[-Astral-]

Am having thoughts that are really distrubing been watching some tv with my husband when one of the people breaks the neck of another person even before that i was thinking this way but now i cant get it out of my head
its 2.30 AM and am too scared to sleep next to my husband or do anything like hug or hold him been lying with my back to him for most of tonight scared ill break his neck kill him i dont want to but i keep thinking am going to
i feel very triggered and upset by these thoughts i cant keep laying there with my back to him he thinks am in a mood with him am not am just scared i'll hurt or kill him
am evil thinking these thoughts why would i want to do something like this i think am ****ed up in the head really ****ed up

[Caelix3]

If he knows about your OCD.

Tell him how you're feeling and that you aren't mad at him but scared you will hurt him.

Because of the intrusive thoughts / images. That you can't control.

[-Astral-]

he knows i told him he told not to think about it and that am not that kind of person who would do something like that and he says am not strong enough to do it
sometimes i also day dream as well unsure why am i sick or something ?

[Caelix3]

Originally Posted by -Astral-

he knows i told him he told not to think about it and that am not that kind of person who would do something like that and he says am not strong enough to do it
sometimes i also day dream as well unsure why am i sick or something ?

You aren't sick or evil.

You just need to try and find coping methods to help you.

So even if the thoughts / images / daydreams are there, you won't get too stressed out about it.

[-Astral-]

i dont have many coping methods i kinda find it hard to remember them unsure why
i need to try and remember them

[Caelix3]

Originally Posted by -Astral-

i dont have many coping methods i kinda find it hard to remember them unsure why
i need to try and remember them

I'm the same way. I have trouble remembering them when I need them.

Try to have a little makeup bag full of stuff to use for coping. Carry it around with you wherever you go.

Make a list on your phone of coping methods.

Put a sticky note on the makeup bag of what is inside and what it is for.

Maybe even have your husband remind you. To use coping methods.

[-Astral-]

there was a time where i think about hurting other people my husband has to come with me where ever i go most of the time because of my mental health
he says it because i can be a danger to myself mostly
i like the idea of the make up bag ( i dont wear make up much any more ( am transgender male ) but i think it may have a use for a bag i bough witch has unicorns on it ( i like things with unicorn ( yes am weird )

[-Astral-]

getting more thoughts of this thoughts of breaking my cats neck thoughts of hurting others dont want to leave the house really but my cats are here and i dont want me to hurt them

[Wild Coyote]

Please contact your pdoc or go to the ER.

Having ongoing thoughts of possibly harming others is a red flag.

Please let us know how you are doing?

Take care of yourself, Astral.


WC

[-Astral-]

my dr knows that in the past i have felt like this before they dont think am a threat to anyone
its still there but am more worried about other stuff at the moment dealing with my dissociation right now