[Overcoming OCD]

Or falsely interpret your actions as they're happening/right after?

I have harm ocd, and it really, REALLY feels like I just tried to hurt somebody. But I know I can misinterpret my actions and remember things wrong.

I have a preoccupation with grates. I walk over them to make sure no one else will fall in, because if I don't test falling in it myself, then it's "my fault" if someone else does. I also sometimes worry that I'm trying to make other people fall in grates.

There's a HUGE grate type thing close to the outside of my building. It's not just a circular grate- it's square, and really big. I was walking towards it, when I saw someone else coming towards it. I think I had some kind of thought about her falling in it, and stepped away from it. That's the first thing I did wrong- I was willing to let her fall in but not myself? Then when I looked and saw she was walking along the edge of the grate, not on it, I remember this strange feeling of disappointment. Then (I know this sounds crazy and couldn't actually happen, but I think this is what I was trying to do in the moment.) I felt like I was tethered to her in some way, and I remember stepping away from the grate and picturing her stepping onto it to fall in.

I obviously know I don't have powers or anything like that, but I think I had a thought action fusion moment where I TRIED or WANTED my thought to kill her.

I really feel like I just tried to kill someone. Please Help?

[Ruftin]

Hello (((Overcoming OCD))). OCD can manifest in many ways, so yes you can falsely remember situations after they occur or even as they occur. By reading your post it doesn't look like you are actively attempting to hurt anyone, your mind is just giving you incorrect messages. I'm sure it's very disturbing just the same. Perhaps if you try and clear your mind immediately after an episode like this occurs, by thinking about something else, you can blur the memory. Best wishes!!!