[Rachel Nguyen]

I don't know why but I keep on having memories of having *** with my little brother . I used to do bad things when I was little, but I guess I didn't know any better and have changed since then.

Possible trigger:

One time, I tried to rub my private parts on his hand while he was sleeping.

However, I don't think I did it bc I realize it was inappropriate. I don't remember clearly, but when he woke up, he was playing games and doing activities .Meanwhile, I was sitting there feeling depressed and dwelling on why I almost did that to my little brother. Now, many years has passed and I keep thinking that I had *** with my little brother. I don't know if it 's real or not, and the memories keep popping in my head. It's so distracting, and I can't focus on my school work. I feel like my future is going to crumble down if I did do this to my little brother, and that people will look at me with disgust and hatred. I don't know what to do. Should I move on from this and focus on my future or let this memory that I don't know if it's real or not tear me down? (I feel like I should punish myself if I did do this to my little brother).
What should I do?

[Skeezyks]

Hello Rachel: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! May I suggest you introduce yourself to the general membership here on PC over on our New Members Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

I'm sorry you are struggling with these difficult memories. I'm an old man now. But I have a whole boatload of difficult memories from many decades ago. So I have some idea of what you're dealing with. And I do have several thoughts on the subject.

The first thing I would say is that there is a lot of scientific research related to the workings of the human brain that is telling us our memories are not as solid or reliable as we like to imagine they are. So, while we presume that something we remember actually occurred in pretty-much the way we remember it, that's not necessarily the case. As a result, the memories you have regarding what you may have done with your little brother may or may not be accurate.

The other thing though, with regard to what you recall having done, is that you were presumably a child yourself & kids just do stuff. I don't personally believe you should judge what you did as a child based on the standards you hold yourself to as an adult. I know it can be difficult not to because I have a tendency to do the same thing. But I think it's important to try... at least to keep that concept in mind.

You asked if you should move on from this & focus on your future. YES... ABSOLUTELY!!! There is nothing to be gained by punishing yourself over this... nothing! And you don't need to tell anyone about this either. So there's no reason for anyone to look at you with disgust & hatred. I know, though, how difficult it can be to let something like this go. So, if you find you simply can't let this go... can't get past it... then the alternative is to seek the services of a mental health therapist with whom you can delve into, & hopefully resolve, the guilt & shame you are carrying.

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of how to deal with feelings of guilt & shame. Hopefully some of the information in these articles can be of some help:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-tips...ng-with-guilt/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/uneart...f-toxic-shame/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/3-powe...ver-your-life/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/overc...ith-ocd-guilt/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-do-...give-yourself/

I hope you find the time you spend here on PC to be of benefit.

[Rive1976]

I guess it depends on the age difference and if that is your real name I would change it just so no one bothers you. I was told once by a very wise therapist we shouldnt be judged for what we did as children because they cant understand repercussions like adults. I think thats 100% true.