[Zosimas]

I'm an atheist. A few years ago I was looking something up in the Bible and I started getting increasingly curious about it, researching more and more topics. I have no background in this area, I'm doing research on my own with Google - right now I have hundreds, maybe over a thousand of bookmarks in my browser. The problem is I can never conclude a research in a certain topic - it's always more data and more uncertainty.

There are dozens of such problems that are 'actual' and if I remember one of them, I can't get it out of my head. I'm stuck thinking about it for days, sometimes just lying down and thinking it over, sometimes researching the web. Sometimes it makes me feel sick because I know I wont progress in the research or it will cost me a lot of time and energy, then I refrain from using my PC. When I'm preoccupied with a biblical problem, I can't focus on any other activities.

Sometimes it feels like I'm seeking reassurance that Bible isn't inerrant, but I can never reach it. I also have a history of thinking extensively about religious themes outside of biblical framework - abstract thought experiments like a construction of a god, ethics, nihilism, etc. I also have trouble making all kinds of decisions.

I've been seeing doctors but the diagnosis isn't clear and varies between OCD and OCPD. I read about OCD and I'm not sure if it fits me. I'm curious if anyone had similar experience, perhaps in a different area than Bible?

[librarybelle]

Potential Trigger: Bible + OCD experience (not sure if this might trigger someone else or not, but I know it could have triggered me once upon a time.)

Hi!

I can't tell you if you have OCD or OCPD, but I can tell you that I've had this experience in the same area as you.

I've been diagnosed OCD for almost 10 years now, so I've gotten better at coping, but I absolutely remember having debilitating experiences very similar to yours. I am not an atheist, but I also don't believe in the

Possible trigger:

interpretation and ideas in relation to the Bible that I got stuck on. So it was basically, "I know I don't believe this, BUT I had to keep looking."

I too avoided my laptop, made myself sick, etc. It's incredibly exhausting.

However, through therapy/meds it was something I was able to learn to control, so please don't give up! You aren't alone.