[lovelyj123]

All my life ive had obsessive thoughts that would lead to me panicking. For example when i was 8 i was convinced i was dying of cancer and id get obsessive thoughts over it. When my cousin committed suicide when i was 17 i lost my mind after that. I remember going through a really dark time . I just lost my job, my bf and i broke up at the time and my best friend of 8 yrs and i stopped talking..and all of a sudden i just started getting this horrible thought of "what if i become like my cousin and take my own life"? ( I WOULD NEVER DO IT . IN FACT DEATH IS MY BIGGEST FEAR) this thought has been off and on in my head throughout the years and its so disturbing , it makes me so sick . i would be afraid to look out my window...cook with knives..just talking about it is hard because i feel crazy. any advice or thoughts on what this could be would be great thank you all

[lovelyj123]

Oh and id just like to add that a few months back i woke up in the middle of the night probably due to anxiety or some weird rem dream awakening and i was convinced i was being possesed after that . i would fear going to sleep at night and think about it all day, i know i sound ridiculous but any help would be great

[BeaFlower]

Hi. About waking up during the night, but yours really seem obsessive thoughts to me. They must be very scary I don't want to diagnose you, but I think that for you it would be better to see a therapist. If you have OCD you can do therapy and eventually take meds, it could really help you.
Hope that you'll ask for help and get it Wish you all the best.