[NinaMae]

I feel that my mother and father has narcisstic personality disorder.

My father is dissappointed in me. I am 24/f, and I do not have a great job, with a new car, a nice house, and a degree. I am still living at home trying to complete my degree. Even though he has NEVER been supportive of college, he somehow wants me to have everything without realizing the hard work and dedication it takes to get there. When I graduated from HS he wanted me out of the house and even told me that I don't have to go to college, I can just get a job and work. Well, I don't know what non degree jobs you can work that wont have you in the poorhouse. He wanted me to drop out when I was 19. He does not speak to me, even though we live in teh same house. When he does see me he calls me a sorry ***. Even though I wake up everyday and go to school and sit in boring 5 hour lectures trying to make something of myself. To him that is not good enough. He says he only shows his love for you when you have a job making a lot of money. Love is something that is earned with him

My mother is very controlling, physically and emotinally abusive. She had me sign up for goverment funds (foodstamps), she told me that I needed to get foodstamps. She would harass me and tell me why am i going through life without any kind of help. Telling me I am too stupid to realize that I should get foodstamps because I don't make a lot of me. She told me to miss school one day to go to the goverment office. She said if I didn't go she would kick my *** (she is very abusive and will raise complete hell, throw things off of my dresser, pull things out of my closet). So I went and got the foodstamps and she demanded that she get a portion of it. She only did this so she could get free money. One month when I refused to give her any of it, she started to beat me with the hairbrush and call me a *****. My mother works a full time job making good money, why does she need the little $200 of foodstamps I get???

Recently, she discovered that I failed one of my science classes. I am retaking it this summer. I am only 8 classes away from finishing my pre reqs for nursing. I told my sister to not let my mother know about this because if she tells her it causes my mother to go into one of her Nrages and she becomes abusive, verbally and physically. Well, my sister has always resented me for still living at home and trying to get a degree (she wants to go into nursing but she can't because she has a family and she can't afford to go like I can) she told my mother about it anyway. My mother told me that I should just drop out of college because I am ****ing up. And then grilled me for why I ddin't tell her. I am an adult, I don't need to tell her. I know what I have to do. I am currently retaking the class over with a better teacher and doing well. She thinks that I am making excuses for why I failed.

She says that I need to just quit school and work at a restaurant, bank, etc and worry about school later in life. She thinks that I am using her for a better life. We got into an argumetn about this and she got some water and threw it in my face, all over my bedsheets, knocked everything off of my dresser. She is very childish and does this when she wants to control me. She tells me that I am not all of that pretty, and I am no better than nobody else.

In the family I am made out to be the black sheep. i am treated like an object/incompetent child. My sister helps with this as well. My mail goes to my sisters house, she opens it and then gives it to my mother who reads it and makes decisions. I am the last to know about my mail. Sometimes my mother even keeps it and then gives it to me and tell me "oh yeah, you got this letter about such and such". When my paychecks go to my sister's house she would tell my mother how much I made. I used to tell my sister to stop doign this but she refuses. She even gave my mother my student refudn check knowing how they like to controll my money and the stress is caused me. My father, and my mother were fighting over my check, I was holding my purse as my father was trying to pull the purse out of my hands because he wanted to know how much was in there.

I don't feel like a real person, I feel like an object, someone who is not respected. I cry a lot and I really really resent my father. I don't know why I was born into such a horrible family and situation. I don't know how I ended up being at home so long. It was supposed to be temporary but the longer I stayed the deeper and deeper I got into a rut. I cannot get out. I am trying to stay home until I get into nursign school. I am trying but it is so hard. Sometimes I think all of this is not even worth it for a piece of paper. Is being a nurse worth all of this sacrifice??? please help me

[Elysium]

NinaMae....

I did my pre-reqs for Nursing School while living at home, and my family was abusive as well. I decided to move out. I worked full-time while going through the Nursing program. It was hard work working 36 hours a week at work and then going to school full-time, but I made it.

I don't want to discourage you from going to Nursing school, but the environment that you are living in is so toxic for you even now...I truly don't know if you will be able to handle Nursing school where you are living. It's just that stressful.

Is Nursing worth working full-time to support yourself so you can be in a better and healthier environment and going through all that stress to get through school....HELL YES!! Unless of course you do want to drop out and go work at McDonalds....then you can stay at home and never get out!!

There are things you can do to help yourself. First off...I would highly suggest getting a P.O. Box for your mail. Once you start applying to Nursing school, they will be sending you time sensitive information/material and you won't be able to afford your parents keeping it from you. Next, I suggest moving out. Even if you have to rent a small room out of someone elses house...just get out!!! You deserve sooooo much better and your family is just holding you back right now and hurting you.

So the question really isn't is Nursing worth it. The question is, are you worth it?

I think you should give yourself the benefit of the doubt on that one and get out and dodge. You'll be happier all the way around.

Sorry to be so upfront about it, but I'm here to support you and if you ever want to talk, you can PM me.

Take care!!

[NinaMae]

Originally Posted by Elysium3006

NinaMae....

I did my pre-reqs for Nursing School while living at home, and my family was abusive as well. I decided to move out. I worked full-time while going through the Nursing program. It was hard work working 36 hours a week at work and then going to school full-time, but I made it.

I don't want to discourage you from going to Nursing school, but the environment that you are living in is so toxic for you even now...I truly don't know if you will be able to handle Nursing school where you are living. It's just that stressful.

Is Nursing worth working full-time to support yourself so you can be in a better and healthier environment and going through all that stress to get through school....HELL YES!! Unless of course you do want to drop out and go work at McDonalds....then you can stay at home and never get out!!

There are things you can do to help yourself. First off...I would highly suggest getting a P.O. Box for your mail. Once you start applying to Nursing school, they will be sending you time sensitive information/material and you won't be able to afford your parents keeping it from you. Next, I suggest moving out. Even if you have to rent a small room out of someone elses house...just get out!!! You deserve sooooo much better and your family is just holding you back right now and hurting you.

So the question really isn't is Nursing worth it. The question is, are you worth it?

I think you should give yourself the benefit of the doubt on that one and get out and dodge. You'll be happier all the way around.

Sorry to be so upfront about it, but I'm here to support you and if you ever want to talk, you can PM me.

Take care!!

Elysium, you are so right.

I was telling myself that if I work fulltime, I'll make just enough to live right at home. And that won't even make them happy.

I'm very scared because I have lived a very sheltered life. I come from a middle class family and I dont know much about living on the streets or in a homeless shelter. I am so close to finishing my pre reqs and I don't want to be held back.

[Junerain]

(((((Ninamae)))))

I am in the same situation as you, as far as an insensitive family, and being from middle class and not knowing how to make it on my own....could you join a support group, are you in therapy for dealing with them? Any close friends? Aunts or Uncles? Join some activity you enjoy and reach out and make as many friends as possible...sometimes friendships are all we have, for that is all I have, too.....

[Pomegranate]

with what Elysium had to say. Especially the Move Out part! I would add a variation on the suggestion of working full time and going to to school.

What if you finished your pre reqs and then just worked full time or more - no school, until you saved enough money so you could just go to school and not have to work? (I could not work full time and go to school full time, I'd be too exhausted and not be good for either school or work, you need to decide about that for yourself.)

Living on your own for one year and filing an income tax showing you support yourself, you should be eligible for financial aid or at least student loans. So that will help you get back into school quicker. Taking a year off to work and save all the money you can may sound like a long time. But qualifying for that extra financial aid by being on your own financially - not a dependent on your parents tax file - is very much worth it. That's how I got through a medical lab program in college. I ended up getting all pell grants so I didn't owe any money when I was finished with school.

Go to your school and speak with a financial aid person there about this. They should be able to give you a better idea of what you can expect. Also try to find other students who support themselves and get financial aid, they'll have some good advice for you also. And go to the school counseling center for help through this transitional and scary time.

Find a full time job and maybe another part time one if you are able to work that much. Find a low rent/crappy place to live, in the safest neighborhood you can afford, in the area you want to live in. Apply for what ever social services you may be entitled to even though you are working, like food stamps. Or go visit food pantries at local churches. They'll give out some staples (mac&cheese, canned food, peanut butter, powdered milk) that will help lower your food budget and save more money. Buy anything you need and can find at second hand stores.

First, before I go on, let me say I hope and do not believe you will end up homeless. It's a legitmate fear but one that has a low chance of happening to you if you are in fairly good physcial and mental health.

So.... I have been homeless and lived in less safe areas of the city of Chicago. The homelessness - especially as a chilhood sexual abuse survivor - was rather difficult. I was also grappling with untreated major depressive disorder and PTSD, but was not aware of it at the time. But because I was in good physical health then and intelligent enough to go and seek out all the help I could find from the city social services, I got the info I needed on where to find shelters for women, where to get nearby meals, food pantries, foodstamps, etc. etc.

It was an eye opening experience and one I would have rather took a pass on. Just use common sense, lots of caution, mind your own business and take care of yourself.

To summarize, get out of your family home and on your own supporting yourself, have more patience about how long it'll take to finish school- all this for your own mental health and for your financial well being. You can do this and you will reap many, many benefits by taking care of yourself in these many different ways.