost gone, yet it has been so long that I barely remember life before having obsessive thoughts about infidelity. It all started with reading a gossip story about a woman who cheated on her husband.

That day, I have spent the day checking and asking for reassurance. I felt horrible about this because I felt lonely. I spent more and more times online than I ever had due to the obsessive thoughts. I began to see a therapist and taking medication for the obsessive thoughts. Life was so rough that I was thinking about hospitalization for myself.

Nowadays, I don't have to worry about hospitalization and I barely have to worry about having to check for information though I still do so from time to time. I realize that it will take some time to not feed the obsessions. Nowadays I realize that because of the right combination of medications, I am almost free of the infidelity thoughts and compulsions.

However, I am scared that I will obsess about something else. I am also afraid of being totally free. I haven't been used to being free for so long that I am worried about my state. I find it scary that freedom is on its way and that checking and asking for reassurance feels comfortable. Freedom from these thoughts are a relief but at the same time scary. My question is, is this normal? Are my fears about being free normal?

Hello Lik3: Yes, I believe your fears are quite normal. And, realistically, from my perspective, they are perhaps at least somewhat warranted. I recall watching a YouTube video a while back. It had been uploaded by a young woman whose YouTube channel is dedicated to her struggles with mental illness. In this particular video, she talked about how she was seeming to go from one obsessive behavior to another. Upon watching the video, I wrote a comment saying that I had had a similar experience. I bit my fingernails throughout my childhood. I finally broke myself of the habit as a young adult. Then I discovered hair pulling. It has seemed to me that each time I have managed to "cure" myself of one obsessive activity, I've found another one.

But the good news is that you are conscious of this. And you want to be free of obsessive-compulsive thinking. So you can be on the lookout for other things that may crop up. Personally, my perspective is that these types of behaviors / thoughts are primarily due to unresolved anxiety. One way or another, anxiety will find a way to break through to the surface. But if one resolves the causes of the anxiety to begin with, or learns ways to manage it, then such things as obsessive-compulsive thoughts & / or behaviors have no energy to feed on & they do not develop. So whether it is through medication, therapy, exercise, or whatever (or some combination of these) it would be my perspective that obsessive-compulsive thoughts & / or behaviors, or the recurrence thereof, can be successfully managed. So no need to worry. Just be vigilant & keep up with your treatment. Good luck!