Almost out from retroactive jealousy but there is one more thing

Hi happy new year, RJ hit me like a train after I had "the talk" with my girlfriend about past relationship (she only got one relationship during 6 month at highschool, not a big deal you may say but you know what it is).

After 2 month of struggling with that condition i started to read 2 book about RJ and they helped me a lot (Retroactive Jealousy: Finally, I'm Out by Joshua Fletcher; Overcoming retraoctive jealousy by Zachary Stockill)
After 5 month of works I think I'm almost out from that s**t but something keeps me in it even if I'm much more better than some month ago.

My girlfriend lose her virginity with her "first boyfriend" even if it was to do like everybody an I understand it at 20 years old you want to experience sex. After all the works I have done like mindfulness, re-adjusting thoughts, obeserving the thoughts for what they really are forgiveness for her and myself etc... I can now observe the thoughts (if I have some) and feel nothing. But the last thing which keep me in is that she gave her virginity to her ex and without speaking about intrusive thoughts or something else I now that THIS HAPPENED and that's what is keeping me in.

Does any one have any suggestions ? How to get over that and finally beat that retroactive jealousy.

Sorry for my bad english Wish you the best

Hello JCVD, RJ is a tough feeling to have. I'm sorry you are experiencing it. I struggled with RJ very much when I was young. What is RJ really about? It is about our own feelings of inadequacy, I believe. What do you think?

It sounds like RJ is not only based off of feelings of inadequacy of one's self, like Laura Beth pointed out, but also has notes of wanting control over others in it. I could be wrong, but it sounds to me like it does. I feel that she did absolutely nothing wrong, nor did you, and you should definitely seek out a therapist or the like to work this out.

Good luck!

Thank for your reply,
I think when we are experiencing RJ the harder thing to do to get out of this is to forgive ourselve ( For me, it's about forgiving myself that I came 6 month too late as a result she wouldn't knew this guy before )

Good luck to everyone having hard time with this.

You cannot change the past. In fact, perhaps the past happened just as it should happen. Maybe. I wish you the best with this.