[Maven]

I'm so P.O.-ed!!! I hate how my OCD and panic disorder limit me in the most normal activities of life. I can't wear just anything--stuff that doesn't have sleeves exposes my skin too much (short sleeves expose the skin, but there's a little more protection), shoes have to be slip-on (no cute strappy sandals that I'd need my finger to get on, no laced shoes), and forget bottled tanning (stuff I can't wash off or get off quickly can send me into a panic attack).

I can't dye my hair (it feels claustrophobic to me, and it's like the bottled tan, can't wash it off quickly), get it permed (those chemicals bother me and feel claustrophobic to me because I can't get away from the smothering scent of them if they're on my hair), and even having rollers in my hair can send me into a panic attack if there's too many--have to be able to get them out fast!

Now, I just checked out a local cultural site and found they have glass beadmaking classes--just the kind of thing I'd love to learn--and I can't do that because schools and classes are "dirty" to me, plus the location is historical and old things (including buildings) can bother my OCD. I can't do anything simple like that! I would love to take some art classes! I want to cry and cry, but I know it'll do no good!

I wrote a letter to a psychologist who specializes in OCD in my state, but I have tried calling his office before and found he doesn't take Medicare (my only insurance), and I can't afford his fees. On top of that, it's not a local office and my boyfriend can't take me during the day because he works, but he's my only transportation. But I'm writing directly to the doctor (on the phone many months ago, I talked to his office staff), in hopes he can at least offer some advice or something!

[Rio_]

Sorry to hear that. Can't think of any advice, but I do hope you can work something out with therapy, and that it helps.

[Seabirdanne]

Maybe you could contact the instructor through the cultural center and see if you could get private instruction in your home. If that's not possible with bead-making, then maybe something that would be an acceptable substitute -- painting or whatevery our interest is. Ask around. If your area is large enough to have a cultural center, there might be some options out there.

[(JD)]

((((Maven)))) aw bummer. I feel your frustration. Hang in there, I'm sure you'll figure something out eventually. I know it's difficult. I had to make changes in my life when I was injured... practically everything in fact. Now, as time has worn on (22 years) I've learned how to put some of those things back into my life, but no, it's never the same.

Forgive me because I can't recall if you have an MD who is prescribing medication to help you, or if you've tried other outlets (like online.) Keep searching, keep advocating for yourself...but try to limit your frustration about being frustrated! That just makes it all worse. Come to a cognitive understanding that things in life will take more time to arrange for yourself. But I think you'll get there.

[Maven]

Thanks, All. Seabirdanne, the idea that it's a class is part of why it's a problem for me, so it wouldn't matter where it is; anything related to a school is "dirty" to me. Plus, I couldn't have people come into my home, because of my OCD. I can't even open or close the doors without feeling dirty. The few times I get out, my boyfriend has to open the door for me. I can't deal with people touching me or me touching them. I keep stuff in bags and otherwise covered, and I have to shake the bags and do other rituals to keep dust off. It's exhausting.

My OCD is severe. I've contacted people for help through the years, but haven't found the help I need.

Thanks, Sky. I see a psychiatrist and I'm on four different meds. I've been on many meds and med combinations through the years. I've never had a cognitive behavior therapist, because there are none around me. Well, there's one, but he's not really around me--he's about 40 miles away--and he doesn't take my insurance. I can't afford his prices otherwise. Also, my boyfriend is the only transportation I can use, and he works, so I can only get late-afternoon appointments. Even then, he worries he'll get in trouble for taking the time off (I currently need to make appointments with three types of doctors, not including my pdoc, and I'm trying to work that out with him).