Don't mean to drag you down or anything
You'll probably be disappointed in me...

I just don't feel like I'm an adult
I'm feeling like a kid, I'm just feeling incompetent, and unconfident. Like even if I began to try all the grown up things I'll have to do now I'll just fail at it and get in everybody else's way...

Everyone keeps going on about how I'm an adult now just because I turned 18. That isn't to say... that I can't be an adult because somewhere inside me I do posses that sort of strength, that calm demeanor that takes over at times, the "I know what needs to be done and I'm going to do it." fearless but not reckless, proud but not arrogant. At times I feel this way...

But now is not one of those times.

[Greenleaves]

I know how you feel. I think age really is just a number. As an adult I find there are many adults who are less mature than some teenagers.

I'm 27 myself and I still feel like a kid most of the time. I think I will feel this way no matter if I am 27 or 70.

I think you're mature in being so insightful about yourself.

[Typo]

((((((((((((((((Kaika))))))))))))))))))

It's okay to feel that way, a number is a number don't let it define who you are. Too much emphsis is placed on the number and not the person.

I had the oppieste problem I always and still do always feel older than my age, I"m 19 and I don't feel it, I get frustrated because people look down at me or dont' give me respect just because of my age, a silly number that doesn't completly define me as a person. I understand your frustration

sitting with you and sending hugs, I hope this makes sense, having a very hard time focusing tonight,

love and peace
Sparrow

[Shangrala]

Age is just that...a title of numerical value.
I'm halfway through my years now, and still am younger at heart than many who are just beginning in their adulthood.

Everyone attends to maturing in their own ways. Our approach are as unique as the individual themselves.

My step daughter was far ahead in her years....matured much too quickly, imo, and wouldn't allow herself a "break". She didn't share the interests as other girls her age, therefore pretty much iscolated herself from much of what her age group had fun in. Ended up gettin married just out of highschool and began her own family. Even though she's seemingly content, I still attempted to encourage her to wait on starting her own family and to enjoy her young adulthood with her hubby. To each their own.
Now, almost 10 years (and 2 children) later, she suffers from serious anger issues and high blood pressure, although I doubt that is a result of the children..(something she's carried long before that).

My dad, just turned 80. Still as youthful in spirit and playful in actions as any young adult is....(traits I've been blessed with and wouldn't trade for the world). He takes life in stride, doesn't sweat the small stuff, and finds humor in many aspects. Still remains active and limber, yet has managed, (with the partnership of my mom, of course), to raise a small army of 10 kids, and has involved himself in most of our childhood activities.

I'm the same way with my daugher, now 13. I have no problem with including myself with her playfulness, however, I've found that I tend to be more playful than she is in many ways. That doesn't make me immature..just young at heart, (though, that opinion depends on the individual). I've been called immature...just due to my young spirited behaviors....So be it...

This brings me to the combinations of age in realationships. I seriously believe that age has little to nothing to do with the unitement of two individuals..so long as both are of consenting age and it is of a mutual goal, regardless of who is the older/younger, (the gender shouldn't have any influence, whatsoever), or of the age variance.
One of my brothers married a woman 20 years younger than himself and is happily married. While that is accepted by our society, (older men marrying far younger women), the opposite is not accepted, (older women marrying far younger men), which is absolutely absurd.
(I must include the fact that I am involved in a relationship with a man who is 20 years younger....and I cannot be happier than I've ever been....despite of all the issues we've had to contend with to date, and will continue to have thrown at us throughout....It's no one's business, but our own).

I feel it is due to our society that applies far too many limitations on what is "accepted" and what is not. Regardless, (and being the "non-conformist" that I am), I have always gone with what suits my spirit and pay little to no attention to what we are "supposed to" BE accepted by society.

One must march to the beat of his/her own drum, and defy that of which is placed upon them merely because their behavior doen't "fit in" with that is "allowed" by others.

So long as YOU are happy and that you are living for YOURself, to hell what everyone else has to say. Simple as that.

Sorry for the partial rant. This sorta strikes me a nerve...LOL.

Shangrala

[Pup]

Age is just a number.
Could you tell from someone's body how old they are based on purely their body looks? No.
Someone could look more mature for their age body wise, and vice versa, someone could look less mature for their age body wise.
It really is just a number.

You could be more mature than your age, or less mature.
It could go either way.

Your age does not define who you are or how you are.
I know for a fact that I can go both ways.
My soul is much older than my age.
But my heart is much younger than my age.
My mind is just a bloomin' mess!

[Shangrala]

Originally Posted by Pupp

Age is just a number.
Could you tell from someone's body how old they are based on purely their body looks? No.
Someone could look more mature for their age body wise, and vice versa, someone could look less mature for their age body wise.
It really is just a number.

You could be more mature than your age, or less mature.
It could go either way.

Your age does not define who you are or how you are.
I know for a fact that I can go both ways.
My soul is much older than my age.
But my heart is much younger than my age.
My mind is just a bloomin' mess!

I LOVE that!!
That says it perfectly, and all in just 3 simple sentenses, (and here I went on n on.....Omgosh!!...I MUST love to babble....lmao)

Shangrala

[Pomegranate]

I'm 55 and I often still feel as you described. I have to work at feeling like an adult.
As someone else said in the comments, you have good insight in that you see and understand this in yourself. Just be you, that's plenty "good enough" and you (or me) is all the we can really be, right?

[Christina86]

Originally Posted by Kaika

Don't mean to drag you down or anything
You'll probably be disappointed in me...

I just don't feel like I'm an adult
I'm feeling like a kid, I'm just feeling incompetent, and unconfident. Like even if I began to try all the grown up things I'll have to do now I'll just fail at it and get in everybody else's way...

Everyone keeps going on about how I'm an adult now just because I turned 18. That isn't to say... that I can't be an adult because somewhere inside me I do posses that sort of strength, that calm demeanor that takes over at times, the "I know what needs to be done and I'm going to do it." fearless but not reckless, proud but not arrogant. At times I feel this way...

But now is not one of those times.

Oh my dear (((((((((((((Kaika)))))))))))))

With increasing age comes some more responsibility (like drinking, voting, driving etc) but it doesn't mean that you're an "adult". I've seen teenagers who act more mature than 30-40 year olds, and vice versa...

Why would I be disappointed with you?

Yes, you turned 18 - congratulations. But I expect nothing less than to be YOURSELF from you - that's it. Same thing for my baby sister, who turned 18 back in March!

I mean, I'm 6 days away from being TWENTY-THREE (23!)!! Most people here wouldn't guess that I was that young, because I can act more mature than my age at times...

But my IRL friends call me CHILDISH! Because I love acting like a kid and having fun ... I guess reliving my childhood and making up for it now.

I still can't balance a checkbook. I can't manage my finances if my life depended on it! I still eat junk food and don't eat proper meals a lot of the time. I don't drive. I used to drink too much and then quit drinking alcohol altogether! I don't like cleaning. I couldn't care less for "adult" conversations all the time, and I don't give a rats *** about politics and the economy.

If people want you to "grow up" ... then you do it at your own pace! You aren't going to wake up one day and have changed that dramatically from the day before! It just won't happen!

You're experiencing the societal pressure to "grow up" and all I'm going to say here is that you WILL be getting more responsibilities now that you're older. But you don't have to ACT differently until you want to or actually *need* to! Me, I'm terrified of the "real world" and getting a fulltime job. I like being a student, less pressures... I guess I'm hiding at university, along with a lot of other people.

Love ya bunches kid.

[Pup]

Originally Posted by Shangrala

I LOVE that!!
That says it perfectly, and all in just 3 simple sentenses, (and here I went on n on.....Omgosh!!...I MUST love to babble....lmao)

Shangrala

I'm glad my post was of use to you. (&nothing wrong with going on and on!)

[horsecab]

Originally Posted by Shangrala

One of my brothers married a woman 20 years younger than himself and is happily married. While that is accepted by our society, (older men marrying far younger women), the opposite is not accepted, (older women marrying far younger men), which is absolutely absurd.

I must disagree with this being accepted statement. To me, my perception as a 50 year old man, society looks at an older woman having a younger man as being the IN thing right now. I have been so discouraged to look on Plenty Of Fish dating site and find so many women within my age range or even older looking for men from 35-49. They don't care whats inside a man, they are only looking for a number and what their mental perception is of a 50 year old man. It is so frustrating to keep running into women who don't even want to give you the time of day if they learn you are 50 years old before they even know thing one about you. It is the mindset of the individual, and yes, that includes even women, that needs to be changed regarding age. Sorry, but that was a rant I had to get out.

[Shangrala]

Originally Posted by horsecab

I must disagree with this being accepted statement. To me, my perception as a 50 year old man, society looks at an older woman having a younger man as being the IN thing right now. I have been so discouraged to look on Plenty Of Fish dating site and find so many women within my age range or even older looking for men from 35-49. They don't care whats inside a man, they are only looking for a number and what their mental perception is of a 50 year old man. It is so frustrating to keep running into women who don't even want to give you the time of day if they learn you are 50 years old before they even know thing one about you. It is the mindset of the individual, and yes, that includes even women, that needs to be changed regarding age. Sorry, but that was a rant I had to get out.

Aww..Horsey....Rant away. Your input is quite insightful.

Our society does seem to send the "thumbs-up" signal to those older men who do win the attention of much younger women.
And it is a personal discovery of mine, though, that our society does tend to frown upon the older woman/younger male relationship, by which I think is completely absurd.
After all, "What's good for the Goose.....", right?

I hadn't realized it has become a fashionable thing for women to seek younger....lol....(Where have I been?....Busy in my own, I suppose....lol).

IMO....If it has become a fashionable thing for an older woman to obtain a "young stud" just for the mere sake of a 'trophy', of sorts, then that woman is not only doing that young man a serious injustice, but making herself out as a fool...as well as setting them both up for an evevitable disaster. I cannot even imagine anyone doing that to another person.

Shame on anyone who become involved with another just for the sake of looking good....?......That just don't sound right to me, whatsoever, though I understand that there are those who do just that, regardless of who's the senior/junior.

I used to always be attracted to someone at least 10 years older than myself...not sure why, (father figure, perhaps...who knows). And the more gray, the better...(drool...lol...especially if he wore a beard...SOLD!...lol).
However, 3 years ago, I have become involved in a relationship with a man 20 years younger than myself, (and those of you who know me...lol...I'm no spring chickadee.....to say the least). A drastic opposition to my relationships in years prior ...I know.
(I have to state though...it was NOT his age which attracted me. It IS his spirit, mind, heart and soul. I felt this IMMEDIATE connection to him, before I even learned of his age...His youth came as a surprise to me as he conducts himself FAR more maturely than the majority of the (older) men I've known).
I suspected that my realtionship with a man much younger might create some issues which are so unnecessary and unfair, but it was a small price to have to endure.
I'm involved with this man ONLY because he is the first person I've been able to have a REAL relationship with. No insecurities. No expectations. No Jealousies....Just...harmony...for the most part...lol. And what issues which do arrise are usually mine... doubts. concerns. fears....usually all mine. As far as he's concerned....screw everyone and their opinions. I feel the same way too, but sometimes I can't help but to find myself falling victim to what our society has instilled upon us. Issues which we do attend to as they present themselves.

Horsey~ You're such a sweetie. I can't imagine a woman not snaggin you up at first chance....regardless of your age.....HER loss.

Shangrala

[TrespassersWill]

I don't think age means anything anymore. Growing up I was the super mature kid, adults used to compliment me on how mature I was. I never really had other friends my age as a kid because I just didn't relate to "them". As an adult I've mostly always had friends older than myself and always been attracted to those 10-15 years older. Now at 40 I feel like a stupid little kid inside that never knows what to do or how to act around others and I'm still attracted to those older. I have older friends but no one older or my age will even date me though.

[Naturefreak]

GROWING OLD IS MANDATORY GROWING UP IS AN OPTION

and ((horsecab)) is right . Plenty of Fish sucks

thanks everyone
recently it seems I've been growing up in reverse
I've always been the kid who was really mature
and while...I'm not stupid, (aka reckless)
I feel a lot younger then I actually am

[GrayNess]

I don't view age as being simply a number for one main reason: there are different types of age. There is psychological age, biological age, sociocultural age, chronological age, legal age, etc... . The one commonly used is chronological age so if you are to ask whether that type is a number, then obviously the answer is yes it is. Legal age would also be a number, such as the age for legal sex, age for being considered an adult, etc... .

However, despite your chronological age, your psychological age can be different as that is that age at which you feel you currently are. So, you can be 90-years old yet feel like you're a 20-year old ready to go. In the OP's case, your chronological age may not be matching your psychological age and that is where some confusion can arise.

Biological age is the age that if everything goes wonderfully right, it's the max. age you could live. We always like to consider the ideal circumstances for scenarios so we can compare them. Sociocultural age uses the chronological age and is what society expects you to be doing at that age. For example, if you're 90-years old chronologically, society expects to see you old, wrinkly, perhaps crippled, cognitively-impaired, your sensory systems are failing, etc... . They're not expecting to see you doing backflips and bench-pressing 500 pounds.

So at the end of this post that probably has little flow, age is not simply a number: legal and chronological ages are a number.

[Michah]

I'm 35 sweets, and still feel like a child!! I unconditionally accept that now.....as much as I have seen things that would outlast a 90 year old, I hold on the spiritual innocence that I still possess as the child......It is part of the stuff that makes me, ME.....

[Peppermint_Patty]

Hi Kaika,

Originally Posted by Kaika

Don't mean to drag you down or anything
You'll probably be disappointed in me...

I just don't feel like I'm an adult
I'm feeling like a kid, I'm just feeling incompetent, and unconfident. Like even if I began to try all the grown up things I'll have to do now I'll just fail at it and get in everybody else's way...

Everyone keeps going on about how I'm an adult now just because I turned 18. That isn't to say... that I can't be an adult because somewhere inside me I do posses that sort of strength, that calm demeanor that takes over at times, the "I know what needs to be done and I'm going to do it." fearless but not reckless, proud but not arrogant. At times I feel this way...

But now is not one of those times.

I think some people think that being grown up is a destination, but let me tell you.... it is a life long journey!!!

I say this because it is not like a great big book entitled,"The Grown-up's Complete Instruction Guide" falls out of the sky and lands in your lap when you turn 18!!

One is ALWAYS learning throughout one's life!

Also... EVERYONE has moments when they feel like they are incompetent, or unconfident.

It doesn't matter how educated, successful, or how old a person is... everyone has moments when they feel that way.

So don't be too hard on yourself. Relax and take life one day at time.

Life is just a big journey, that's all... and it can be a very pleasant and enjoyable one if you make the right choices.

[pachyderm]

How old am I?

[fallenangel337]

YES! Age IS, in fact, just a number. Age is not a defining factor of anything...it can not determine how intelligent a person is, how mature they are, or anything else about them. Being young does not mean that you are immature and stupid, and being old does not mean that you are slow and boring.

I'm 17, a month from 18, and I wish I could drill this concept into people's heads. When I mention wanting to be treated like something other than I child, I always get the response: "You'll be 18 in a month...just wait." NO! I won't wait. 18 is just a number...I'm not going to wake up any smarter or more mature than I was the night before. It just doesn't happen like that...Why would I suddenly get treated differently one day over another? Sure, I will obtain more power in society, but that's it. Overall, like I said, it IS just a number. I doesn't make us who we are, WE make us who we are.

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by Kaika

... somewhere inside me I do posses that sort of strength, that calm demeanor that takes over at times, the "I know what needs to be done and I'm going to do it." fearless but not reckless, proud but not arrogant. At times I feel this way...

But now is not one of those times.

Hi Kaika, if you don't mind my two cents' worth:

The good news is that the real you is like that.

The even better news is that you've begun to notice.

The bad news is that stuff will keep getting in the way of experiencing and being the real you, and you'll need to keep working through it. I suspect you've already had a bit of practice in that area, though, so the bad news may not be all that bad.

----- Digression alert -----

I once knew two young musicians, women in their twenties performing together in public for the first time. They sounded and looked great but one of them complained afterwards that she'd been so nervous! "Great," I told her. "You both look utterly charming when you're nervous. Next time, don't forget to be nervous!" (, but only when she wasn't looking) Anyway, they were great next time too, and (not surprisingly) kidded me a little about reminding them to be nervous, and it all worked out fine.

----- / Digression -----

Something about the way you just came across, worrying about your ability to meet adult challenges, happened to remind me of the way they came across, worrying about their ability to play before an audience. Utterly charming, in both cases. Maybe you shouldn't forget to be nervous, either