[defyinggravity65]

So I know I've posted about this before but I realized I do some things today that seems so absurd and selfish and want to know if it actually is or if it's just the OCD talking.

I realized that sometimes my boyfriend looks at me just to look at me. Like I'll look up and notice that he's gazing at me. And in these moments I always imagine what I look like from his perspective and that he's thinking something like "I'm so lucky" or "she's so pretty". I'm wondering if this is like narcissistic type fantasies... I also believe I have Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder and I frequently daydream about being famous, haVing the ideal romance, being in the top of my career field, etc and now I'm wondering if that's all just selfish.
2nd thing I do is that I have a problem with compulsive lying. It was so bad in high school and it's not extremely bad now but it happens once in awhile. I lie to get put of trouble and to avoid disapproval. I lie sometimes just to make a story more interesting and sometimes I lie to make myself seem better than I really am. Sometimes I think I also lie to myself and believe that I am smarter, more important, etc. than I actually am. Sometimes if I am sick I exaggerate my symptoms. I'm worried that this lying to others and to myself is kind of like the narcissist's "false self" that I've read a lot about and I really don't know what to do. I can't see a therapist now for financial reasons.
I always thought I just had really low self esteem and that my reasons for not having any friends were because I was too socially awkward, anxious, and introverted, but I also realize that I sometimes make excuses like "I'm too different from everyone else" and in away blame my not having friends on me being "better" than others. This realization is extremely scary to me and basically I feel like I'm simultaneously better AND worse than others and I know that those feelings are way wrong.
I'm 22 years old, idk if that makes a difference. But I'm starting to feel overwhelmed with selfishness and just realized (for some reason) that I'm not nearly as great or important or special as I thought I was and my OCD is going crazy about this. I also realize that this post which goes on about myself and my problems is also really selfish but I'm just wondering what someone's opinion on this is and/or ways to overcome these feelings.

[Skeezyks]

Hello defyinggravity65: Well... the Skeezyks doesn't really have a lot to offer with regard to this. But I saw that no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would.

I'm afraid my personal opinion here is that trying to diagnose yourself is a can of worms best left unopened. And getting the personal opinions of others is another maybe even bigger can of worms. Mental health diagnosis is a job for professionals... best left to the professionals. And the reality is that even they, as often as not, can't agree. And then to make matters even more complicated, mental health diagnoses can-&-do change over time.

I know you wrote that you can't see a therapist for financial reasons. That is most unfortunate. I take it there are no mental health services available where you live that are geared toward people who lack the financial means to pay for them.

Unfortunately I don't know as I have any great suggestions to offer as far as how to overcome the feelings you're struggling with. The one thing that occurs to me is that California therapist Kati Morton, who uploads mental health related videos onto YouTube, has some workbooks available that she has developed. As I recall there is one targeted toward OCD.

If you're not familiar with Kati's YouTube videos, you might check them out, as well as possibly taking a look at her workbooks. I do know Kati has at least a couple of videos on OCD as well as many on other mental health topics. She's also on a variety of other social media besides YouTube. I'm personally very impressed by Kati's work & recommend her often.

[defyinggravity65]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello defyinggravity65: Well... the Skeezyks doesn't really have a lot to offer with regard to this. But I saw that no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would.

I'm afraid my personal opinion here is that trying to diagnose yourself is a can of worms best left unopened. And getting the personal opinions of others is another maybe even bigger can of worms. Mental health diagnosis is a job for professionals... best left to the professionals. And the reality is that even they, as often as not, can't agree. And then to make matters even more complicated, mental health diagnoses can-&-do change over time.

I know you wrote that you can't see a therapist for financial reasons. That is most unfortunate. I take it there are no mental health services available where you live that are geared toward people who lack the financial means to pay for them.

Unfortunately I don't know as I have any great suggestions to offer as far as how to overcome the feelings you're struggling with. The one thing that occurs to me is that California therapist Kati Morton, who uploads mental health related videos onto YouTube, has some workbooks available that she has developed. As I recall there is one targeted toward OCD.

If you're not familiar with Kati's YouTube videos, you might check them out, as well as possibly taking a look at her workbooks. I do know Kati has at least a couple of videos on OCD as well as many on other mental health topics. She's also on a variety of other social media besides YouTube. I'm personally very impressed by Kati's work & recommend her often.

Thanks for that