[WishfulThinker66]

It is not like I don't realise I engage in such behaviour. In fact, I very much am aware of how ridiculous I am being, how utterly unhelpful it is, and how intrusive it has become.

The problem is that this safety behaviour has come to the point that I have become incredibly superstitious. For instance I must perform the same routine every day starting with how I brush my teeth, to the order I put on my socks and dress myself, to the order I apply cosmetics and style my hair. I even must have the climate control and music settings in my car set a certain way regardless of what is actually required. If it is necessary to change my routine for some reason (ie. my usual parking area is taken) I near fall apart with worry.

I worry that I might have done something wrong that will cause a catastrophe. If a bad or difficult day does ensue I lay the blame on myself for having done something wrong in my routine to have deserved it. And on the contrary, if a good day in fact occurs I am desperate to recall what I had done so I can repeat it.

As I have incredible anxiety about working right now you can imagine the depths to which I have fallen concerning this.

Who out there suffers in this way? Have you discovered a way to lessen its impact?

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time with this. I don't really have anything of substance to offer. But I noticed no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would. As I get older I find that routine is important to me. But of course it's nothing like you describe. Here's a link to an article, from PC's archives, on identifying & managing obsessive-compulsive behaviors:

How to Identify & Manage Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, A Psychologist's Perspective