[Yismymindblank12]

It's been around since as long as I can remember, from ptsd, OCD raised it's ugly head, I know I was diagnosed with it and psychosis, but I still think it's there. Maybe, I don't really worry what others think of me, I'm obsessed that people should like me and that for me to be happy everyone has to like me. Like it's an obsessive thought process and the fear that if they don't like me they'll kill me.

It came from a real thing and rational trauma, but it's not there anymore. I think it wants me to start fights a lot and show dominance when I feel threatened. It makes me have obsessive thoughts on screaming and cussing someone out or rejecting someone in a very mean way just to feel in my head to get back at the other person. I don't do those actions, but it feels like I want to so bad. I take it out on myself, telling myself how worthless I am. If I can't let my stress out than on myself. I don't talk to people and the obsessive thoughts are much worse.

When in dating, I feel that the person has to love me or else, I'm going to ignore them run away and never talk to them again.

Is this ocd? I don't know. if I'm right on or way off.

I don't know how to approach to go in reverse of this cycle whether to progressively not care and ignoring hasn't helped. So i don't know.

[healingme4me]

Does sound like the ocd plays a role. Needing to be liked, to the level you described seems a difficult way to see life, although it's clearly happening.

What types of work throughs is your T having you use? Anything to address the resulting anger that's brewing inside?

[Yismymindblank12]

none yet. I'm just venting, she told me to let her know if I have ideas, not that she doesn't know what to do. Just letting me have the space to take charge in my own therapy like I've always had before....

The anger I don't know, it's just probably disappointing me when people aren't really my friends after many years and I feel overwhelmed to my physical appearance personality and talking just to come off as perfect. I am tired of being ignored all the time, no matter how many relationships I create the loneliness of fear people are plotting to hurt me. I don't know.