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#1
Jan 29, 2016, 11:23 PM
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I have been worried about developing scitzophrenia or psychosis for the longest time. These worries started after I experienced a bout of depersonalization where I woke up one morning with a memory in my head and I at first thought it was real, but later thought that i might have been remembering a dream. I've replayed the memory in my head over and over for 3 years and cant figure it out. I've posted about it before, and worry daily that I am losing touch with reality because of it.
These last few days have been horrible for me, my anxiety has been through the roof and I began to obsess about the memory again, determined to figure out if it's true or not. There is no way to prove this memory one way or the other though, so my efforts are a useless compulsion. I was thinking yesterday that maybe I shouldn't have canceled therapy this week, then I could have talked about these types of things and got them off my chest. This is the disturbing part for me: it was then that I suddenly had a fleeting, random thought pop into my head that my therapy office sent me a letter asking why I cancelled therapy. I knew immediately that this never happened, but when the thought first popped into my head it sort of felt like it did. I am 100% positive it did not happen though. Now I am freaking out because I'm worrying that this could mean I'm delusional! I'm worried that I dreamed the thing about the letter and that what happened to me 3 years ago will happen again! I get a random false memory almost exactly like this one come to me from time to time.. I think it is just OCD's way of keeping the worrying about going crazy/memory distrust theme alive, since my ovreal anxiety about the event is still so high. I just don't understand why I would get a sudden random thought of receiving that letter that felt like a true memory...when it wasnt. It's made me feel totally crazy so any opinions anyone has about this are appreciated greatly!!!
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Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ("Pure O" Type), Social Anxiety Rx: Lorazepam PRN |
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#2
Jan 29, 2016, 11:26 PM
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Also if anyone would like to send me direct messages to chat about this I'd like that as well
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Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ("Pure O" Type), Social Anxiety Rx: Lorazepam PRN |
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