[DontFearTheReaper]

Out of nowhere for no reason i felt kind of indifferent towards my s.o. i felt maybe its ROCD or idk. I tested my feeling by kissing him to check if there was a feeling or not. I have done that before before yje indifference started, i got very anxious when i questioned it before because i thought " oh no i dont feel a rush or anything does that mean i dont love him? Maybe its the way he kisses me?" But that first time qas in December. And that insifference and 2nd time testing happened this past weekend. The thought od not loving him makes me cry. I get everyone has their doubts. But if i jave a small doubt i automatically feel guilty as heck. Like im the worst person ever. Amd that he will dump me or something. Or he wont accept me and will break up with me. In fact him and my friend were playing fortnite last night amd he said how she was funny. And the thought vrosses my mind " what if they start liking one another or what if they hang out with eachother without me?" And that thought made me worry and i cried. And ive been googling. And thinking i feel indifferent it must mean i don't love him anymore. But the thought of breaking up with him and telling him i dont love him makes me cry. I dont know what this is.

[Wildflower06]

If you really wanted to leave him and separate you wouldn’t be worried about doing so and it wouldn’t make you as destrort as it seems to be from what you have written. Having what if thoughts usually indicates ocd but obviously only a professional can say for sure!! “What ifs” almost never happen and in my experience have never happened!!!! Not one of my ocd thoughts have ever been real or happened and the more you fixate on this the more it will take over your life - ocd is the doubting disease and makes you doubt even the simplest things!! And even if this wasn’t ocd you wouldn’t be a terrible person for having thoughts - they are just thoughts.
If you don’t want to leave him and you are happy with him then it is probably ocd and you should go and see a doctor because ocd starts off as one thing and spirals into another most of the time - it’s a horrible thing which makes you not trust yourself and you should.
I hope this helps.