How do you deal with this?

I am angry. A few weeks ago my y/o's best and only friend, I'll call her Lucy, allof the sudden didnt want my son around her. Lucy's big brother has been her protector by bulliying my son and callling him troublemaker. Well after a few weeks of seeing my son cry everyday after school, I wrote Lucy's mom a note and asked her what was happening. She said my son has been physacally abusing Lucy. The teacher said she has'nt seen or heard of anything like that and that my son is a great boy in class. Lucy's mother also said her children have said my son is pcyhcally abusing the other kids and is disruptive in class. Again the teacher has said nothing other than some disruptions due to my son's ADHD had happened. I am very angry at these allegations. The mother got smart and worded her letter very strongly. I don't blame her if i thought someone elses kid was beating my kid at school I would be mad too. But there has been nothing from any of his teachers that says he has. I am tired of this parent telling these lies. It has me stessed to the point of wanting to knock that womans teeth out. She told me to e-mail her so I did. i dd'nt cuss or get angry. But i did tell her it will be investigated and if I found that Lucy had lied one of the kids would have to be moved from the class. I do not take these allegations lightly. They are serious and can get me, my husband and my son in trouble. Any way i just had to vent.

Could it be that this is connected to the perceptions of the other people involved?

Thunderbear, a couple things came to mind when I read your post.

1 - If your son was abusing other kids, their parents surely would be complaining too.

2 - If your son's teacher witnessed any abuse you know she would bring it to your attention right away.

This all reminds me of a movie I saw one time. This kid kept telling lies about people and tried to get them in trouble whenever she could. She was doing it because she was being abused at home. The lies were sort of a cry for help, it was the only way she could deal with it. Sorry, this probably isn't much help to you -- I don't blame you for being so mad. She's attacking your son and it's hurting his feelings.

Very wise to keep your cool at this point. Situations like this can get out of hand very easily (emotions always run high when we are dealing with our kid's lives). Maybe you should seek a third party to investigate these allegations (on the qt, of course)....good luck...yutzman..

As long as the teacher is backing your child, everything should be handled by the administrator. I would first try and resolve the issue with the parent, but if it continues I would ask to see an administrator at the school. Hope this helps!

pachyderm, to answer your question I don't know. Could be.

knothead, yeah my son's teacher is very viligent in her class. Before October of last year my son was having alot of difficulty doing his work and listening to her when she gave him a task. So she was worried something might have been happening at home so she immmedietly called a conference with me, her and the cousuler at school. So i would definatly think she would have called a conferance if she seen my son abuseing another child. I am going to the school Monday morning and talkng with the teacher just to make sure my son is'nt,and I really don't think he did, but I want to know cause if he did hit this child I would want to get him help of some kind. As far as her parents abusing her, they seem like good parents.

With due respect to the others, I would deal with the teacher and the administration *if* it comes to that point. Otherwise, I would let this go. You are not going to get into any trouble over this *unless* you go over the line in your own behavior. Don't do it!

At this point, the parent is clearly backing the other child, and you are backing yours. And the teacher is saying nothing is happening that is unrulely. It's the teacher's job to handle class management. Unless you have evidence that this teacher is incapable, then I assume s/he is.

Now is the time for you to back out of it and let the teacher do her/his job regarding the two friends. If any problem continues, contact the administrator of the school. Do not deal with this other parent again.

However, the older brother who has been bullying your son is the real problem. This bullying must be dealt with immediately. Most schools today have a no tolerance rule against bullying. Ask about it. And ask it be enforced immediately if there is one. Kids who are bullied are harmed emotionally. It needs to stop right away!

And you need to keep your cool. No "knocking out anyone's teeth!" I know you're upset. You child needs to see you use the right methods to handle a problem in order to LEARN how to handle problems in his own life. And violence only begets more violence. Isn't there enough violence in our schools today?

I'm a teacher. I've been one for over 20 years. Please use your good common sense and do what's right for your child. He needs you the most right now.

And the two friends will most likely be friends in a few weeks again -- if the adults stay out of it!

Let us know how this turns out, please. I care.

Peace!

I would'nt actually knock her teeth out that was simply a description of how angry I was. I have only had the first initial and the last one contact with the other parent and that is as far as I am going with her. I am going to talk to the teacher Monday. I know violance is'nt the answer and I don't talk like that in front of my son nor have I ever been in a fight with anyone. I am not a violent person. My son does'nt use violence he knows better. And I have'nt said anything to this other parent until this past Tuesday when I have known since February that the older brother was bullying my child. I chose to stay out of it until the brother had my 6 year old in tears and I wrote a note to the parent asking them why did they want my son kept away from their child and why their son was bullying my son and calling him a trouble maker. That is the only thing I have done. I have "kept my cool" with this situation. But I'll keep y'all posted on it.