[digdug]

I have suffered from OCD for years, to varying degrees. Lately, however, for a number of reasons, I've had a bout of pretty serious depression. I'm crawling out of it, slowly and tentatively, trying to be optimistic but cautious at the same time.

Here's the strange thing, though. When I was depressed, I found that my OCD symptoms fell away, as nothing really seemed all that important. Lately, though, I've found that my old symptoms are returning. A big thing for me is administrative stuff - I'm applying for a PhD program and several scholarships, and I get worried that I'm following every procedure properly. I'm also driving various admins at my university crazy with my constant checking of my applications (to be fair, my school is a nightmare when it comes to bureaucracy). I've also found that my checking of other things - door locks, etc. - is starting to come back as well.

The thing is, in an odd way, I can almost see this as a good thing. I'm starting to care about life again to the point that my old worries are coming back. On the other hand, it's hard to re-train myself to handle my true OCD symptoms - I can be a real train wreck if I don't control them. I feel out of pratice handling OCD, I suppose. Isn't that odd? I'm also worried that I've let something slide in my depressed state that I'm now going to have to get a handle on (some administrative issue, I mean), but I suppose that's just the OCD again.

It's strange. The return of my OCD is both a good thing and and bad one.

[Berries]

I think I can relate.
Having more than one DX, OCD & depression (for you) OCD and bipolar (for me) could be good and bad. You (we) could be screwed either way, but if you can have one and then get better only to switch back to the other…But, at least you “got better” from something. At the same time, did you really “get better” at all or just “switch” from one bad thing to another bad thing? Either way you are suffering from distress. So does it matter what symptoms you are having? Distress is distress is distress, right?
I was having a bipolar mixed episode filled with rapid cycling and supposedly psychotic symptoms. I am not having extreme moods now and the so called “psychotic symptoms” have been turned way down in volume in my brain. But my OCD is driving me nuts now. So, have I gotten better or just switched one bad thing for another?
I have nothing brilliant or insightful to say to you. I wish I did. But thought it might be comforting to us both if I tried to relate.
Sorry you had to go through the depression. And I think it is a shame you have to be so anxious now. I hope you find peace from it all someday. I hope we all do.

[digdug]

Thanks for your reply Lbien6. Don't worry about bring "brilliant and insightful"...just sharing your thoughts helps me out .

For me, I would rank the depression as "worse" than the OCD, though as you say going from one distress to another is cold comfort. I will be starting CBT training this week and hope that it will help with both, since I think in some way they stem from some similar root cause.

Good luck to you as you attempt to heal, as well.