[minus1]

I take a lot of time to decide whether to do anything. It could be as simple as choosing a sitting position it would take a lot of thought and I will not be completely pleased with any result.
There are days where it gets worse, I freeze and not do anything because I don't exactly know what is right. It is like being controlled.

There are other thoughts that happen is when I go to sleep, my mind suddenly nudges itself with thoughts like "you will never sleep" "you must sleep this way" "you can't sleep that way" which makes it very hard for me to sleep.

I also have really, really, annoying thoughts of doing harm to other people which sucks. I also have thoughts were I think I'm going to lose control and jump outta my window, or something vivid like going to the kitchen and grabbing a knife and stabbing myself, for some reason its really difficult to avoid doing these thoughts. When I'm having these kind of thoughts I just brace myself and avoid moving at all so I don't do anything.

The doctor prescribed me with xanax alprazolam 0.25 mg for when I can't sleep, they help me sleep, but the next day I'll be forgetting the name for things and have trouble writing. (I'm still on them atm)

[Skeezyks]

Hello minus1: I recall reading your introductory post. From what you've written, both there & here, it sounds as though you are & for a long time have been struggling with a rather large boat full of anxiety. This is something I've struggled with for many years as well. I've also had those same annoying thoughts you mention in this post. I have also pretty-much always felt an almost overwhelming urge to jump whenever I've been in a high place such as a tall building or a cliff edge. Plus I've also always struggled with agoraphobia & glossophobia (fear of public speaking).

I don't know what the remedy for all of this is. In my case I mostly just toughed it out until now I pretty-much just keep to myself. That works for me though because I'm an older person now. In your case, perhaps you may want to consider seeing a therapist or possibly trying some additional anxiety-controlling medication. I know how difficult it can be to live with this kind of anxiety. I wish you well...

[Leyla]

hi there
i agree with skeezyks you might need some meds to help balance you out. i had OCD when i was younger, its still there but not as bad. Back than the Zoloft helped for me.

so your not alone in your thoughts. some of get those thoughts from time to time.

take care

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by minus1

There are days where it gets worse, I freeze and not do anything because I don't exactly know what is right. It is like being controlled.

That seeming "control" is actually just my being cautious, so the challenge is to learn what to cautiously do when we do not know exactly what is actually right or best or whatever. Also, there is nothing wrong with being cautious today where yesterday I might not have had any need for that same caution. Overall, I have had to learn to distinguish cautions from warning signs and warning signs from stop signs:

Cautions typically mean to simply be careful while continuing on;
Warning signs add the element of avoiding specific dangers;
Stop signs simply give us a little time to look and listen before proceeding.

Originally Posted by minus1

It could be as simple as choosing a sitting position -- it would take a lot of thought and I will not be completely pleased with any result.

Learning to accept responsibility for our choices while also learning to be content (at least for the moment) even when some of our choices are not the greatest is part of learning to live life on life's terms without being frozen-in-place over every decision. Those of us with OCD tendencies can find that very difficult at times, but that does not mean we must give up on the idea of trying a few more chairs while searching for the one that seems perfect.